


The Butcher, The Commander

by DarkAislinn



Series: Sawyer Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Blood, Death, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Fucking, Love, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Porn, Sexual Content, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2017-12-16 00:19:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 51,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAislinn/pseuds/DarkAislinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't easy being brought back from the dead. That's not the way it's supposed to work. Nothing had ever been easy for him, however. But to wake up with two years of his life missing, the threat dismissed, friends MIA, and being forced into another suicide mission by the hands of Cerberus? </p><p>That was a bitch. At least Jane was still kicking around inside his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He leaned his head back against the shuttle and closed his eyes, feigning sleep. Cerberus didn't bother him, but he could feel their eyes on him. Already he had Miranda pegged. She wanted to ask him a million questions to gauge him, assess him. He wanted no part of it and he definitely didn't want to talk about Tali or the two years he'd been... missing, for lack of a better word.

Thinking of Tali led him to Freedom's Progress. It had been another desolate colony devoid of all life save for the Quarians, just as Miranda had predicted. It irked him that she had been right. He'd been hoping against hope that they'd find someone, some humans at least. But they hadn't. There wasn't even the smell of dead corpses. It was just quiet. Like everyone was sleeping. 

 _Did you notice that no one was fighting the Collectors in that vid of Veetor's?_  

It was the seeker swarms. 

 _A poor consolation, but at least they didn't seem to be in any pain._  

Right. Just forced to be terrified and know that you have no way to escape. That's so much better, Jane. The terror alone would cause some to have a heart attack. 

 _I never said it was better. I was just trying to make the situation better._  

I know, but I have to think realistically. 

 _Think The Illusive Man will have some answers?_  

He better. He didn't bring me back because he knows jack and is shooting in the dark. He knows more than he is letting on. 

 _And if he's a pawn?_  

He'll go down with the rest of them, but I don't think so. Cerberus might be a lot of things, but working with the Reapers? Not their style. 

_Let's hope you're right._

 

* * *

 

“You still don’t get it, do you? You’re not in charge of this mission. _I_ am.” Sawyer said, a smirk pulling up at the corner of his lips, crossing his arms behind his back. “This is _my_ ship. _I_ decide when we go somewhere. _I_ decide who we recruit. _I_ decide who will be groundside. _I_ decided who stays on this ship or who gets left on a remote planet. The Illusive Man may _think_ he holds all the cards because he brought me back, but you have to learn that we do things my way, _not_ a terrorist’s way.” The Cerberus woman opened her mouth to speak, presumably to defend the terrorist group, but he held up a hand, his cobalt eyes slicing into her and her mouth shut immediately. “I don’t give a flying pyjacks ass what you have to say. I know what I witnessed firsthand and I had to deliver the news, personally, to family members because of the sick and twisted shit Cerberus did. I don’t trust Cerberus but I am willing to give you, as individuals, a chance for me to trust you. Dismissed.”  
  
Miranda acted as if she wanted to say something but instead strode off angrily towards the elevator, ignoring the red-headed woman standing near the Galaxy Map. Jacob hesitated for a moment. Shepard quirked a dark brow at him, a silent question and the man saluted.  
  
“Sir. I just want to say that regardless of Cerberus’ past history, I won’t let you down. I wasn’t a part of what they did and I don’t agree with it. I figured you should know.” 

Sawyer smiled him and clapped him on the shoulder in camaraderie. “Glad to hear it. I’d be disappointed if I found out that you actively took part in the horrors that I encountered," he said, his eyes moving past the biotic towards the cockpit. "In any case, I need to get to know the ship and I owe Joker a visit. I’ll find you later.” Jacob tilted his head in acknowledgment and walked off towards the armory. 

Shepard cast a dubious eye towards the AI hub as he walked towards the front of ship. He would reserve judgment of it until he could read the information about the intrusive thing.  
  
Joker turned around in his seat, a smile splitting his face. “Look at this, Shepard! Leather seats! It’s my baby, better than new! The military may set the hardware standard on a first gen frigate, but this is civilian comfort sector by _design_. It fits me like a glove!” he exclaimed, rubbing the arms of his seat affectionately. The blue orb called EDI popped up.  
  
“The reproduction was not intended to be perfect, Mister Moreau. Seamless improvements were made.”  
  
Joker frowned, his face contorting into a mixture of anger and sadness. Sawyer fought the urge to laugh, but at the seriousness of his pilots expression he held back. “And there's the downside. Now it’s got this thing I don’t even wanna talk about. It’s like ship cancer. I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet,” he moaned with a sigh, a nostalgic look gracing his sharp features.  
  
“It’s just a copy,” Shepard sighed quietly, tucking his hands into his pockets. “There’s nothing here that was even _part_ of the real Normandy.” Joker’s eyes widened and his jaw fell open, an incredulous look of there ever was one.  
  
“Hey, there’s us! I have to take what I can get. Don’t worry, Shepard, you’ll see. This will be better than the old days, even if an AI is spying on us.” Sawyer eyed him with what could only be described as a look of doubt. He pulled his lips back against his teeth, the dimples in his cheeks giving him a boyish look before he answered dryly.  
  
“I hope so. I died.” 

Joker rolled his eyes and turned his seat back around to helm the ship. “Gah! You’re such a downer,” he tossed over his shoulder as Sawyer walked away shaking his head with a smile. It was good to have Joker aboard the Normandy. He was the only bright thing in Shepard’s life at the moment given the fact that two years had passed for everyone he cared about. 

He didn't remember being dead. He wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse. He could've answered a lot of people's questions if that were the case. All he remembered was hearing the sound of his own O2 line leaking, his hollow gasps for breath as he tumbled towards the planet and the pain of suffocating. Then everything went dark.

After that, he had woken in a lab on a cold, hard table with Miranda yelling at him. It had been disorienting to say the least, but he had to sort through the past, his transcendence into the afterlife - if he could call it that - and back to the present. He was sure there were parts that he was missing but –  
  
“Commander,” the red head woman exclaimed, her happiness putting his thoughts on the back burner. She was cute with her short hair and green eyes. "Kelly Chambers at your service, sir. I am your Yeoman and anything else may need.”  
  
“Yeomen? Isn’t that a task better suited for a VI?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
“Perhaps, but I was handpicked by the Illusive Man himself,” she puffed her chest out proudly, missing his grimace. “My official role is to inform you of new emails, relay important messages and such, but I’m unofficially here to observe the crew and alert you to anything that might endanger the mission.”  
  
“So you’re... what? A counselor? I don’t really like people watching me that closely, Miss. Chambers,” he said sternly. The last thing he needed was for someone to watch his every move and analyze his behavior. That had never worked in the past and it sure as hell wouldn't start working now. She shook her head quickly.  
  
“I’m a Psychology major. My job is to gauge the reactions of the crew. If they seem like they are having doubts or dealing with personal problems that could have an adverse reaction to the mission, I am supposed to tell you. For example, if Joker throws his hat down in anger while screaming at EDI and stalks off from his position at the helm, I contact you. I cannot interact with the crew as you would. I am here to simply observe and give you my advice.”  
  
That sounded reasonable even if a bit invasive, but it was something he would deal with until it grew out of hand.  
  
If _it grows out of hand_ , his sister commented quietly.  
  
“Is there anything else I can help you with? You have unread messages at your private terminal, Commander.” Kelly said, breaking into his thoughts. She tilted her attractive head towards his terminal, giving him a coquettish smile that he wished to explore the meaning of further.  
  
“That’ll be all.” He turned and walked a few paces, his index finger hovering over the button that highlighted Anderson’s message. His brow furrowed, tongue slipping out to lick at the dryness of his bottom lip, and his pulse sped up past the point of normal for an average human.  
  
_You’re not average, if you hadn’t noticed there, hero._ He rolled his eyes at his sister’s attempt at dry humor.  
  
You’re not nearly as funny as Garrus.  
  
_Or hot. Damn, give me five minutes with that Turian and –_  
  
Seriously? I really don’t wanna know this.  
  
_What? He’s hot. Even you can’t deny it._ She laughed, the throaty sound echoing in his mind. _He’s tall, he’s got that voice and he’s just, well... Garrus Vakarian._

Yeah, yeah. Keep it in your pants. 

  
He hit the button, effectively cutting off his sister, and read over the message from Anderson.  
  
**Shepard –**  
  
                **On the off chance that the rumors are true, and you actually are alive, I need you to come and talk to me on the Citadel. A lot has changed in the last two years. You put me on the Council, and it's only fair that you be allowed to speak for yourself about what we've been hearing.**  
  
**Councilor David E. Anderson**  
  
**Representative of Earth and her Colonies**  
  
**Recognized as Admiral David Edward Anderson of the Alliance Navy.**  
  
Shit.  
  
_Looks as though we get to go to the Citadel. His message isn't exactly screaming that he's glad to hear the rumors though._

Are you surprised? 

_I shouldn't be, but I am. He was like a father to you, once you got your act together._

People are supposed to stay dead, though. He doesn't want to get his hopes up.

_True enough, but Anderson's waited this long, he can wait a little longer. I say go to Omega first to get Archangel, and then go see Anderson._

Good idea.  
  
_Of course it is. I came up with it._

She drifted off into silence as he read the rest of his messages, haphazardly ignoring the ones from The Illusive Man. He didn’t trust him and couldn't care less what he had to say about anything. He also made a mental note to not wear the Kestral armor. Given his luck, it was rigged to explode if he disobeyed an order.

Fucking Cerberus.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm rewriting all the chapters that are currently uploaded because I really didn't like what I had originally done with it. This is the rewrite as of 10.9.15. If anyone is interested in reading the original chapters to compare, you can read them [here](https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0BwCMWtg58XQXXzFMYjhEOG56MDQ&usp=sharing). So far, I've only done this chapter, but the others are soon to follow. Maybe then, once it's where I want it, I'll be able to update again.  
> As always, I hope that everyone enjoyed it. <3


	2. Chapter 2

“The damage to him was... extensive," Jacob said softly. "Chakwas did what she could with cybernetics and her limited supply of dextro medicine.” 

Sawyer paced back and forth in front of the conference table, his lips pulled down at the edges and his hands gripped his arms where they crossed over his chest. "He'll be fine. He's tough," he said aloud, mostly to stop the images of Garrus bleeding out on the floor in that filthy hovel. 

Garrus was a good friend, his best friend if he had ever had one, and more than that he was a brother to him. If Garrus died because he wasn’t fast enough to stop that damned gunship, he would hunt down every single merc band from Citadel space to the Terminus systems with no mercy. They would learn firsthand why he was called the Butcher of Torfan. 

This was precisely why he pushed people away, or tried to at least. Loss was his downfall and there was not a tourniquet tight enough in the galaxy to cut off the pain. Even after over ten years he still heard his sister in his mind as if she were real and though the rational part of him knew that she wasn’t, he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. He was afraid she would leave him in silence, left only to his own thoughts which could be dark and dangerous. She was the light to his dark. The good to his evil, so to speak. 

“Commander, you saw him. You should prepare yourself for the worst," Jacob piped up, pulling Shepard away from his thoughts. 

Sawyer’s eyes flickered dangerously, sparking with emotion so strong that Jacob took a step back, worried he had overstepped his boundary with his new Commander. 

_Be nice, Sawyer. You heard what he said. And besides, Chakwas is the best. If anyone can save Garrus, it's her._

His brow furrowed and swallowed reflexively. You think so? 

_Look at what he survived on his own for who knows how long. This won't slow him down. It might piss him off, but Garrus is a fighter and he'd do anything to serve with you again. He won't let this beat him._

And Chakwas would sooner die herself than let him.

_Exactly. Just have faith._  

The door opened and Garrus entered looking worse for wear, but alive. His face was drawn and pale, his plates tense under his armor. There was a bandage taped across the right side of his face that followed his neck and disappeared beneath his busted up armor. That would need replacing, he thought. 

When Garrus' eyes slipped past Jacob and landed on Shepard, he relaxed and his good mandible flicked outwards in a half smile.

“Tough son of a bitch. I didn’t think you’d be up yet,” Jacob laughed, mostly out of incredulity versus humor, and stepped forwards to officially introduce himself. “Jacob Taylor, I man the armory and if there’s anything you need, just let EDI or Kelly know and I’ll be more than willing to do it.” Garrus gave the man a curt nod, his eyes sliding back to Shepard and Jacob took that cue to leave. 

“Chakwas wouldn’t give me a mirror. She said I was still devastatingly handsome," the turian quipped. "But, I know you won't lie. So how bad is it?" 

Sawyer laughed, relief rushing through him at his best friends humor. “Hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Just slap some of that blue paint on there and you’ll be right as rain.” 

Garrus’ head tipped back, his mandible flaring outward and gave a bark of laughter that rumbled up through his chest. “Ah, I guess it’s for the best. The ladies were always hitting on me. Figured that you needed a chance,” he replied before touching his face and wincing. “Damn. Don’t make me laugh. My face is barely holding together as it is.” 

_He's taking this in stride. If that happened to anyone else, they wouldn't be making jokes already._

Well, Garrus was never your typical turian, now was he?

_True, but the fact remains, he's not the same. You need to find out what happened on Omega._

I will, but now might be too soon. We both saw the body bags. I know firsthand how that can fuck with you.

_Don't wait too long. Remember Torfan._

With that dark reminder, she was gone. He'd think about what she said, but now was neither the time nor the place to ask what happened. He caught Garrus' worried gaze and shrugged. 

“Jane still running rampant in there?” He asked, nodding towards Sawyer’s head. 

He exhaled, blowing out a puff of air and leaned his hip against the table. “Of course," he replied. 

He’d only ever told a few people about Jane. The Alliance would've locked him away if he'd even hinted at her. But he had told Garrus. It had slipped out after Ferns while he was fixing up the Mako. He hadn't said much but asked questions. The only other two who knew were Tali and Wrex. Liara had accidentally learned while trying to piece together the cipher. 

He’d never even told Ashley and he’d been romantically involved with her, despite his affection leaning towards another woman, an alien confined to a suit her whole life. If Tali had given him even the slightest hint that she was interested, well, his time on the SR-1 would have been completely different. 

“Frankly, I'm more worried about you, Shepard. Cerberus? You do remember what we saw them doing to their own people, right? And Admiral Kahoku? What they did to him – well, I doubt I have to say more,” Garrus said, his voice breaking through his thoughts, reining him in from things that were unfair to think about. His tone wasn’t accusatory, but more brotherly concern. He was worried that perhaps maybe his memories had been altered. He certainly had reason for his concern. 

“I remember. I don’t trust them as far as I can throw them and that’s one of the reasons that I wanted you with me. If I’m gonna walk into hell, I want you by my side,” his lips pulling up at the corners and nodding at him. 

“You do realize this plan has me walking into hell to, right?” he asked, tilting his head. "Hm. Just like old times, Shepard." 

Sawyer laughed. "Hopefully better." 

“Indeed. I'll settle in at the forward batteries and see what I can do." He gave Shepard a smile before promptly turning and walking through the door. 

Yeah, it was good to have Garrus back.

 

* * *

 

“Commander!” Kelly called, waving him over as he made his way through the CIC to make sure that Joker hadn’t disabled the Normandy’s AI yet. He gritted his teeth and turned towards her. He really just wanted to check on Joker, bullshit with Garrus and then go to his cabin to rest before the next mission to pick up a Krogan Warlord. 

“Yeoman Chambers,” he greeted. She blushed and her hands fluttered at her sides in nervousness. 

“Please, call me Kelly.” 

His brows raised in surprise and gave her a warm smile. “Okay, Kelly.” 

A giggle escaped her lips before she regained her composure, pointing to his message terminal. “I was told to inform you that there is a new dossier waiting for you to look over. I've hardly had any time to create a psych profile.” 

He flipped on his omni-tool and brought up the information. 

**Natalie Evans**

**Family: No known family.**

**Class: Infiltrator; sniper rifle favored weapon.**  

**Evans is a strong willed woman. Gets along with various species, a diplomat. Highly trained in all weapons and scenarios. Has a background in the Alliance as well as the Army. Was stationed on Luna for a short time. Worked for C-Sec on the Citadel before leaving and has been in the Terminus systems since.**  

“Her background is surprisingly obscure, at least post Alliance. She was honorably discharged, and has enough medals that if she were to melt them down and turn them into coins, they would drop the Normandy onto a planet. She was on Elysium and almost repelled the attack by herself during shore leave. She’s also a graduate of the N7 program, no easy feat as you well know. As her dossier says, she has no family but she was um,” Kelly coughed, suddenly looking unsure if she should continue. “Well, she was born on Mindoir.” 

“How old is she?” The only other people he had ever encountered who had been from Mindoir were either slaves or ones who had never been able to get past what happened and ended up in the hospital. 

“Six months younger that you actually. She’s was born in October of twenty-one fifty-four.” 

“Why was she discharged from the Alliance?” 

Kelly smirked at him. “She bypassed chain of command, which would normally result in being chaptered out, and went to Hackett during your chase for Saren and demanded that more action should be taken. After her requested was denied, Hackett had her honorably discharged at her request. After that she went to the Citadel and joined C-Sec. According to everything I've been given, she was assigned as his partner before he left for Omega. I suggest that you speak with him.” 

“That’ll be all,” he said, turning his back to the woman and hurried towards the elevator forgetting that he was going to make sure Joker was playing nice with the AI. He was frustrated that Kelly hadn’t just told him outright that Garrus had worked with her, instead of running around in circles before laying that on him. 

This woman, Evans, sounded like the best damn recruitment so far outside of Garrus and Mordin.

 

* * *

 

He strode to the gun battery and slapped his palm against the panel. It whirled in a green circle before opening to Garrus who had his back turned to him, his fingers dancing over the console in front of him. Calibrations, he called them.   

“Tell me about Natalie Evans,” Sawyer said with sigh as he flopped down onto a crate of who knows what. 

Garrus’ movements stilled, his mandibles fluttering at his jaw in what Sawyer knew to be nervousness. “Evans? Why?” He turned away from his calibrations and crossed his arms over his broad chest. 

“I got a dossier with her name on it and I've heard you worked with her, so what’s she like?” 

Garrus paused for a moment to gather his thoughts before answering. "She was a good soldier, but she's an N7 like you, so it's not that surprising. She's a diplomat, really. She can talk people down and doesn't have to pull her weapon in order to do so. There were only a handful of times that she did pull her weapon and she's a damn good shot,” he said, his mandibles flaring out in an affectionate smile. "She was an engineer, but she had infiltration training. She has the best tactical cloak, better than Kasumi's. Just don't tell the thief I said that, okay? I'll never hear the end of it." 

The tone his friend used when speaking about Evans caught his ear. It was too affectionate for mere friendship, but it wasn't an outright declaration of a relationship or something more than C-Sec partners. Sawyer played with his curiosity, but it got the better of him. “Were you... you know, seeing her?” he asked. 

"I'm assuming you're asking if we were more than friends," Garrus said, leaning a hip against his console. He glanced at the computer. "Eventually we grew... closer." 

Sawyer tried to contain his surprise. He’d never pegged Garrus was one to be into another species outside his own, let alone a human. He'd never even glanced twice at an asari. “Seriously? How'd that happen?” 

Garrus laughed and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. It was the universal male sign that they wanted to talk about it, divulge the information, but when there's feelings involved - and it wasn't just casual sex - they didn't want to give too many details. “She was assigned as my partner not long after you... went missing," he said, not being able to say that four letter word. It was still too fresh, too hard to talk about. Sawyer understood. It wasn't any easier for him. "I'm not going to lie, I don't have a human fetish, but it was never about that. It was about us. She was the only friend I had in this screwed up galaxy and she listened to me when I spoke. She didn’t talk when I ranted about the Alliance’s cover up over your-- the attack on the Normandy or C-Sec being a pain in my ass. It's what she does, kind of like you in a way." 

“Have you spoken to her recently?” 

Garrus heaved a sigh and rubbed the good side of his face. “No. She wasn't very happy with my decision to leave and I left it-- I didn't leave on good terms.Then when I was on Omega things were different and it was better that she didn’t know what I was doing.” 

Sawyer looked at his friend for a moment, tilting his head. "You haven't contacted her at all?" 

"I was going to, but things got out of hand. Sidonis betrayed me and then, well, you showed up. Besides, with the way I left things... maybe she's moved on." 

“Look, you’re my friend and I don’t want this to be hard for you, either of you, but if you’d rather stay on the Normandy when I go to try and recruit her, then I won’t begrudge you that. Eventually she’s going to find out you’re here, but maybe it would be good for her to see a face that she recognizes instead of three strangers asking her to join them in a suicide mission.” 

Garrus didn’t answer right away, not that Sawyer expected him too. If the roles were reversed, he knew he’d be feeling the same way, but since he was the Commander he didn’t have that luxury. 

“No, I want to go. I owe her that much and more," he finally said, pulling on his armor. 

“Good man,” he said, standing up and clapping his hand down on his shoulder. Before he walked out of the door, he turned back to him. "Take it from me when I say that you have a second chance to make things right. You should use that."

 

* * *

 

 

Getting to her location had not been as smooth as they'd expected. They’d had to fight off varren, klixin, and more than a few waves of various mercenaries. Shepard was tired, hot and his body was screaming for a rest. While it was easy to move faster, he needed to get used to his cybernetics. He felt like they were trying to burn through his skin, but he needed to reach her. 

When they finally got to her, she barely spared them a glance. Her face was flushed from the fight that they'd brought with them and her eyes bright with excitement. Her hair was coming out of its ponytail and the tendrils were plastered to the sides her face with sweat. 

She was very attractive. Her hair was a deep, chocolate brown with red highlights that caught the glint of the sun. Her eyes were the brightest green he had ever seen and lined with dark lashes that made the color stand out even better. Her hips flared wide, her waist was small, and he could appreciate the generous swell of her breasts. She was very short which surprised him. 

When they approached her, crouching behind cover to avoid the flying bullets, she barely paid them any attention. Her eyes were focused on her target. She had her rifle against her left shoulder, closed her right eye, inhaled and squeezed the trigger. The bullet landed a perfect headshot, one that rivaled Garrus’ expertise. 

Sawyer had cocked a brow at his friend who pretended to not understand the meaning behind the look. After the last body fell to the ground with an audible thud, blood squirting out of the hole in his head, Shepard stood and walked towards her. 

“Natalie Evans?” 

She stared at him, her eyes darting to the N7 insignia on his armor and narrowing. “That would be me,” she acknowledged with a tip of her head, her voice deep and throaty. "You are?" 

“Commander Shepard,” he greeted properly. He removed his helmet and tucked it into the crook of his arm. With his free hand, he gestured to his companions. “This is Professor Mordin Solus and Garrus Vakarian.” 

Her eyes slid to Garrus’ hulking form, an indecipherable look on her face. After a moment, she pulled her eyes away and once again focused on Sawyer, taking in his face carefully. “Last I heard you got spaced. How can I be certain that it’s really you?” she asked, walking around him in a circle. She was inspecting him, looking for a hint of a lie or something that would tell her her was an imposter. 

He had the very sudden urge to snap into a salute which his squashed quickly. That was weird. He hadn't had that feeling in a long time. He didn’t want this woman to make him feel like a private on his first duty station. Kelly hadn't mentioned her rank in the Alliance, but he was betting it was higher than his. 

“It’s him, " Garrus said. She slid her eyes towards him and clasped her hands behind her in a manner that strongly reminded Shepard of Admiral Hackett. 

“Perhaps I believe you and the company you keep. What brings you all the way out here? The Terminus Systems are a dangerous place, Shepard. Especially for someone lauded as the Butcher of Torfan,” she said, her hands motioned to the desolate planet behind her, save for the little shabby building that one could only surmise was where she had been living. 

“I’m gunning for the Collectors who are taking human colonies," he replied. Might as well be up front and honest about it. Well, not _completely_ honest. If she knew it was a suicide mission right of the bat, she'd probably say no. Which is what an actual sane person would do, but she was an N7. She’s probably about as sane as he is. 

“Yes, I'm well aware of what they're doing. That's one of the reasons why I'm out here, but that's not what I asked though. Why are you here talking to me?” she asked, her brow lifting while confusion and apprehension clouded her gaze. "Surely there are a thousand others that are better suited for your types of missions." 

_Feisty. I_ like _her, Sawyer. And she’s very well informed_. _I wonder… why the Terminus Systems?_

I don't know. Surely she wasn't trying to launch her own attack. That would be crazier than what I’m doing. 

_Gathering intel on the Collectors? That can't be all though. She said_ one _of the reasons. I bet she was trying to track down Garrus._

Maybe. I'll figure it out later. I'm exhausted and burning up and I’m ready to eat my own fucking arm. 

“I've heard you're one of the best and I’m here to recruit you,” he said. He didn't think she was trying to act as if she was above him, but he felt that it was something that came naturally to her. Then again, as an N7, it'd have to be. However, if she were to be on his crew then she needed to understand that he was in charge. His ship. His rules. 

"Me? I wonder what tales Garrus must've told you for me to earn that sort of praise," she laughed shaking her head. She glanced around her and seemed to think about her answer. "Any chance the Collectors are working with the Reapers?" 

"Most likely," he replied. He shifted his weight and wiped the back of hand on his forehead. "Are you coming or not?" 

For the first time, she smiled at him and shrugged. "Sure, why not. I've nothing better to do." 

"Good," he sighed. "Just one thing. I'm the Commander aboard the Normandy, so you'll have to follow my orders. If you disagree, you talk to me in private. I won't be disrespected on my own ship in front of my crew." 

“I can handle that." 

“Good. Now grab your shit and follow us back to the Normandy because I'm so fucking hungry.”

 

* * *

 

After some introductions and a decent meal, she decided to haul up in the crew’s quarters. She was accustomed to sleeping with others in the same room and with her prior military service, it felt normal to be surrounded by the soft snores or tossing and turning at night again. 

She unpacked her bags, stuffing her thermal clips and pistol into a footlocker, and realized that there wasn’t much that she owned since she'd traded her life as Alliance turned C-Sec turned someone who lived out in the Terminus systems.  As she pulled her minimal belongings out of her bag, her thoughts drifted to Garrus who was just across the ship. 

She hadn't seen him in little over a year. It was a surprise to meet him on some backwater planet with Commander Shepard. She wanted an explanation, a reason as to why he fell of the grid and never bothered to contact her. Things between them had been good. She knew why he wanted to leave C-Sec, but why he ended things the way he did never made sense. 

She had felt that there was something there between them, something real, but the closer she got to the gun battery she worried that maybe it had just been her own feelings clouding her judgment. Had she read into things too deeply? He'd never said those three words that she'd desperately wanted him too and perhaps she'd said them too soon. 

If he felt nothing for her, then she would move on. She'd nurse her hurt in private and bury it when out on the battlefield.  With a mission as important as this she couldn’t let her personal feelings get in the way, no matter how easy it might be. 

She hesitated for a moment before laying her hand against the panel and shrugging off her indecision. Against her better judgment to just leave it well enough alone, which was not something that she did often, she palmed the door. 

It opened to Garrus’ back and she breathed in a silent, nervous breath before stepping in and sidled up to his side, peeking over his arm at whatever he was doing. He jumped slightly at her presence. Perhaps he was hoping it was Shepard. Or he really didn't hear the door open. 

“Nat,” he murmured. She let his deep voice wash over her. It had been so long since she'd heard him say her name. Her eyes looked up at him, taking in his appearance and a frown developed at the corners of her mouth. She had the immediate urge to reach up and touch his bandage, to soothe the pain he might be feeling, but dug her nails into her palms and turned around, settling herself on the box nearest the door. She crossed one leg over the other, leaning her back against the wall. 

“Garrus,” she mimicked, a smile pulling at her lips when his mandibles twitched in amusement. He abandoned his task to turn to her, fixing her with a look that she hadn't seen in awhile. It made her pulse speed up. She laced her fingers together, to keep them from twisting nervously, over her knee. “How’ve you been?” 

His shoulders jerked in an approximation of a human shrug. “Oh, you know me. Causing trouble at every chance that I get," he drawled. 

She breathed out a laugh and shook her head. “Sounds like you," she said. After a few quiet moments of staring at each other, she broke the silence. "I missed you, by the way." Her eyes fell away from him down to her clasped hands. 

"I'm not sure that's a good or a bad thing," he replied, grimacing as soon as the words left him. 

"I'm not sure about that myself," she said, kicking her foot out. She looked back at him, head tilting, and nodded towards his face. "Wanna tell me what happened?" 

His hand rose to touch the injured area and tilted his head. "I, uh, I tried to eat a rocket. Not my finest moment." 

She laughed, but it didn't quite meet her eyes. "It could be worse," she said, trying to keep her tone as light as possible. They both knew what she was thinking though. 

_You could have died and I'd have never known, you bastard._  

He met her gaze with a silent response. _I know and I'm sorry._

She huffed a sigh and looked around the room, eyes taking in his workstation. “Well,” she said, coughing to clear her throat. “I mainly came in here because I wanted to see how you’ve been, but you seem busy.” She stood and ran her hands down her shirt to smooth it. “It'll be nice to work together again, at least. See you around, Garrus.” She gave him a smile. 

“Just like old times, Nat,” he quipped, flaring out his mandibles to return the smile. She tossed a wink over her shoulder before turning and walking out of the main battery. 

He wanted to do something or say something more than his lame witty one-liner to make the situation a little better, but he couldn't seem to find the right words or actions. He'd missed her too, very much, but Omega… things were different now. _He_ was different now. 

He wasn’t sure how to fix their relationship, if they even could fix it. At most, maybe they could be friends again. He wasn't sure how that would work either. He was a bad Turian, a failed C-Sec officer and a vigilante who got his squad killed on Omega. She deserved someone better than him. Someone who wouldn't just take off because he felt like it. 

As she walked away from him, he watched her speak to Gardner about some sort of food item and saw her laugh before moving on. Maybe he did want to fix things. He almost died. Literally. Perhaps what Shepard said made sense, he did have a second chance. 

He could at least try and repair the relationship. Maybe she moved on or maybe she wasn't interested anymore. That hurt, more than he wanted to admit or thought it would, but if she did then he would be whatever she needed or wanted. He'd give it a shot at least. That's all he could ask of himself at the moment, until, at least, Sidonis had been dealt with.

The door finally closed and he turned back to his calibrations, his nose picking up the scent of her and it made his heart constrict. Yes, he'd try at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I did change the conversations and this chapter is longer (by about 300 words) than the original. If you want to compare, I have a link in the overall box or you can just click it from [here](https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0BwCMWtg58XQXXzFMYjhEOG56MDQ&usp=sharing).
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this new rewrite as of 11.4.15!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer learns about Natalie's past before recruiting Jack. 
> 
> **WARNING** : Sawyer does pray, but it is quick; it does not take up the majority of the story. 
> 
> Jack's missions is AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving comments and/or kudos feeds my muse people! You **really** have no idea... it's quite [sad](http://i810.photobucket.com/albums/zz29/eastinwifey09/cutestsadface.jpeg) really. Click the link; you'll die of cuteness whilst sobbing at my pain.

It was a habit and perhaps a bad habit, he had as an afterthought, that he visited his crew after every mission. He wanted to hear if anything new was happening, if there was anything that could affect the mission that needed to be nipped in the bud before it spiraled out of control.

Joker seemed to be getting along with the new AI, sort of, but had angered the intelligence by smearing grease on her – _its_ – bridge cameras. Sawyer tried not to laugh and failed.

Miranda was a noncommittal as usual, not that he expected anything less. She was still sore at him for expressing his opinion of Cerberus but at least she had felt comfortable enough, or maybe she felt she owed him since she rebuilt him from scratch almost, to tell him about her genetic tailoring. To someone else it might have pulled at their heart-strings but to him it came out as a “poor me” not that he didn’t appreciate her honesty, but she was the one person on the ship he trusted the least. She openly admitted that she reported to TIM and essentially told him, in her nicest terms, that she still didn’t trust him.

Kasumi was as weird as usual, but still considerably more delightful than Miranda.

Jacob was, well… less conversational than Miranda, to say the least. He got pissy with him when he questioned whether or not he and Miranda had a past which made Shepard angry. It was his business to know whether past relationships would hamper or, in the most unlucky of cases, endanger the mission.

Garrus was busy with calibrations, waving Sawyer off saying, “Dammit man, if I mess this up, the whole damn ship could explode!” To which Sawyer had retreated strategically, keeping his footfalls quiet. The last thing he needed was another Normandy to blow up on him especially by Garrus’ hands. It had the potential to be worse than the Collector attack; as in, a supernova explosion with no coming back from that. Ever.

Mordin hadn’t wanted to talk and effectively shooed him off by saying, “Trying to discover how scale itch made its way aboard the Normandy. Sexually transmitted disease only carried by varren,” he paused, inhaling deeply; his eyes never leaving his console. “Implications… unpleasant.” Sawyer had shuddered; his face contorted into disgust and promptly left his workspace.

Zaeed grunted at him, not bothering to put his copy of Fornax down and winked at Shepard as he backed away in horror.

He shook his head, trying to shake that image from his mind as he made his way to the newest member of the crew. He hadn’t been able to have a true conversation with her since they picked her up. He was delaying his other dossiers as an act of obvious rebellion against TIM, but could give a shit less. Besides, it gave Mordin a little extra time to find a countermeasure of the seeker swarms.

He entered the crew quarter’s finding it surprisingly empty except for Natalie who was tucked up on her bunk, her eyes focused on her data pad; her eyes glistening and her lips pulled tight against her face. She jumped almost a foot in the air with a cry when he said he name, her data pad clattering to the hard floor as her hand pressed over her heart.

“Geeze Louise,” she breathed, her eyes focusing on him, wide with fear that was quickly subsiding. “You scared the ever livin’ outta me.” He couldn’t suppress the laugh that erupted from him, his hand covering his mouth to try and hide his mirth but the damage was done as she glared at him from beneath dark lashes.. “It’s really not funny, Shepard.”

“If you could have seen your face,” he smiled, turning a chair around and sitting in it backwards, leaning his muscled arms over the back of it, his blue eyes catching her green ones. “It was hilarious.” Her left brow popped up in slight amusement.

“I’m sure,” she replied dryly, leaning over to grab her data pad. Again he caught the subtle twang in her voice. Kelly had said she was born and raised on Mindoir and to his knowledge not many from that colony had a southern accent.

“Alright, I gotta ask. Kelly and Garrus,” he paused at the look that flittered over her face at the mention of his best friend. _You might need to smack the dumbass out of him,_ Jane broke into his conversation. He brushed her away and continued his inquiry. “They said that you are from Mindoir, but I can’t place your accent.” She shrugged, tucking her data pad into her assault pack carefully before looking at him again; her expression thoughtful, her eyes far away.

“Like you, I was loaded onto a shuttle leaving everything behind on Mindoir. They took us to Earth, as you remember, and separated us out. Did you ever figure that out? I thought maybe it was because they didn’t want us interacting with one another too much for fear that we’d just become vegetables. Either way,” she shrugged although her movement was anything but uncaring and Sawyer felt her pain. He understood, more than he cared to admit actually. Hearing someone else talk about it, someone who hadn’t been a slave or forced into a mental institution was different, nice even. “Some shuttles went north, east or west. Mine went south and ended up in Georgia; in the US which is how I first joined the military.” She smiled ruefully.

“I absorb accents so I don’t doubt for a moment that I carried it with me. I doubt it’s in my record but I lied about my age. I told them I was eighteen when I was sixteen which is how I joined the Army.”

“How’d you get away with that? Lying to the military is a hard feat.” She lowered her brows and cast him that could only be described as her calling him a “dumbass”.

“All of the records from Mindoir were destroyed, you know that, so there’s no real record of my actual birthday. If there was, it was so corrupted that they didn’t even question it. My deep thinking got me far, even if I was only with the Army for two years but my company Commander gave me a decorated recommendation when I told him I was planning on joining the Alliance.” She twisted the covers in her fingers, tying them into intricate knots before speaking again, seemingly lost in her thoughts. When she looked up her eyes were far away, unfocused as if she was lost in her memories. “When I joined the Army I went in as a Corporal. I rose in rank quickly and when I left it to go Arcturus I was an E-6 or Staff Sergeant if you don’t know much about Army ranks.

“When I joined the Alliance I came in as a Gunnery Chief before I went to school and came out as a second Lieutenant but after Elysium I was promoted to Commander and then when I finally got tired of the Alliance’s bullshit and left I was a Major which is the only reason I held the rank I did at C-Sec and was partnered with Garrus. Then he left for Omega and after a few weeks of him being gone I left too. I went out into the Terminus systems to infiltrate slaving camps with a few others. That was a good feeling, freeing those slaves. Geeze, we must have freed almost a dozen. Most were human but occasionally we’d find some Turians, Asari and even a few Salarians. No Quarians though, their upkeep is too expensive since they can’t live outside their suits.

“After one really bad camp and when I say bad, that’s putting it lightly. It was like stumbling into a modern day Auschwitz. It was,” she closed her eyes, breathing in a deep shuddering breath. Her fingers stopped their twisting and gripped the covers, her knuckles turning white. A quiet sob escaped her throat and when her eyes opened, they were swimming with tears. “horrible. They were starving the slaves, beating them, and executing them when they disobeyed. They were kept in slums and lived in their own filth. If they died from starvation or disease they just threw their bodies into a pit and burned them. There were children who looked at me with such a desperate plea to just die that,” she swallowed, wiping at the tears on her cheeks. “when we finally rounded up every single slaver in that camp I ordered the crew to line them up against a wall and we killed them, slowly. I wanted them to suffer as much as those slaves had. I carved into their bodies, hacked chunks of meat from them, stripped their flesh from their bodies. I removed fingers, hands and other body parts before I finally slit their throats and I enjoyed the sounds they made as the life left their bodies.

“I’m not a violent person by nature but seeing what they did I didn’t know who I was. I was filled with such rage and disgust that I turned off my emotions. Afterwards I vomited for what seemed like an eternity. I just-” she sobbed, burying her face in her hands and leaning forward over her legs, her body shaking.

In an instant Sawyer was up and sitting beside her, wrapping his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. She let him and slid her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder as he stroked his hand down her backing soothingly, not saying anything. There was nothing he could say to make it better. What she had seen he could only imagine. Mindoir was bad enough to have lived through, but to see a concentration camp of sorts was the final breaking point. If he had been in her position he knew, without a doubt, that he would have done the same damn thing.

Eventually she quieted, her breathing still choppy and pulled away from him, embarrassed. He shushed the apology on her lips and brushed the hair away from her face as he would a little girl and on impulse he kissed her forehead. She gave him a curious look and he shrugged, “I used to do it to my sister when she was upset. Old habits die hard I guess.”

She settled back against her pillow and squeezed his hand when he got up and made his way to leave, wanting to give her some space. “Shepard,” she said, giving him a small smile. “Thank you for being here and just listening. It means a lot.”

“I’m always here if you need anything. And if there is anything else that you ever need, just let Kelly know.”

The door shut behind him and took the elevator up to the CIC to plot the course to Purgatory. As he waited on a confirmation from Joker he closed his eyes, his chin tucked against his chest and prayed for Natalie, asking that God help her find Him and that He brings her comfort, guidance and peace in His embrace.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Garrus and Natalie noticed that they were on the mission together Sawyer was worried for a moment that he had made a mistake, but they would have to deal with their problems outside of a mission and he wanted to see her skills in action. To his surprise they had nodded and smiled at each other saying, in unison, “Just like old times.”

He shouldn’t have been surprised, Jane had told him. Garrus was able to leave his personal feelings behind while on a mission and given Natalie’s history she was too. They were soldiers to the bone and they knew how to separate personal from combat especially since the fate of the entire galaxy rested on their shoulders.

A bullet whizzed past Sawyer’s head and he turned with an incredulous look, she could have shot him, at Natalie as she called out to Garrus, “I’m still better than you!” She then cloaked herself and ran up to an unsuspecting guard and blew a hole in his middle with her shotgun.

Another guard dropped to the ground as Sawyer leaned out at cover to fire his pistol at the barrier generator. “You wish, Evans!”

“We’re in a firefight!” Sawyer cried, pulling a guard toward him and shot his had clean off with his shotgun, a satisfied smile gracing his handsome features.

Natalie incinerated a guard behind him, finishing him off with her SMG calling out, “You’re welcome Shepard!” as Garrus overloaded the shields over a guard to the right of him taking the kill shot, the guards left side of his face flying off, splattering him in his blood and brains. “I love this rifle!”

“Just give up Shepard! You can’t win this!” Kuril shouted, blowing Sawyer’s shields.

“Wanna bet asshole?” he muttered, shooting another barrier generator. That left only one and it was across the room with a dozen well armed guards in his way.

“Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!”  Natalie said as if reading his thoughts, her sing-song voice coming in through his helmet. The fuck does that mean?

A guard in front of him fell to his knees, clutching at his throat as she nailed him in the throat with her sniper from across the room. It was a damn good shot especially she no-scoped him.

“Show off,” Garrus growled, switching to his assault rifle and hitting a guard who poked his head out with a concussive round. “Oh yeah, suck on that!”

Natalie cloaked herself, applied cryo ammo to her weapon and gunned down a guard nearest the last barrier generator. Just as her cloak was disappearing two guards closed in on her six and Sawyer landed a head shot before swinging around at her cry when a guard grabbed her, pulling out a knife and sunk it into her thigh. When he yanked it out, blood spurted out at an alarming rate and immediately he knew that the guard had hit an artery.

“Nat!” Garrus cried, his sub-harmonics screaming in panic as the guard slid the knife between her ribs.

She elbowed the guard in the face, and stomped on his foot, grabbing his knife and in a swift movement she turned on the balls of her feat, with grace only dancers had, and slit his throat before closing her right eye and throwing the knife straight into his partner’s head. Later Sawyer would question her expertise with a knife, but right now he was focused on getting to her and ending this fight. It landed right in between his eyes, which was more than just impressive, as she collapsed to the ground, scrambling to press her back against a wall of cover and rip her armor to dig her fingers into her thigh, grasping her artery to stop the bleeding.

Garrus reached her before he could and he shot the last generator. “Garrus, overload his shields,” he said, finally reaching them and crouching beside them. “Nat, if you can, hit his ass with fire.” He clamped her artery as he frantically ripped a thick piece of her suit off to make a tourniquet of sorts to staunch the bleeding. He snatched Garrus’ sniper off his back as Garrus leaned down to make sure she was okay, his hands fluttering over her leg in worry.

“Take this you son of a bitch,” Sawyer growled, pressing his right eye against the scope and exhaling as he squeezed the trigger. As he fell, the guards, miraculously, dispersed. She was pale, but she was alive and that was what mattered. “You good?” She nodded and as he stood he grabbed her hand and pulled her up. She lost her footing and fell against him, her face flushing in embarrassment when his arms automatically wrapped around her to steady her.

“Sorry,” she muttered but he brushed it off and wrapped his arm around her waist so she could lean on him for support. She was soft against him and the male part of his brain wondered what she would feel like without any clothes, a brief image of her naked popped into his mind, but his rational side squashed it quickly especially at the look his best friend wore on his face. She seemed to have noticed it too and her arm tightened around his waist. She leaned her head against his shoulder and looked up at him with liquid emerald eyes that, once again, made him think dirty thoughts; damn his hormones. “You’re really fit,” she murmured. With his mandibles clenched against his jaw, Garrus stalked off ahead of them telling them he’d meet them at the door. Once he was out of earshot she frowned and loosened her grip on him.

What the hell am I missing?

_Gah, you’re such a douche. She’s trying to make him jealous._

What? Why?

_Ask Garrus._

She disappeared and he focused his attention on getting Jack.

 

 

* * *

 

 

As they came upon Jack he shot a merc as she was screaming at the window, her arms thrown up in the air as she looked at the Normandy. She stopped when she heard them, her stance changing from anger to fighting in an instant.

“What the hell do you want?” Sawyer raised his brows at her, his lips pulling back in a sneer.

“I just saved your fucking ass.” She gave a shrug, her eyes darting to the Normandy and back to him.

“He was already dead. He just didn’t know it. Now, again, what the fuck do you three want?” Natalie huffed in pain, swapping her weight from her bad leg to her good one as Garrus narrowed his eyes at the tattooed woman in front of them.

“I’m Shepard and I’m here to get you off this ship but I don’t like you attitude.”

“Fuck you. I don’t know you from a hole in the ground, dickwad. Besides, you’re Cerberus. I’m not going anywhere with you, pretty boy.” So that’s how she wanted to play it huh? Alright, he could work with stubborn and stupid.

“I’m offering to be your friend,” he retorted before his pitched his voice low and menacing. “You _don’t_ want to be my enemy.” Nat sighed and fingered her shotgun, her bright eyes narrowing until they were hidden behind her dark lashes.

“Being his enemy is unhealthy. Change your tone or you’ll be a bloody mess.” Jack eyed her with detached interest, her eyes raking up and down her body with raised brow.

“Bring it on, bitch.” In a blink of an eye Nat was on her, her fingers wrapped around Jack’s throat and her pistol pressed against her temple. She was surprisingly fast given her injury and Sawyer had to admire her.

“I’ve seen things you can only imagine,” Natalie whispered, her eyes never leaving Jack’s. “I can kill you in a hundred different ways. I can blow your brains out against this window with my eyes closed and hack your implant so you can’t do squat to me. You think you’re tough, hardcore, a badass but what are you really?” Jack’s large brown eyes stared at the woman in front of her, licking her plump lips as her body went slack and her breathing sped up.

Sawyer glanced at Garrus out of the corner of his eye. Good. It wasn’t just him; Garrus was apparently as hot and bothered, aroused, at her attitude. He shook himself mentally but couldn’t shake, once again, the understanding of why Garrus was so attracted to her and based on Jack’s sudden change she was _definitely_ attracted to her.

Nat’s voice never wavered, her voice never going above a whisper and she leaned in, her lips barely a hair away from Jack’s. Garrus coughed, shifting his weight, and Sawyer fought the urge to adjust his armor; she was somethin’ else. “You’re scared of Cerberus. Being scared is a weakness and it’s exuding from you like water being squeezed out of a rag. I don’t like your attitude.”

“You’re flying with Cerberus colors and wanna take me somewhere. You think I’m stupid?”  Sawyer wanted to blurt out, “Yes” but refrained, Nat seemed to have a handle on the situation.

“We’re offering to take you with us as this place goes up in flames and you’re arguing,” Nat said as she stepped away, holstering her weapon. “So what do you say?”

“Why are we still standing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far I hope it's been enjoyable. This was a fun chapter to write and I want everyone to like it. I like Natalie and I really hope you do too. :-) So... when I said that you have no idea how your comments/kudos feed my muse and that you have no idea what I meant... I truly do mean it. Sadly, I have a weird complex and if I don't get comments either 1.) praising my work or 2.) critiquing me I feel like I have failed as a writer (since I have a fantasy novel that has been burning at mind my years, literally). Just sayin'! Lol


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie and Jack talk about why Nat is grounded. Garrus and Nat share a moment in which he finds out that she knows a lot.

To put it mildly Nat was pouting in the mess hall with a steaming cup of sugary goodness mixed with about a tablespoon of coffee (she smiled at the memory of Garrus teasing her, asking if was allergic to coffee) and data pad reading one of her favorite novels from the nineteenth century.  After the “Horizon incident”, as Shepard called it, she was grounded for the next three missions. She huffed, knitting her brows in anger.

She looked up as a figure sat across from her, dropping into a seat with a grunt and slamming their bowl of Gardener’s gumbo on the table. She glared at Jack for interrupting her quiet time, but the tattooed woman ignored her and shoved a spoonful of the gumbo into her mouth. Deciding that Jack wasn’t going to bother her, she focused her attention back on Darcy and Elizabeth and settled back in her seat, twisting her ankle to pop it.

“Whatcha readin’, N7?” Jack questioned after a few minutes, craning her neck to see the data pad while pushing her empty bowl to the side. Nat sighed and put it down on the table, brushing her long, thick waves over her shoulder.

“A very good book and you’re interrupting the best part.”

“Reading is for pussies. We should blow somethin’ up instead.” Nat laughed and smiled, shaking her head at the biotic.

“Reading is enlightening. Is betters your speech, your vocabulary and it’s been proven to make you smarter. Reading Shakespeare has the same effect on your brain as when you do algebra or chemistry.” Jack sighed, calling her lame and toyed with her spoon, while taking in Nat’s casual appearance and bare feet. How did she walk around the cold ship with no socks? Jack’s feet were always the first part of her body to get cold which is why she preferred combat boots.

“Aren’t you cold?” Nat shrugged, adjusting the strap of her N7 tank top that was falling off her shoulder, missing the look off desire that flitted over Jack’s face.

“I like the cold. I can always put more on but there is only so much you can take off if you’re hot before you’re indecent. More’s the pity too, it’s fun to sit around buck-ass naked and read,” she laughed. Jack quirked a brow at her.

“Have you seen the shit I wear? Indecent is my middle name.” They fell back into silence before Jack nudged her with the toe of her boot. “I hear ya got yourself grounded. What the fuck did’ya do?” Once again, anger bubbled up inside of her and she shifted her position.

“I got into a fight with that uppity, racist bitch Ashley. First she tells him that she loved him and had missed him, totally understandable; I’ve been there, I get that,” she said breathlessly, casting her green eyes at the gun battery door. Her gaze flittered back to Jack’s to find the biotic watching her with an intense look. “But then after she hugs him she steps away and she calls him a traitor, to his face and you know what he does? Nothing! He just stood there and took her verbal abuse. Granted he tried to tell her that he was dead, dead as a doornail, dead as dead can be, but she interrupted him saying how she couldn’t believe he didn’t contact her. Again he tried to tell her that he wasn’t able to but she cut him off saying something about knowing where her loyalties lie and she’d never betray her own people.” She stopped and sucked in an angry breath, uncurling her fingers and laid her palms flat against the cool table, taking a moment to calm down. Even now, the thought of that _woman_ made her furious. She wanted to spar, maybe Jack would be willing.

“Did you fucking beat her ass?” To someone who didn’t know Jack like Nat did, it might have sounded like she wasn’t being serious but Nat knew that she was serious. Jack appeared to a be a cold-hearted bitch, and maybe she was, but Nat loved people, love to talk to people and she had earned Jack’s respect on Purgatory.

“No, not that I didn’t want too, but I just got in her. I was a Major in the Alliance and I would never, _ever_ turn traitor to humanity. I swore to protect them with my life and I did, still do. Maybe when all this is over I’ll go back, see what I can do about the Reapers. Either way, I lost it. I put my Major act on, told her what was what and who I was. I told her she was a nobody. I brought up her family; I know about her history, I told her she was a lapdog. I knew Shepard was angry with me since he was silent on the whole shuttle ride back, but I don’t care. She’s a bitch and she deserved it. If anyone needed to be put back in their place, it was her. If she loved him, actually loved him, she would never have said those things,” she finished quietly, her voice breaking.

She ducked her head to blink back the tears, thankful for her long hair that hid her face like a silken curtain, that were threatening splash onto her cheeks. It was stupid to cry, Garrus hadn’t ever said there was a commitment or that he was attached to her in that way. She had felt he was and even now, he would act jealous if he saw her laughing with one of CIC boys, saw the spark in his eyes if Shepard touched her hand or arm when they talked. But she didn’t know what it meant and it confused her.

When she tried to talk to him, to tell him that she’d missed him desperately, he had just stood there, his hip against his console in the gun battery. He didn’t say anything, not even a, “it’s not you, it’s me” or “I found someone else”; all she had received was his silence. The woman part of her wanted to storm in there and demand an explanation, but her rational, soldier part held her back.

Jack watched Nat in silence. She was never good with feelings and it seemed that she woman in front of her was having a lot of them at the moment. Normally she would have told someone to go cry away from her, but Nat had gone out of her way, more than anyone she had ever known, to get to know her. At first she was weary, she didn’t want to get close to anyone; it only led to her getting fucked over.

Now though, after having been on the Normandy for almost three months, she admitted that she considered Nat her friend, her only friend. Nat had let her bitch and moan about Cerberus, listened to her about her fucked up childhood and laughed when she told her about some of her adventures, but she had never shared much about herself except to say that she was a soldier who survived on Elysium and made it through the rigorous N7 training.

Jack was by no means stupid, she’d seen a lot of shit, been on both sides of getting fucked over and being the one to fuck over the other. She knew there was history between Natalie and Garrus, she saw the looks Nat gave him when she thought no one was looking, and the sad look in her eyes when he passed her without saying anything. She also, however, saw the looks that Garrus tossed her way. Like the other day when Nat had been making herself something to eat, much to Gardener’s dismay, and Garrus had leaned against the wall to just watch her a distant look in his eyes like he was having a memory of something, his mandibles twitching like he wanted to do or say something. When he had noticed that Jack had caught him, he had hurried off to the gun battery.

It pissed her off actually. If he wasn’t going to make a move or stop acting like he didn’t give a shit about her, then Jack would gladly step in and take her from him. She cared about her a lot, much more than she wanted to admit, but she wouldn’t wait forever for him to pull his head from his ass. She drummed her fingers on the table, trying to figure out a way to get Natalie to understand the depths of her feelings for her when Garrus’ voice pulled them both out of their quiet musings.

“Natalie? Can I talk to you? It’s important.”

She mentioned woman looked up, her brows knitting together. He only used that tone when he wanted to talk about work or a case they’d been working on. She nodded, sliding out of her seat and she squeezed Jack’s shoulder as she walked by, “We should spar. I’ll only be a moment.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The door to the gun battery hissed closed behind them and she turned to face him, crossing her arms over her chest, tilting her head. “What’s up?”

He sighed and scrubbed a hand over the good side of his face. “Do you still have your contacts at C-Sec or the Citadel?” She eyed him for a moment before nodding.

“Yeah, it’s how I got my information about the slavers,” she answered, ignoring his curious look. “Why? What do you need them for?”

He paused, unsure of how he should word his next sentence. He didn’t want to tell her about Omega and maybe asking her to help him was a bad idea. If she found out about what he had been doing in the year that he hadn’t spoken to her he wasn’t sure how she’d take it. “I’m looking for someone and I have a lead, but I just want to double check. Your contacts were good.”

“You’re looking for Lantar Sidonis aren’t you?”

His eyes snapped to hers and it frustrated him that’d slipped into “Major mode”, keeping her features smooth and devoid of any emotion or inclination to his shock.  She would do that whenever they had arguments or if he said something that she didn’t like to hear about. “How do you know about that?” Her left eyebrow raised and a small smile played at the corners of her mouth.

“Garrus, you worked with me for a year. You were there when I told Shepard I already knew about the Collectors. I’m good at my job, though I don’t do my job anymore; officially. When you weren’t very forthcoming about where you were or what you had done, I got in touch with my people; I asked around for any information. Then I heard Shepard call you Archangel and I knew. It was easy since I knew you were going to Omega, but then I got my fingers on the mercs records and I found out how they managed to kill your squad.”

He stared at her trying to decide if he should be angry at her or not. That was one thing she had never talked about, what she actually had done in the Alliance. In the entire time he knew her she had glossed over it, but now he had inkling, a hunch. At his silence, she continued. “There is a guy on the Citadel, his name is Fade. He helps people disappear, set a meeting with him.”

She turned to leave but on instinct he reached out, like he used to when she’d been upset with him, and wrapped his hand around her wrist. She looked at him with inscrutable eyes, framed by her dark lashes and he had the overwhelming urge to brush his forehead against hers. Spirits, he’d missed her eyes; they were the brightest green and he’d never seen a more beautiful color. “Come with me,” he asked. She bit her lip, something she did when she was thinking something over.

“I’m grounded and you need to take this up with Shepard. He runs this ship and he decides the missions. I have no say and we’re not partners anymore,” she whispered, unable to speak in normal tones at the look he was giving her, the way his eyes burned into her soul with their blue the color of sky. She pulled her wrist out of his grasp and quickly left the battery, her words echoing in his head.

_We’re not partners anymore._

_We’re. Not. Partners…_

_Anymore._

Her words held two meanings and only one of them broke his heart, especially when she smiled “that smile” at Jack who returned it eagerly.

_We’re not partners… anymore._

He only blamed himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I thought about going into Garrus' loyalty mission, but alas. It will have to wait, sadly. We still have to pick up Tali among other important things. I hope everyone liked it though! :-)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tali is back! Yay!

“How bad is your suit rupture?” Sawyer yelled over the bullets whizzing past his head, the noises from the Geth and sound of the Colossus every time it fired.

Kal’Reegar slid another rocket in and locked it into place, slapping his hand against it. “My suit sealed shut and I’m swimming in anti-biotics. I’m not gonna die in the middle of a battle, that’s just insulting.”

Natalie’s lips quirked in amusement as she peered around the edge of the concrete wall only to be yanked back by Garrus right before a bullet almost blew her head off. “Thanks,” she said, letting out a breath of shock.

“You’re sure Tali’s still alive?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty hard to hack a door when there are rockets being fired at ya!” He popped up, blasting off a shot at the Colossus, but it just huddled up to fix itself. “Dammit! I hate it when it does that!”

“Stay down; I need you to stay alive.” Kal nodded as Sawyer turned to Garrus and Nat. His eyes scanned the battlefield, trying to find the safest route. There wasn’t one. They either let their shields get fried going to the right or they get slaughtered going to the left. Fuck it. If they stayed in the shade, behind the cover, they could do some serious damage on the right side.

He shoved an item into Nat’s hand, his eyes burning into hers and nodded. She gave a curt nod, in silent understanding before cloaking herself and was gone.

“What the hell are you doing? She’s going to get killed!” Garrus said in anger, sliding his sniper off his back and shooting a Geth in the face, its light exploding in showers of sparks.

“She’ll be fine!” Sawyer screamed over the battle raging behind them. “Besides, if you care you _might_ want to tell her before Jack steals your woman!”

There was a slight commotion to the right side and Nat’s cloak shimmered away as she threw her back against the crumbling concrete, her arm rising and threw something.

“Go!” He and Garrus took off to her position, sprinting towards her and slid into position next to her.

“3, 2, 1… cover your eyes!” she cried, ducking her head as there was an explosion that jostled them against each other. She yanked Shepard’s heavy weapon off his back, turning just her torso, and fired rapidly at the Colosuss.

“Garrus, overload its shields!” Garrus keyed it into his omni-tool as Natalie once again tossed another object back behind them before turning again and pulling heavily on the trigger of the weapon until the Colossus shuddered, its light blinking out and it exploded.

Garrus killed the last Geth before looking between the two crazy humans who were covered in white, sticky synthetic blood both grinning at each other like idiots.

“That--”

“Was--”

“Fucking AWESOME!” They cried in unison, their hands slapping together in the air.

“What was that?” Sawyer smirked at Garrus.

“A gift from Mordin. It emits a sound only the Geth can hear and they scrabble around it, like a pipe bomb almost but with a big-ass explosion. I would have let you do it, but she’s faster. See? Your faith in me needs some work buddy,” he laughed, clapping a hand on the Turians shoulder before turning his back. “Now c’mon. Tali needs us.”

“More like you need yourself some Tali,” Nat quipped behind them, laughing as Sawyer flipped her off without even turning around. “I can’t wait to meet her! Joker wouldn’t shut up about her and Chakwas said she was super energetic and cute. I know Liara really likes her,” she said offhandedly, not even realizing her words until they left her mouth, her hand popping up to her lips. She pressed her lips together into a thin line as both Garrus and Sawyer stopped to turn and look at her.

Sawyer’s darker blue eyes narrowed, obviously trying to intimidate her, but she was immune. She thought about narrowing her eyes right back at him, but decided against it. Instead she let her stance relax as she crossed her arms over her chest. “How do you know Liara?” She waved him off, trying to gather an excuse.

“I was on Illium for a few weeks looking for some information and I was pointed into her direction.” She hoped that would sate his curiosity but when he pulled his lips back, dimples showing in his cheeks she knew it hadn’t.

“Why kind of information could an archaeologist have for you? Were you looking for information on the Protheans?” Too many questions post battle.

“Not exactly. When we get to Illium you’ll see for yourself,” she decided to say. It was the only way out of their current conversation. Garrus recognized her skirting the subject and turned to Shepard, pointing to the door where Tali was.

“Tali’s probably thinking that we’re dead. We might want to hurry.” After Shepard’s back turned she tossed him a grateful look, before following their backs.

The door creaked open, its edges rusted from not being used in almost three centuries. “Just let me finish this download,” came the voice of the small Quarian who was typing rapidly on a screen before facing them. “Thank you Shepard, if not for you I never would have made it out of this room. This whole mission has been a disaster. I wish I’d joined you back on Freedom’s Progress.”

“What kind of research were you doing here anyway?” He asked as he popped off his helmet, hooking it to his side. She sighed and twisted her fingers together.

“I was studying the star. This is a normal star,” she said as she brought up Sol. “It looks perfect, bright with no problems now this one,” she said as she brought up another one, presumably the one that was frying their shields. “is off. It shouldn’t be aging like this, at least, not so quickly. It’s destabilizing. I think its dark energy. It’s doing something strange to the inside of it.”

“So what you’re essentially saying is that soon it’s going to explode into a red giant?” Tali looked at Nat, nodding her head sadly.

“If that happens then no more Haestrom. Not that it really matters at this point, to be honest. This planet is unlivable, uninhabitable.” Nat offered her a sad smile. Can’t blame the Quarians for being curious or trying to find a planet to live on that once belonged to them.

“Whatever the reason, I’m glad I could help,” Sawyer said, stepping forward slightly and giving a light touch to her hands. “I could use you on the Normandy, Tali. Engineering is awfully quiet without you.” Tali laughed, her head tilted back and there was a smile in her warbled voice.

“I promised to see this mission through; I’ll leave with you and forward the data to the Fleet.  I’m yours Shepard.” Natalie was fairly certain there was a double meaning in that statement, but suppressed her grin. Tali tapped on her omni-tool adding, “And if the admirals have a problem with it they can go to hell. I just watched my entire team die.”

A voice behind them, weak but there, spoke up. “Maybe not the whole rest of your team, ma’am.” Tali pushed Shepard out of the way and rushed to him, checking over him for any major suit ruptures.

“You made it!”

“You’re old Captain’s as good as you said. Colossus didn’t stand a chance with those upgraded grenades. Nice, by the way,” he said as looked at Shepard and crew. Sawyer looked at him carefully.

“Do you need anything? The Normandy is ready if you need to get somewhere.”

“Nah, I’ll be good. I’ll relay the data to the Fleet Tali, no worries. Be safe, ma’am.” She squeezed his arm lightly.

“You too Kal.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Tali strode into the briefing room, stopping when Jacob addressed her. “I wasn’t a part of what happened on the Flotilla.” She eyed him from behind her mask, not saying anything for a moment.

“You’re still Cerberus. You still work for the people who did that.” Jacob pressed his lips together in a thin line when she turned to Sawyer. “Really Shepard? I was hoping you were going to blow them up, if you do I’ll lend you a grenade. If not then, well, mores the pity.” Sawyer chuckled and couldn’t resist pulling her into a hug, closing his eyes when her soft, warm body pressed against his. When he pulled back she had an embarrassed look on her face.

“I don’t trust them. I remember what they did and that’s why I want you here, Tali. I need people that I can trust, people who aren’t Cerberus.”

“If you say so. I’ll head to engineering.” Jacob, always the antagonist, spoke up.

“We’ll make sure to get you the necessary clearance.” Her expression was hard to read behind her mask as she regarded him.

“Please do, I can’t be a part of the team if I don’t how the ship works.” She turned to leave when Jacob’s voice stopped her once again.

“Oh and don’t forget to introduce yourself to the ships AI; EDI.” She twisted her top and if looks could kill, he would have been a smoking pile of ash. Shepard could see the anger in them and hid his smile behind his hand. She stalked out silently and Jacob shook his head before leaving as well, only stopping at Sawyer’s voice.

“Do not cause trouble with my crew, Taylor or we’ll have a problem.” Jacob opened his mouth to speak, but Sawyer cut him off, raising his hand to silence him. “You antagonized her on purpose but know that she could hurt you in a million different ways and I won’t be there to help you if you push her too far. She hates Cerberus already and your attitude won’t help you get on her good side. Dismissed.”

After the door shit behind him, Sawyer leaned heavily against the table and rubbed at his temples. Between Jacob’s antagonizing attitude and Miranda’s blatant disregard for Sawyer and his crew he wasn’t sure how they could do this.

_Start thinking that way and you’ve already lost._

I don’t know how to get them to work with everyone.  Miranda hates Natalie and Jack. Jacob seems to have an issue with Tali. 

_So help them. Go see about the Gernsback and help Miranda with her sister. They’re worried about stuff and if you ignore it, the mission will suffer._

I know, but fuck. Is that just the beginning? Will everyone need help with something? 

_Quit being an ass, Sawyer. Everyone might die on this mission and they have a right to fix things with loved ones or right wrongs. If they die you need to make sure they die happy. You’re their goddamned Commander._

 

 

* * *

 

 

After Kelly told him that Mordin, Grunt and Garrus wish to speak to him he learned that they all needed help of some sort. At least Mordin and Grunt both needed to get to Tuchanka so they could knock out two birds with one stone. Garrus needed to get to the Citadel which wouldn’t be a problem. When he left the battery he made his way to engineering to find Nat talking animatedly with Tali.

“What did you find on your Pilgrimage?” Nat asked, leaning up against the side of the console clearly trying to ignore the lascivious look Ken was giving her. Gabby seemed irritated by it if her glares at his back were any indication.

“Oh, well Shepard actually found some encrypted data on the Geth and I asked him if I could have a copy.”

“I bet the Fleet was ecstatic over that one. Getting their hands on any Geth intel is invaluable to them, isn’t it? Speaking of which,” she said, pulling up her omni-tool and typing on it. “I have some Geth information if you’re interested. I just sent it to you. It looked like pretty juicy stuff so I’ve been hanging on to it. I didn’t want it to get into the wrong hands.” Tali’s omni beeped and when she pulled it up, she looked at Nat in disbelief, shock in her voice.

“How did you get this?” Nat smiled ruefully at her, before noticing Sawyer standing there.

“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell,” she answered cryptically. She pushed away from the console and squeezed Tali’s arm lightly. “Anyway, I’ll be down with Jack if you want to talk later. I’ll let you two catch up.” She walked away and winked at Shepard who, once again, flipped her off and she laughed, waving his rudeness off.

Tali looked up at him with a smile before she closed her omni-tool. “So what did she give you?” he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“Schematics for one. A whole slew of them and it’s things that the Geth have built. Not to mention patrol routes and locations of Geth dreadnaughts and bases. I have no idea how she got her hands on this, but this-this is more than just invaluable. It’s like discovering a planet that it pure eezo. Where did you find her, Shepard?”

How did she get her that information? The Geth keep those hidden and very well. It’s not like they would have just left them lying around somewhere for anyone to happen upon. And it was decrypted already, which is no easy feat considering the data he had given Tali would take them years to decrypt. There were a lot of things about Natalie Evans that he wanted answers too and Garrus was a surpringly dry well when it came to her.

“I didn’t. The Illusive Man did, but you’re right; she is something else,” he shrugged.

“Well, I hope we keep her. She’s really friendly and she was the second one to actually talk to me and not try to convince me that Cerberus is “good”. Kelly is nice, but I get the feeling she wants more than just a friend,” she laughed.  

“I don’t think Garrus would let me get rid of her, even if I tried,” he said honestly, before he realized what he said. Shit. Garrus and Nat were barely on speaking terms unless they were on a mission and he still hadn’t been able to get Garrus to fess up about what the hell was going on. As long as it didn’t fuck with the mission then it should be okay to let them hash it out. Maybe he could get Tali to ask –

_SAWYER! You let them work it out and do not pry. You’re just as bad as a girl._

Hey! I’m worried about my best friend, okay?

_No, you’re curious and you want answers; like you always do. But now that you opened your big fat mouth, Tali will talk to Nat._

No, she won’t . She’s not like that.

_She’s a **woman** , Sawyer. _

“Natalie and Garrus are a thing? That’s,” she paused as she tried to find the right word. “unexpected to say the least.”

“They were, but I guess something happened between them. They’re not anymore and Garrus won’t tell me what happened, exactly. They were together when they worked at C-Sec then he left for Omega, didn’t contact her and this is the first time they’ve been together since then.” Okay, so maybe he did sound like a girl, but his love life was lacking and at least this took his mind off his own lack of sex.

_Wait for it…_

“Maybe I can get some answers from her. Now I’m curious,” she said, smiling like it was the most exciting thing in the ‘verse.

_And I told you so. Big mouth._

Sasquatch. 

_Fucker._

Ghost.

_Hey, that’s just;_ he could almost hear her giggle when she added, _cold_.

“That is up to you, but I wanted to see if the Fleet has said anything about the data you sent them.” She sighed and shook her head.

“No and I probably won’t hear back for a while or an unsecured channel for that matter. They know about Cerberus so getting anything back from them will be severely encrypted. Either way, I really need to run some diagnostics on this engine. Say what you will about Cerberus, but I have to admit that they know how to build a ship. This drive core is amazing. Just, do me a favor, don’t tell them I said that.” He laughed and shook his head, running his finger across his lips.

“My lips are sealed. Alright, well I’ll get back to it. I need to help Jacob with some personal business, but I’ll be back later to check on you. And hey, shoot me an email if you get anything thing out of Nat.” She gave him a nod and turned her back on him.

It was damn good to have Tali back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gee, I don't remember the last time I updated so fast! Lol Hopefully this is a good one. The next chapter should be posted either later tonight or tomorrow. It just depends.
> 
> Oh and I know that Nat was grounded for three missions and I did not address it in this chapter. However, since Kasumi and Zaeed's missions were DLC and not part of the main story I decided that those would count as well as Shepard going to speak with Anderson at the Citadel. I just wanted to ease the confusion this might have caused. All major missions, including loyalties, will be addressed in some way or another.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little insight into Garrus and Nat's previous relationship with his admittance to wanting to go to Omega. Jacob's loyalty mission and a moment shared between Sawyer and Nat.

_Over the past eleven months their relationship had developed from partners to friends and eventually blossomed into lovers. Maybe they were comprising their working relationship, but they were able to keep work separated from personal, despite all of C-Sec being painfully aware of the two of them. A human, Johnson, who worked in their division, had walked in on them sharing a private moment and had blabbed his big mouth and in less than a day all of C-Sec knew that Garrus Vakarian and Natalie Evans were an item, much to the dismay of many men and women._

_He had begun to spend less and less time at his own shabby apartment and most of his clothes, weapons, mods and ammo was stored at her place. They had even taken to grocery shopping together, making sure to keep dextro, levo and even dextro-levo foods stocked. She kept them separated by slapping a yellow sticker on all dextro, a pink sticker on all levo and a green sticker on all dextro-levo food. Generally when they made dinner they made dextro-levo dishes, unless they were going to be eating alone._

_However, he was getting fed up with C-Sec and fast. He was tired of all the red-tape they encountered on cases and all of the bureaucratic shit they kept finding themselves a part of or running face first into. He was toying with the idea of leaving C-Sec and venturing out to see what else he could do, but he didn’t want to leave her. If he did leave, he wanted her to go with him but he wasn’t sure he could ask that of her._

_He heard her unlock the door and he looked up to see her walk in with a few bags in her hand. She’d been shopping for some new clothes since there was a C-Sec party coming up and she didn’t really have anything fancy to wear._

_“I’m home!” she called, kicking her shoes off at the door. He smiled, letting the phrase wash over him. “Home” had taken on a whole new meaning for him whenever she said it. It was permanent, it sounded like it was theirs. Granted, he didn’t pay for the apartment since he still technically had his own, but for all intent and purpose this was his home._

_“Find anything you like?” He asked, peering into the bags she set on the counter. She groaned and tossed herself into the chair at the table._

_“Not really. I’m not big into dresses and asari have different tastes than I do. Ooo! But I did find this,” she squealed, dipping her hand into the bag to retrieve the latest model of the scope he’d been eyeing a few days ago. “Consider it an early birthday present, old man.” He made a face at her, being reminded of their distinct age difference._

_“I’m not that old,” he grumbled, taking the offered gift. She laughed and patted his arm._

_“It’s okay honey. I still love you even though you’re fifteen years older than I am,” she hopped out of her chair and stood on her tip toes to press a kiss to his mandible to emphasize her meaning. She turned away, grabbing a bag and headed to their bedroom to change out of her C-Sec uniform._

_“If I was born on Earth I would only be five years older than you, by the way!” he called to her retreating back, shaking his head when she tossed him an impish smile over her shoulder. As he turned the scope over in his hands he thought about what she had said._

_She’d used those words again. I love you. She’d only said it once before, when they were having sex and he had chalked it up to the hormones that had been coursing through her. He knew that, because of extensive research, human women, when they experienced an orgasm, had a rush of oxytocin which gave them the feeling of love and euphoria but she hadn’t said it since and when she had said it just then it flowed out of her._

_He cared about her, very much so, but he wasn’t ready to put a name to the feeling. If he said it and then come to find out he didn’t mean it, it would break her heart and that was the last thing he wanted. The more he thought about it, however, he knew that his feelings were stronger than he dared admit. Maybe he did love her. He’d practically moved in with her, they shopped together, they made dinner together. If that wasn’t love, then what was it? Hearing her laugh, looking into her eyes, or running his hands through her hair gave him a sense of peacefulness that he didn’t think he could ever experience. She was the only reason he hadn’t quit C-Sec and run off._

_Speaking of C-Sec he needed to talk to her about the possibility of leaving and it was a conversation he was dreading. There were too many possible outcomes. Her screaming, her crying or her throwing him out and refusing to speak to him were all possibilities. If she didn’t go with him then would she find someone else? Would he lose what they shared?_

_Imagining her with someone else, picturing her kissing someone else or giving them that smile that was only reserved for him made him angry. If he left it would be impossible to continue their relationship with him on Omega and how long would it take her to find someone else? He was neither stupid nor blind; he saw the looks both the human and Turian males gave her at work. He’d even caught Chellik trying to chat her up one day, before Johnson spilled the beans. Even Palin, who wasn’t very fond of humans, gave her appreciative looks and tried to get her alone to talk with her._

_She padded up quietly behind him and slipped her arms around his waist, laying her cheek against his back bringing him out of his revere. He turned in her arms and hooked a blunted talon under her chin, turning her face up so he kiss her softly, his eyes sliding shut when her mouth met his. She sighed against him, running her hands up his chest to wrap around his neck, standing on her toes._

_He wanted nothing more than to continue, but he had to talk to her so he pulled away. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.” She gave him a curious look, her brow wrinkling slightly. She stepped away at his tone, crossing her arms over her chest. Great, she was slipping into Major mode on him._

_“Alright, what is it?”_

_“I’ve been thinking of leaving C-Sec and I wanted your opinion on it. With this last case, I’m not sure if I can do this job anymore. Our shipment is gone, but I traced it to Omega. I was thinking of going there and seeing what I can do.” She looked down, her face smooth and expressionless. He hated when she did that to him. He wanted to know what she was thinking and she was hiding it from him. When she looked back up at him there was a flicker of emotion that flashed through her eyes, but it was too fast for him to catch. Damn._

_“That’s pretty far away,” she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper._

_“Yeah, this is why I wanted to talk to you about it.”_

_The unspoken words hung in the air between them. She knew that if he went to Omega he would be ending what they had and he knew that she had figured it out. She swallowed and blinked rapidly before turning away from him and grabbing her bag, slinging it over her shoulder._

_“I need time to think about it,” she said as she hurried away from him, slipping her shoes on and reaching for the handle on the door. Before she left, she looked at him her eyes bright with unshed tears and he wanted to take back everything he had just said, stride across the room and hold her; he wanted to soothe away the pain that_ he _was causing her. “But if it’s what you want, then I won’t stop you Garrus.” As she turned he saw her face crumple, losing her Major face and heard the exhale of breath._

_When the door shut behind her, he sunk into a chair with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. In that instant he knew that he loved her, but the damage was already done. She never called him Garrus anymore when they were alone, she had a wide range of pet names for him unless they were at work and then she addressed him as “Officer Vakarian” for professionalism. He clenched his jaw, pulling his mandible close against his face and closed his eyes against his own tears._

_Hurting her was the most painful thing he had ever experienced. It was the last thing he ever wanted to do. If someone else hurt her he could comfort her, but how could he comfort her when he had just told her that he was leaving her? He didn’t know, wasn’t sure if he could._

_By the time she had come back, it was late. It was well past midnight when he saw the lights turn on underneath their bedroom door. The door opened and she crept in quietly, going to their closet and grabbed a spare pillow and blanket, swaying slightly on her feet. She’d been drinking; he could smell it on her. She turned, not looking at his form and crept back out shutting the door behind her with a quiet click._

_He heard her rustling out in the living room, the creak of the couch as she lay down. He clenched his hands against the tingling pain. She didn’t want to sleep next to him; she didn’t even look at him. He flipped onto his back and closed his eyes, listening to the quiet sobs coming from the living room._

* * *

 

Jacob’s “loyalty” mission didn’t turn out as expected. His father had intentionally kept the beacon offline for ten years, killed the officers and used the women to his satisfy his own perverse needs. Sawyer was furious. The whole situation was disgusting. Maybe if he’d had a better answer than “being in command was too tough” Sawyer would have understood and Jacob might have too, but he didn’t and they couldn’t forgive him. Natalie tried to reason with them but in the end they had left him there with one bullet in his pistol, not even bothering to contact the Alliance. It was better that they didn’t know, they’d agreed; two against one.

On the shuttle ride back, Jacob vented his anger with balled up fists at his sides. He couldn’t understand how his father, his own flesh and blood, could do something like that.

“How could he use those women like that? How didn’t he feel that it was fucked up? What about my mother? What about **_me_**?” He asked angrily, jumping up and pacing. Sawyer had no answers and he felt Jacob’s pain, he felt Jacob’s anger at the whole thing.

It was fucked up.

It was unfair.

Natalie, being the ever compassionate one, got out of her seat and laid a hand on Jacob’s arm, startling him from his red vision. She pulled him to her in a hug, ran her hand over his back in a soothing manner and let him cry tears of both despair and anger against her shoulder while she spoke to him softly.

“Remember that at one point he was a good man, a loving father and a devoted husband. Remember that he _did_ love you, no matter what he turned out to be. He _did_ love your mother. Don’t think about what he became, but remember, cherish, what he was to you as a boy. Take those memories and relive them, everyday if you have too. Those are the good ones. Wash away the bad with a bottle of the strongest rum you have, but don’t forget that he was an amazing man. Don’t let this break you Jacob, you’re better than that; better than him,” she whispered, her arms wound tight around him as he clutched her like she was his life saver.

The sight should have been uncomfortable for Sawyer, but it wasn’t. It gave him a chance to observe her, gauge her and learn who she was. She was complicated; she was a soldier, she was a Major, she was a slaver hunter, but she was also compassionate, friendly, loving. She could be downright scary, tough and self-sufficient. She was a hacker, she could get any information and she rivaled the Shadow Broker when it came to contacts and being able to get any answers. She probably knew more about the Council than anyone. Again, she was complicated.

Once the shuttle docked, Jacob had pulled away and rushed towards the armory to sort his thoughts which was natural and Sawyer didn’t follow. He understood that he needed time, maybe more than most. He lived through Mindoir and Torfan. He made it to Ilos and back again. He had died and was reborn. If anyone got it, it was him.

As Nat hopped off the shuttle he stopped her, placing his hand on her shoulder his blue eyes searching her green ones. “Thank you for being there for Jacob when he needed it,” he began. “You’re not easy to understand, but you have a connection to some of the crew that I will never have. I’m not complaining, really, I just want you to know that with you, I think this mission is possible. I don’t want to pressure you, but at some point I need you to tell me everything. Either way, I’m glad the Illusive Man gave me your dossier,” he said with a slight smile. She looked down at her armored feet, chewing on her bottom lip before looking at him, her eyes unreadable.

“One of these days, Commander, I will tell you anything that I am able to. You ever hear the phrase, “If I tell you, I’d have to kill you”? In my case, it’s true. Even your Spectre status can’t override that,” she said quietly, her eyes far away with a frown on her lips and a crinkle in her forehead. Jane had used to get that look when she was thinking about something difficult or painful and he wanted to soothe it away, but he didn’t want to come off as hitting on her. He was beginning to see Nat as more and more of a little sister.

He pulled her against him in a hug, threading his fingers through her hair and ran his hand between the strands. He tucked her face against his neck and rubbed her back through her armor before taking her face in his hands and looking into her eyes, like he had done to his older sister so many times after seeing his father do it.

“I want you to tell me when you’re absolutely ready, Natalie. I want you to tell me what you _want_ to tell me, what is most comfortable for you,” he berated softly before pressing a kiss to her forehead, his eyes sliding closed. When he pulled back she smiled at him, her eyes watery and her smile shaky.

“Thank you, Sawyer,” she whispered, taking one of his hands and clenched it tightly, kissing him on the cheek. She swiped at her tears with her free hand. “My brother died on Mindoir and I see so much of him in you; I feel like he’s in you, talking to me, as much as that sounds stupid.” Sawyer laughed, pulling her against him again, kissing the top of her head.

“Not stupid at all. You remind me of my older sister, Jane. I’m glad you’re here,” he said, smiling at her. She chuckled.

“I guess we’re both crazy then,” she added, smiling at him before pressing a kiss to his cheek. Over the top of her head, he saw Garrus’ retreating back heading into the elevator.

Well, shit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope that you felt the emotions in this chapter. I tried to portray them as best as possible and I will admit that I cried writing the scene between Garrus and Nat, but I'm an emotional person. Lol! As always, I hope that you enjoyed it. :-)
> 
> Oh and as far as Garrus' age goes, I did the math. Given how long it takes Palaven to orbit its sun and how long it takes for the planet to rotate I was able to approximate Garrus's age in Mass Effect 2 as 46 turning 47 years old. So yeah... Lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another memory of Garrus' leading up to a dedicated chapter on just Nat with a Miranda beat-down.

_He threw his head back as a groan escaped his lips, rumbling through the room and bouncing off the walls. Her mouth was doing wonderful things to his neck and mandibles. He praised the Spirits for humans and their ability to do so many things with their lips, cheeks and tongues especially when she showed just what exactly her mouth could do a few nights ago._

_He was getting impatient, he wanted her, wanted to taste her but so far she’d only let him touch. She was more than willing to give pleasure, but she refused to let him give back. Tonight was the first night she’d let him remove her shirt and he reveled in caressing every inch of skin he could get his hands and talons on._

_It was so soft, so smooth and it did amazing things when he touched it. It would pebble at his touch, it heated under his fingers and it flushed a beautiful rosy color when he pressed his mouth against it and he wondered if all of her skin did that. She was straddling him on the bed, her nails digging into the skin under his fringe and it was taking all of his self control, which was waning quickly, to not flip them over and have his way with her._

_His hand slid down her back, over the curve of her waist and when he dipped his hand into the band of her pants and felt a scar her movements stilled. She pulled away from him, going for her shirt and he caught another scar that lead down her abdomen, one that he had yet to discover._

_He grabbed her wrist and when she looked at him, she looked ashamed and pain flashed through her beautiful green eyes. “I have a few scars, it’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he said softly, tilting her head up and pressing his lips against hers. He thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and he told her that._

_“It’s not that it- well, it is but not how you might think,” she whispered, twisting the shirt in her hands. It was a matter of how she had gotten them that made her feel ashamed, dirty. If he knew the truth would he push her away in disgust? Would he look at her differently? Would he look at her like she was weak? His hand stroked her hair as she contemplated what to say. They’d never gotten this far before, at least on her end. She’d always got him off and never wanted anything in return. Hell, she’d never gotten this far with anyone, ever, for fear of rejection. She wanted to be with him, to share herself with him. She loved him and had loved him since the moment she met him. “My scars they- I got them on Mindoir.”_

_“I thought you were rescued by the Alliance?"_

_“Yeah, I was but I wasn’t fast enough to run away before two of them caught me,” she started, her eyes taking on a distant look. She talked about her parents and how they tried to protect her but died in the process. Her brother was gunned down in front of her. “I thought that they were going to kill me, but they didn’t, obviously. They had other plans for me.”_

_He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear anymore if the direction of her tale was heading in the direction he thought it was, but he let her continue anyway. He could tell that this had been eating at her, that she needed to tell him. “They took turns ripping my clothes off until I was finally naked and begging them to stop. One of them had this baton thing and he hit me with it, right here,” she placed her hand on her hip on the scar that he had felt and traced it down her leg to the middle of her thigh. “And it ends there. I never felt so much pain before. This one, right here on my shoulder, is from them. I would tell people it was because I was injured in combat but it’s not. And this one is where they shot me after they broke my nose. I eventually had my nose fixed, but at least their aim was terrible or I wouldn’t be here right now. Either way, after they quit beating me they took turns with me, doing whatever they wanted._

_“When the meaner of the two was raping me he pulled out his blade and cut me here,” she motioned to her abdomen, a faint pink line that shimmered in the light. “It goes all the way down to the top of my vagina. I begged them to kill me, I begged them to give me their gun and just let me do it, but they just laughed at me and kept going. I didn’t even know the Alliance was there until their heads exploded and a squad of soldiers ran up to me, asking me a thousand questions, pulling a blanket around me and one of the men carried me back to their shuttle.”_

_They sat in silence for a few minutes. There was an anger inside of him that he’d never felt before. How could someone do that to a fifteen year old girl? He took some comfort in the fact that the Alliance had killed them because if they hadn’t then he would have hunted them down and flayed them alive. When she moved to get off the bed he grabbed her and looked at her questioningly._

_“Where are you going?” She made a face that he didn’t recognize and her brows drew down, her eyes flickering to her hand that was engulfed by his larger, three-fingered one._

_“I assumed that with everything you’d want to leave,” she whispered, her voice breaking on the last word. He pulled her to him, sliding his hand through her hair._

_“No. Why would I?” He held her face in both of his hands, thumbing away the tears that streaked her face and looked into her eyes._

_“Who’d want me? I’m dirty and used, broken even. I’ve never been with anyone willingly before because when I look at myself in the mirror all I see is what they did me. They stole one of the only things that was ever truly mine to give.”_

_He was more than surprised that she’d never been with anyone with how casual she acted about sex, how comfortable she seemed in her sexuality in the way she teased him. Now that all the pieces of the puzzle were laid before him, he could see the whole picture. The way she got emotional when they dealt with a rape case, how she refused to let him see her naked or the fact that they hadn’t had sex. Part of him had begun to think that it was him and that maybe she didn’t want to have sex with him, with a Turian but the other part had told him that it couldn’t be true because he could smell her arousal when she did that thing with her mouth, when he touched her through her clothes or even when his mouth found that spot just beneath her ear. He loved that spot and he wanted to know how she would react to it with him inside of her._

_“I want you. Just because you’re not physically a virgin anymore doesn’t mean that you’re not. If you’ve never given yourself to someone, never experienced the true measure of adulthood, womanhood, then you still are. If you don’t want too then that’s okay too, I understand.” She gave a hoarse laugh that sounded like a bark._

_“Every guy has said that when I told them I didn’t want to have sex. Then they go and find someone else because I’m not putting out and don’t even let me try to explain why,” she said angrily. She shook her head and swallowed. To know that she thought that he was like every other man she’d dated before hurt him and it must have showed on his face. “I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to, I do. I want to give myself to you in every way possible, Garrus, please believe me, but I don’t know if I can go through with it. I don’t want to get you worked up then freak out on you. You have no idea how badly I want to do this with you.”_

_“So we do whatever you’re most comfortable with. And I’ve never been with a human so it’ll both be our first time,” he shrugged, giving her a small smile that he hoped soothed her. She bit her lower lip and gave him a shy smile. It was rare that she was so unguarded around him and it was refreshing. She was always so bottled up and it had been a long fantasy of his, longer than he would ever dare to admit to anyone, to see just how unguarded he could make her. He wanted her writhing under his mouth, tongue, hands and talons. But now – now he wanted to be the one to have her experience an orgasm, he wanted, personally, to carry her across the abyss of pleasure._

_He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers, pulling her against him and laying her on her back, covering her body with his. He kissed her until she was breathless, her fingers dancing over his plates and leathery hide._

_His lips left a searing trail over her skin as they moved from her lips to her jaw, down her throat and over her neck. He nipped at that spot under her ear and her breath caught in her throat, her body shuddered and legs wrapped around his waist of their own accord. His mandibles fluttered against her skin in a satisfied smirk, but when she moaned, a sound so soft he almost missed it, he did it again. Her stomach muscles jerked inwards where is hand was caressing, she said his name and moaned again._

_He then made it his life purpose to get her to make that sound every time he touched her._

_He dipped his head, scooting his body down on the bed and ran his tongue over the swell of her breasts, dipping it into the cup of her bra, coming upon a different texture of skin. He looked up at her and found her watching him which was a complete and utter turn on for him. She nodded under his look, sitting up and tugged her bra off, letting him, for the first time, see her breasts._

_The dark colored hardened nub caught his attention and he touched it with his finger experimentally. Her head lolled to the side, her fingers gripping his fringe tightly and another one of those soft moans escaped her parts lips. He let his tongue trace it, loving how her legs tightened around him, how her hips lifted slightly to touch his own painful arousal._

_He gave equal attention to her other breast before kissing the underside of them, pressing feverish kisses down her stomach, sliding his tongue over her scar and stopping just at the waistband of her pants. He wanted to rip them off and taste her. The scent of her arousal was intoxicating; it was sweet, musky and just_ her _._

_“Do you want to stop?” he asked, trying to reign in the rumbling of his secondary voice box. Her hands tugged at the button, pulled down the zipper._

_“If you stop now I’ll kill you,” she growled at him and he sighed happily. He hooked his talons into her pants and underwear, gently pulled them down over the swell of her hips, down her thighs and off, tossing them to somewhere behind him. Immediately, her legs snapped closed and her hands drifted down to her sex, a deep blush spreading over her cheeks and he found the answer to his previous musings. She did blush everywhere._

_“No don’t,” he wrapped his hands around her wrists and softly he urged them back up the pillows. “I want to see you.” Her legs fell open slowly, a nervous look on her face when he looked down, shifting his position so that he was kneeling the floor. He grabbed her hips and jerked her down until her ass was at the very edge of the bed and she laughed._

_He took in every inch of detail that was her. From the scar on her hip down to her thigh, to the scar on her abdomen that lead to the top of her trimmed sex (interesting),to the scars on the inside of her thighs. She was a sight to behold. Naked, a light sheen of sweat on her skin and aroused for just him. She looked like one of her Gods that he had encountered on his extensive human research._

_He traced the outline of her lips with his tongue, savoring the taste of her that exploded on his taste buds, down to her opening before pulling away to spread her. When his tongue connected with the moist, engorged hardened bud of flesh he was shocked by the sound that emitted from her and looked up, thinking that he had hurt her but her left hand was dancing across her abdomen while her other rubbed her nipple between her fingers._

_He dipped his head down again and again she made that sound; that deep, throaty, loud sound with his name falling from her lips. He sucked it softly, laved his tongue against it until she was panting and practically screaming._

_His finger moved up to her opening and she froze. “I’ve got you, Nat. It’s just me and you,” he murmured, stroking her thigh in comfort. She nodded, letting her head fall back against the pillow._

_His slid his thick finger inside of her, mindful of his blunted talon, and groaned against her clit. She was so wet, so warm and so, so tight. He could only imagine what she would feel like wrapped around him. He pushed deeper, closing his eyes when her muscles clenched around him, and found a rough, pebbled patch of skin. When he stroked it combined with his tongue on her she cried out, her hands fisted in the sheets, her hips bucked against him._

_“Oh, oh Garrus,” she moaned, grasping frantically at his fringe when his slowly increased his speed. “Please, I need-I need you.” He paused and looked up at her._

_“Are you sure?” he asked, but she was already moving up on the bed, her hand pulling at his to urge him. At her nod, he tugged his pants off and tossed them to the side. He crawled up her body, pressing kisses against her skin._

_When he was above her bracing himself on his elbows, his cock throbbing painfully, he looked at her, his hand stroking her cheek. Her hand wrapped around him, pressing him against her center._

_He didn’t rush, despite his body begging him too. He entered her slowly, inch by delicious inch, only slipping deeper inside when she nodded. When he was finally buried inside of her, he dropped his head against her shoulder, groaning as her body contracted around him, getting used to the invasion. When her hips moved under his, her legs coming up and resting on his jutting hips, he pulled back before slowly sliding back inside of her._

_He continued his agonizingly slow pace until her movements urged him faster. She pressed her hips against his, caught his lips in a heady kiss._

_He’d never felt something so amazing. She was so tight wrapped around him and the wetness of her was pushing him closer to the edge quickly. The slick sounds of his cock sliding in and out of her were driving him insane._

_He growled her name, pressing his body against hers rubbing that nub between her legs. Her eyes flew open, her lips parted and she cried out, her legs tightening around him, her sex spasming around him, and he knew that she was coming. The thought combined with the feeling of her orgasm sent him flying into space, stars exploded around him and he couldn’t breathe._

_When he pulled away and laid on his back, she curled against him throwing an arm and leg over his body, laying her head on his shoulder while his hand idly rubbed up and down her back, lulling her into sleep._

_It was definitely one of the best memories he had._

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So what, we’re supposed to get shot down while Niket saves your sister?”

“They won’t shoot, they know who I am,” Miranda hissed, tossing a glare over her shoulder.

“Yeah and those are fake bullets that you’re trying, emphasis on the trying, to dodge.”

Miranda jerked the wheel angrily, jostling the three of them.

“If they don’t shoot us down then your driving will certainly get us killed,” Nat growled from the back seat of the shuttle.

“Do you want to drive?”

“Yeah, actually I do!” Nat answered smartly, a satisfied smirk gracing her features when Miranda’s jaw clenched and a tick started in her muscles.

“Lock it down, both of you,” Sawyer intervened.

When the mercs caught sight of Miranda the leader barked something at them and they holstered their weapons.

“Told you,” Miranda said as if she knew the whole time they wouldn’t die. Nat opened her mouth to retort, but Shepard leaned around the seat and gave her a stern look so she snapped her lips closed. She had the sudden urge to stick her tongue out at him but refrained since he’d been fingering his pistol since they jumped into the shuttle.

Finally Miranda managed to land the shuttle without casualties. When the hatch opened Miranda turned to Sawyer and hissed, “You can have asked me if you could bring _her_.” He looked at her with a raised brow. He would be damned if his XO, though not by choice, questioned him on a mission.

“If you have a problem, Miranda, we can just get back in the shuttle. I’m doing this for _you_ , remember that.” She huffed and stalked off towards the guards who were some fifty feet away.

“Keelah, she’s a bosh’tet!” Sawyer snickered, ducking his head and trying to hide him smile.

“Okay, Tali.” She shrugged.

“What can I say? She’s rubbing off on me.” He refrained from the comment that she needed a good rubbin’ from Garrus but only because Tali had told him it was an extremely sore subject. He didn’t want to upset her, especially on a mission where loyalties were concerned. He motioned for her to follow him to wear Miranda was talking animatedly with the de facto leader aka XO of the little merc band.

“You kidnapped the richest guy’s little baby girl!”

“Hardly. I rescued her from that egomaniacal son of a bitch,” Miranda scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Wait – Miranda, you never gave your sisters age before. What exactly are we doing here?” Sawyer was a lot of things, but he was completely against smuggling out a little girl.

After hashing out part of Miranda’s past the merc tried getting Shepard on his side with wasn’t going to happen. At his last, failed, attempt at trying to get Shepard on his side he stepped forward, jerking the merc to him, turned him around and snapped his neck with an audible “crack” before reaching nonchalantly to his pistol, drawing it and firing it at the explosive container at the end of the storage bay. He watched in satisfaction as it fell and exploded on the unsuspecting, stupid mercs.

“Well,” Nat said after they killed the rest of the mercs who appeared out of thin air. “That escalated quickly.” Even though it looked as if she was in physical pain, Miranda had to agree nodding her head slowly.

“He was talking too much and they were irritating. C’mon, we need to get to the transport station.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

After the last enemy fell, Nat picked up a locket at looked at it. “We should find the owner of this.”

Miranda sighed, slamming her fist against the elevator door. “We don’t have time. I need to make sure Oriana is safe.”

Instantly Nat was close to her. “You self-righteous, pretentious bitch. I never said that we had to do it now. I just said that we should find the owner.”

“I don’t care about some damned asari.”

“You think that I actually care your sister? Some unknown girl?” Miranda blinked at her, clearly not expecting Nat’s response. Sawyer registered the blue glow of Miranda’s biotics one second too late.

Natalie was expecting the punch and leaned back reflexively, fury overtaking her features like a sudden black cloud appearing over the endless plains of Oklahoma. Her eyes sparked dangerously and even Miranda had the grace to look nervous before Nat’s fist collided with her perfect jaw, knocking her back on her ass.

In retrospect Sawyer should have jumped in, but he couldn’t move. He was rooted to the spot. In less than ten seconds Nat had planted her foot firmly on Miranda’s chest with her shotgun less than an inch away from her face. He made a mental note to never, ever, piss her off. Miranda’s fingers twitched towards her gun and Nat bent only slightly forward, her torso barely moving.

“You know nothing about me,” Natalie hissed, pressing the barrel of her gun against Miranda’s nose. “You might not care about others, you might not like aliens. You can look down your nose at them and think that they are below you, believe that they are less than important than humans but one thing you _have_ to remember, above all else, is that without them our technology wouldn’t have jumped as quickly as it did. Without them we would be stuck in our own solar system questioning whether or not we were alone.

“You wouldn’t exist with all of your impressive looks, biotics and strength. You would be merely an idea, a thought and a fleeting one at that. I am so sick and tired of your attitude, of your hatred, and your holier than thou “I’m better than you” bullshit. You don’t want to interact with other species then seclude yourself, somewhere far away; more power to you. You bitch, move and I will blow your head off, and moan about endangering the mission but that’s all you do with your xenophobic attitude.”

Sawyer finally found the willpower to step in, placing a hand on Nat’s shoulder. He squeezed it, to let her know that he agreed with her, but when he spoke it was firm. “That’s enough.”

Nat backed away, shrugging his hand off and marched into the elevator.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“There she is,” Miranda said, her voice wavering. Her eyes were bright and she reflexively blinked back the tears. “She’s happy and with her family.”

“You need to talk to her,” Nat spoke up from behind them. “Let her know that she has a sister that loves her.” Miranda shook her head.

“I can’t. It’ll just complicate things.”

“Miranda. Go, that’s an order. She doesn’t need to know everything, but she at least needs to know about you.” At his order she hesitated before slowly making her way to the woman who looked similar to her.

Maybe Nat’s verbal beat-down was enough to convince the biotic that she wasn’t perfect, wasn’t everything she thought she was.

Maybe, just maybe, it was good for her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope you enjoy! :-)
> 
> EDIT on July 5th, 2013: I noticed I had some inconsistencies with a previous chapter so I edited it to follow the path that I had previously chosen. The edit was about Garrus telling Nat that he only knew about Mindoir when, in fact, a previous chapter I had already stated that Garrus had comforted her, before they started dating, about Mindoir. So now, it should fit with the story.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thane is on board the Normandy and Sawyer has a heart-to-heart with his best friend.

“You still think it’s me Nassana?” Sawyer asked, crossing his arms over his chest with a smirk pulling up at the corner of his lips.

“Don’t patronize me, Shepard,” she huffed, waving her hand at him. “You find all of this incredibly ironic don’t you? I hire you to put an end to my sister, stupid bitch, and now you’re here to finish me off.”

Nat and Garrus looked up at the ceiling at the sound of movement and Sawyer shook his head at the poor asari woman. “Trust me, if I was here for you, you’d be dead. I’m not here for you; I’m here for someone else.”

“You think I’d believe – what?” she barked at her guards who moved, looking up and around. She turned her back and the assassin dropped from the vent, snapping the first guy’s neck quickly. He thrust his fist out and hit the other man in the throat to stop him from saying anything and whipped out his pistol to fire at the asari guard. As Nassana turned around he caught her, placing his pistol against her abdomen and pulled the trigger.

He laid her down on the desk, placing her arms over her chest before bending his head and clasping his hands together. Shepard stepped forward to say something, but Nat grabbed his arm. “He’s praying Sawyer, leave him be.” Garrus’ mandibles jerked when she called Shepard by his first name and the casual way she touched him, but reigned in his emotions.

He hadn’t yet approached Shepard on what he’d seen between them in the shuttle bay. He knew he had no right to be jealous, but he couldn’t help feeling a sudden surge of anger at his best friend. If Shepard wanted to pursue a relationship with Nat he could at least have the decency to tell him. If Nat had moved on then he couldn’t blame her, but he wanted to be aware and he expected that Shepard would have respected him enough, as a friend, to tell him.

Krios looked up after a few moments and eyed the three of them, his eyes resting a few seconds too long on Natalie for Garrus’ liking. He’d forgotten how difficult it had been seeing the looks, stares and outright ogles that she had received and whenever he told her she would look at him with confusion and just laugh, telling him he was seeing things. She never did understand just how beautiful she really was and his friends at C-Sec had told him that he was lucky to have a woman who was ignorant of her beauty or else he might have to worry about her.

“I was hoping to talk to you,” Sawyer said, stepping forward slightly. Krios gave a jerk of his shoulders, clasping his hands behind his back and casually walked around the desk coming to stand before Shepard.

“I figured. Why else would you cause such a commotion if you were not looking to kill her? But it had its uses. While you distracted the guards, I was able to make my way towards her with almost no hindrance.” Sawyer looked impressed by his ability to adapt to the given situation.

“Glad that I could help, but I’m here to recruit you.” Thane raised a brow at him, curiosity filling his eyes before he turned away to face the window, his eyes sliding over Natalie and Garrus.

“This was to be my last job,” he murmured quietly. Sawyer smiled a crooked smile.

“I hope not. I’m going after the Collectors and they’re taking human colonists. I need the best and you’re it.” Thane looked at him, his gaze never wavering.

“I’m dying, but it shouldn’t affect the mission.”

“It’s not uh,” Shepard coughed looking slightly uncomfortable but there was a smartass gleam in his eyes. “contagious is it?”

“Sawyer!” Nat exclaimed, her face contorting into shock. Shepard gave her a cheeky smile behind Thane’s back and Garrus looked away, squeezing his mandibles against his jaw and gritted his teeth.

“No, it’s a drell disease.” Sawyer clapped him on the shoulder.

“So, you with us?” At the drell’s nod Shepard clapped his hands together and rubbed them. “Awesome.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sawyer felt tension thick in the air on the walk back to the Normandy and looked up at his friend who avoided his eyes.  As Commander he wanted to demand that Garrus tell him what the hell his problem was, if they had a problem but as his friend he was worried about him. He saw the angry tick in his mandibles, saw the tension in his shoulders and the way he narrowed his eyes every time Nat laughed at something he or Thane said. He also seemed to be overly aggravated when Thane had fallen into step beside Natalie, tilting his head to speak with her in low tones.

Sawyer glanced over his shoulder at the two behind him. Thane seemed to be curious about the N7 insignia that both she and Shepard had engraved into their armor as well as her military background. _Hell_ , Shepard thought, _everyone is but more power to you if you can get her to talk about it._ As suspected she gave him a brief synopsis, skirting the subject of her actual job in the Alliance.

He pulled his thoughts away from the small talk behind him and once again focused his attention on Garrus, replaying the conversation he’d had with Tali who had given him insight into the relationship his Turian friend and his new infiltrator had shared once upon a time.

He already knew what Garrus had told him, from their brief discussion a few months back, and understood, partially, why he hadn’t contacted her when he was on Omega, but Nat had given more information about how things had ended. Apparently she hadn’t been quite as happy for him as Garrus tried to make Sawyer believe.

If Garrus was going to act like this every time he took both of them on a mission then they were going to have problems and he needed to nip it in the bud before it got out of hand. If Nat was as uncomfortable with the pairing she was at least better at hiding it, but they had yet to have a female hit on Garrus or give him appreciative looks either.

It wasn’t surprising that Garrus was protective of her. It was in his nature; the way he had tried to protect his men on Omega, the way he was always at Shepard’s six in a battle or the way he hovered, sometimes annoyingly so, when Sawyer tried to hack a door. Overly-protective was Garrus’ middle name.

When they reached the airlock he motioned for Thane to follow him to the briefing room only stopping to look at Garrus. “When I’m done, I want to talk to you.” He was given a curt nod and Garrus strode towards the elevator with Natalie trailing behind him, before she was bombarded by an excited looking Kelly who grabbed her arm and said, “Oh my God. You have _got_ to hear this!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Now that Thane was taken care of and situated in the life support, ironic given his current health, Sawyer made his way to the gun battery registering, with slight interest, that Thane was entering the crew’s quarters to speak with Nat. He ignored the smart-ass quips about Gardner’s new-found cooking skills and palmed the door.

As usual Garrus had his back turned towards the door and Shepard briefly wondered if he super glued himself there after every mission. He sidled around him and leaned up against the railing, raising his brow when his friend didn’t acknowledge his presence.

“What gives, man?” Garrus glanced at him his blue eyes connecting with Shepard’s own. He couldn’t read his features, something that didn’t happen often.

“What gives with what?” Sawyer clenched his jaw, biting down on the sudden anger and swallowed it. Getting angry would solve nothing, especially when Garrus had clearly been upset with him.

“Why are you so angry with me? Why do you get angry every time I talk to Nat? What was with your attitude back on Nos Astra?” Garrus sighed, turning off the console since he wasn’t going to be able to finish his calibrations until Shepard left.

“I just hoped that you respected me enough as your friend to tell me that you wanted to be with her.” Shepard blinked at him before something like a memory made its way to his eyes, his brows drawing down in confusion.

“Are you talking about what you saw in the shuttle bay?” His silence was all Sawyer needed and he laughed, but stopped at the look that Garrus gave him. “Dude, trust me. There is nothing like that between us. We’re friends.” Garrus shook his head, running and hand over the good side of face.

“Then why were you holding her so intimately? Why did you kiss her, if you’re nothing more than friends?” Garrus growled angrily, his outward calm exterior snapping and breaking as he turned away from Sawyer. When he turned around Shepard was unprepared for the pain in his friends’ eyes, the look of accusation in that scorched him. Quickly, he thought back to how it might have looked to him and inwardly groaned. He knew he should have talked to him sooner, as soon as he saw Garrus heading into the elevator, but he figured that Garrus would have just come to him and asked; shows what he knew. He raised his hands in an attempt to placate him, show him that he wasn’t there to fight and that he was sorry.

“I can see how it would have looked to you, but I swear to you Garrus that I have no feelings for her that extend beyond brotherly. I was comforting her like I used to with my sister, it was something I had seen my father do, after Jacob’s break down and the sadness she was feeling. I mean, damn man. Surely you know how I feel about Tali,” he explained in the best way he could.

“Tali? Our Tali down in engineering?” Garrus asked, his mandibles fluttering in shock, apparently caught off guard at his admittance. Shepard pursed his lips together and damned his genetics when he felt the heat rising in his cheeks.

“Yeah, but we’ll get back to that later,” he said, waving him off before giving him a leveled look. Well, as level as it could be considering Garrus was a foot taller than him and he wasn’t short himself, tending to tower over everyone at his six-foot three height. Sometimes he understood why Turians were so intimidating since even he had to raise his head slightly to look at his friend. “Garrus you’re my best friend, I think of you like a brother but I’m still your Commander. We can’t afford to have these problems with this mission. If I have to I will rotate you and Nat out between missions, but I don’t want too. We all work too well together.

“I need you to be at your best and as far as I can tell she is proving to be a distraction. You got bent out of shape with Thane and if that’s going to be another problem then I’ll have to ground you. I don’t want to bitch at you because I know what you can do in a fight, but dude. All this,” he waved his arms around in emphasis. “tension with you every time someone looks at her, smiles at her or says something to her is getting on my last nerve. I know for a fact that right now Thane is in her room and Jack has been putting the moves on your girl. You’ve either got to let her go or step up to the plate, man.”

He’d seen a lot of sides of Garrus but he’d never seen the side he presented him with next as he sunk onto the crate of ammo by his workbench, his elbows on his knees and rested his head in his hands. “Maybe I do need to let her go,” he murmured softly. “I left her on the Citadel for my own selfish needs, I didn’t bother to contact her and I could never bring myself to tell her that I loved her, still love her.”

“Why don’t you just tell her?” Sawyer asked quietly. Seeing his friend like this, in this much pain, was not easy for him.

“I can’t. If she knew what I did, everything I did on Omega, she would hate me.”

“If you think that then you’re dumber than I thought.” Garrus looked up at him with confusion and he sighed. “Garrus, she loves you. I can see it when she looks at you. I don’t think anything you ever did could make her hate you. Think on it.” He stood up and walked to the door, turning to look at him as the door opened. “And just so you know, we’re going to the Citadel to deal with Sidonis.”

He needed Garrus at his best and he had a sneaking suspicion that if he helped him deal with the traitor who sold him out he would finally make a move on his girl. Garrus looked at him with a stunned expression and as he turned away, he smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Thane has finally arrived. I hope that over the next few chapters you won't hate me with the new love triangle! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, as always my lovelies! :-)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus' loyalty mission with a different take since Natalie is involved. Shepard gets to see Nat and Garrus in "their zone".

Due to TIM’s orders to head to a deserted, which turned out to not be so deserted, Collector ship they had been delayed to the Citadel by almost a week and after the horrors they had encountered he felt that the crew deserved some shore leave and where else was a better shore leave than Omega? He was still angry at TIM for lying to him, setting him up and almost getting him killed. Again.

As they approached Bailey they overheard him telling one of his officers that it was okay to make him scream a little.

“C-Sec _has_ changed,” Garrus said behind him.

“For the record I did tell you things were changing,” Nat retorted, anger and bitterness laced in her words. Garrus jerked and looked at her, his eyes regarding her with curiosity as to why she was angry. Bailey looked up, his face splitting into a grin.

“Natalie Evans! You sure are a sight for sore eyes, young lady. You know I’m still hurt that you left me to deal with these hooligans by myself,” he teased. At this Nat gave him a small smile.

“It looks like you’ve kept the peace fairly well. Besides, the partner you assigned me was about as intelligent as a grain of salt.” He laughed and shook his head.

“Yeah, I booted him to the curb not long after you left. He was pretty useless. Anyway, what can I do for you?” He looked at Shepard who motioned to Garrus.

“Know anything about a man named Fade?” Bailey’s brows creased.

“Not as much as I like. Don’t actually know his identity, but I think he might have been C-Sec at some point with the way he operates and can get into the system. That’s about as much as I can tell you. She probably has more information than I do,” he pointed at Nat. He sighed and looked at her wistfully. “Sure I can’t convince you to come back? I sure could use your, ah,” he glanced at Shepard and Garrus. “talents, you know.” She gave him another bright smile but shook her head, ignoring the curious looks from Sawyer and Garrus.

“No, sorry Captain. I’ve got enough on my plate right now dealing with this mission and other things. But surely you have my contact information. You know I’d be willing to put my talents to use,” she smiled.

“In that case, do you mind if I borrow your soldier here for a moment Shepard?” Bailey stood and walked around the edge of his desk, waiting for Sawyer to give him an answer.

“Uh, I guess. We have to get to the warehouse so… it can’t wait?” Bailey shook his head and placed his hand on Nat’s shoulder, steering her away to a door. The guards flared their mandibles at her and pulled her into separate hugs, obviously happy to see her.   

When the six of them disappeared Sawyer turned to Garrus, his brows drawn down into a crease. “What exactly did she do in C-Sec?” Garrus was eyeing the door, his brow plates shifting slightly as his mandibles pulled close to his jaw.

“We were investigators. After I left, I don’t know what she did, but that,” he pointed to the doors. “that’s the Citadel archives. My clearance, which was high before I left, couldn’t even get me in there. If she can get into the archives then she was appointed by the Council and was probably working with them.”

“What’s in there?”

“Top secret, highly classified information. Anything you’ve ever wondered about is through those doors.”

“And she has clearance to all of that information.”

They shared a look, both wondering similar things about the woman they knew, the woman Garrus loved, but it all led to the same central question.

Who the hell was Natalie Evans?

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Harkin,” Nat spoke up next to Garrus who was piloting the shuttle to Sidonis’ location. “He’s still causing trouble. I thought we dealt with him.”

“So did I, but he’s always been a bloody menace. Always able to worm his way out of anything, son of bitch.”

Shepard sat in the back, watching them. Sometimes, Shepard had a hard time picturing the two of them ever dating, being intimate or even living together. Garrus was awkward, she was sure. He was hot-headed, she was thoughtful. He was impatient, she was patient.

Now, however, as Garrus drove and Nat sat next to him, both almost forgetting that Sawyer was still with them they seemed comfortable with each other, their arms touching on the armrest and the way they spoke, like no time had passed, was endearing.

“You were harsh back there dealing with him.” Garrus sighed and looked at her.

“You don’t think he deserved it, do you?” She shifted in her seat, brushing her hair over her shoulder and huffed.

“I just-you know how I feel about that. I’m not saying that he doesn’t deserve it, but you should have let C-Sec deal with him.”

“I didn’t shoot him, Natalie. Spirits, we tried to nail the bastard and even we weren’t able to keep him locked up. What makes you think anyone else could either?”

“No, but you were going to Garry,” she said, neither realizing that she had used his nickname and turned her torso to look at him. Shepard gave her a funny look. Garry? Oh, there was no way in hell that Sawyer would let that one go. “I’m worried about you. This isn’t the man I know. I mean, what are you planning to do with Sidonis? Kill him?”

“I’m still me, I just see things differently now. Sidonis betrayed me, betrayed my men. How is it fair that he gets to go on living while my men, ten good men, lie in unmarked graves?”

“I’ll admit, it’s not fair, but I don’t think killing Sidonis will help.” As the shuttle landed, Garrus leaned his head back, turning to look at her.

“What do you want from me Natty? What would you do if someone betrayed _you_?” She looked at him for a long moment and Sawyer looked away; there were so many emotions in both of their eyes. It was a tender moment between them and he felt like he was intruding. Hesitantly she took his hand, running her thumb across his. He gripped her hand, sighed and returned the gesture.

“I’ve been betrayed and I didn’t let it change me, let it fester inside of me like you’re doing. I wanted to kill the one responsible, I still do but I won’t. I won’t because it can’t change the past. What happened, happened and it sucks, but in killing him then you’re doing the same thing he did to you. In the end, it won’t make you any different than him. You don’t have to do this; we can take the shuttle and go home to the Normandy.”

“Who will bring him to justice then if I don’t, Natty? Nobody else knows what he did, nobody else cares. I don’t see any other option.”

“I know, I care. Shepard knows, he cares. The entire crew knows and they care. The wives and children of the men you lost know and they care. You contact Bailey, tell him everything and he’ll do something about it.” They were quiet for a moment and Sawyer looked at them again. Her one hand was tangled in Garrus’ and her other hand was placed over her heart.

“I need to set up. Signal me when you’re ready Shepard,” Garrus said, opening the shuttle and pulling away from Nat even though it looked physically painful for him. As the hatch closed and Shepard situated himself in the driver’s seat Nat looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Sawyer, for his sake don’t let him do this. Stay in his sights and talk to Sidonis, make Garrus listen. If he kills him then,” her voice broke. “then I’ve lost the man I love.”

“Already ahead of you, Nat.” She gave him a grateful smile and hoped that Garrus would forgive them.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Shepard waved Sidonis over, stepping into Garrus’ line of sight but Sidonis stopped short when he saw Natalie. He looked up and around as if searching for something but when he didn’t see what he was looking for he stepped forward cautiously, eyeing Nat.

“I know you,” he said when he was a foot away from them, pointing a finger at her.

 _Shit_ , Garrus hissed over the com. He’d forgotten that his team had found his holo of her lying on a table. Natalie made a face at him and shared a confused look with Shepard.

“To my knowledge we’ve never met.”

“Where is he? I know he’s around here somewhere.” Sidonis growled, moving to stand in front of her quickly and instantly Garrus made a growling sound over the com as Shepard had his shotgun out and trained on Sidonis, his body glowing with his biotics and stepped close to her, still keeping Sidonis out of Garrus’ sights. “Where is Garrus?”

“How do you know we’re with Garrus? How do you even know me?”

“Your holo, the one he has of you,” he said impatiently. I’d recognize your face a million miles away. He had it propped up on his bedside table, so where is he?” Her face softened, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. Now was not the time for her get girly on him, Shepard thought.

 _Move Shepard so I can take the shot_.

Sidonis moved and Sawyer jerked him back, “I’m the only thing standing between you and a bullet between your eyes; so for your sake, don’t move.”

“Fuck.”

“We’re here to help you Sidonis. Garrus he-he wants revenge for what you did to your team,” Nat said, placing her hand on Sidonis’ arm to hopefully calm him. It worked. Sidonis sighed and shook his head, looking at her.

“I didn’t want to do it, but I had no other choice.”

_Everyone has a choice, bastard._

“What happened, Lantar? How could you do that to your friends?” He rubbed his face, a haunted look in his eyes.

“They got to me, took me to their base. They said they’d kill me if I didn’t. What was I supposed to do?”

_Let me take the shot Shepard, he’s a damn coward._

“But you went back to them, back to your base. You could have told him, warned them, something. Anything would have been better than what you did.”

“I know what I did,” he said, walking towards the railing with Shepard still blocking Garrus. “I know they died because of me and I have to live with that. I saved Garrus, I couldn’t let them kill him. Besides, I had a feeling you’d hunt me down if anything happened to him. Every night I wake up sick and sweating, each of their faces staring at me, accusing me. I’m already a dead man. I don’t eat. Don’t sleep. Some days I just want it to over. Maybe he does need to kill me.” 

_Just give me the chance._

“Look at him Garrus,” Nat cried, turning to look up at him, her eyes meeting his in the scope much like how Thane said he met his wife. “He is already paying for what he did. This is justice enough; you need to let it go.”

_He hasn’t paid enough Natty. He still has his life._

“What he’s going through isn’t living. There is nothing left for you to do. He has to live with the fact that he killed them, his friends and well, his family.”

_My men deserved better._

“Tell Garrus… I don’t know what to say to make it right, there’s nothing I can say.” Garrus was silent for a few moments.

_Just… go. Tell him to go._

“He’s giving you a second chance, Sidonis. Don’t waste it,” Shepard said, looking at the broken man in front of him.

“I’ll try Garrus,” he said, pushing away from the railing. “I’ll make it up to you somehow. Thank you, for talking to him Natalie.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Garrus was upset, but the more he thought about it maybe Shepard and Natalie had been right. He didn’t know what to do with grey and he’d told Shepard as much. Black and white, that was easier. Good or bad. Love or hate. Finding some middle ground had never been his forte and maybe it was his downfall.

On the way back Nat looked at Shepard, peeking around her seat. “Do you mind if I catch up to you on the Normandy?”

“I guess not, we can start our pre-flight checks. Why? What’s up?”

“I need to stop by our apartment. There are just a few things I need to grab,” she said, wringing her hands in her lap. Shepard almost pointed out that she had used the term “our” instead of “my” but refrained.

“Oh, well I can tag along if you want.” She shrugged, as if the thought hadn’t even occurred to her. He was curious about the Vakarian-Evan’s love nest.

Garrus turned the shuttle back around and took off towards, Sawyer presumed, where their apartment was located. They got out and walked into the building, Garrus and Natalie strolling on ahead of him. They reached the fifth floor and headed to the second door on the left. Garrus went to unlock the door but stopped, eyeing the lock and glanced at her, his brow plate coming down.

“You changed the locks?” She blushed and nodded.

“When I got promoted at C-Sec, after you left, it was a necessary precaution. It’s password protected,” she said, stepping forward and tapped on it. Garrus watched her fingers and when he realized what the password was, he looked down at her his eyes softening.

“My name is your password?” Sawyer had never expected to hear that kind of tone from his large, Turian friend. It was so soft, so tender and so full of love that Shepard wanted to tell them that he’d meet them back on the Normandy but he just stood there, the third wheel and wondered if that was how Garrus had felt around him and Ash.

She blushed again, her hands fumbling over the keypad. “Yeah, I figured that when you came back from Omega it’d be easy for you to remember.”

Watching them was like watching a chick-flick. The way they spoke to each other, the look of absolute love they gave each other and the small hesitant touches they shared was something that Sawyer could only hope that he might have with someone, but if he knew Garrus then it was still going to be awhile before he finally made his official move. Now would be the perfect time to tell her, but Shepard couldn’t say anything with her standing there. Damn this was an awkward feeling for him.

The door opened and they stepped in. It was smaller than Shepard had pictured. The kitchen, dining and living room were one big open space and down the small hall there were two doors. One, he assumed, led to the bedroom and the other was probably a bathroom.

Looking over the arrangement of furniture, the decorations and other items that graced it, it spelled Natalie and Garrus. It was clean, organized and they had blended Turian and human art that fit together well.

“Make yourself at home Shepard,” Garrus said, setting his helmet and rifle on the table. Natalie did the same, placing hers directly next to his and it felt like a natural rhythm they had set together. “You always lay it crooked.” She rolled her eyes.

“Whatever. Anyway, I’ve got some of your things in the bedroom that you left here. I boxed them up for you so I wouldn’t lose them, you know how I am.”

“What did you call yourself? A pack-rodent?”

“Pack-rat, Garry. You’re really bad at human terms,” she laughed, walking down the hall with Garrus following close behind her, dipping his head to say something to her and she fell into a fit of giggles, glancing up and over her shoulder at him, eyes bright with happiness that Shepard hadn’t seen in her since they first picked her up.

Shepard dropped onto the couch, listening to their voices that floated down the hall and shook his head. How he had never been able to picture the two of them together was beyond him. Now that he watched them fall into their routine, talk, laugh and tease each other it was as if they were meant for one another.

He heard some shuffling sounds, like Garrus was moving things around in a box. “Whoops, that’s mine,” Nat said.

“Wait, you kept those?” There were a few moments of silence.

“Of course I did, you gave them to me. I still wear them.”

“Do you know why I gave those to you?” Garrus asked, his deep voice drifting down the hall. “I gave them to you so that when you wore them in your hair you and I matched.” That was certainly more than Shepard thought Garrus would reveal. There was more silence before Nat spoke, her voice hoarse and quiet.

“What are we doing, Garrus? You left me.” There was some rustling and a heavy sigh.

“I know. I’m sorry, I really am Natty.” The bed creaked and Sawyer pictured Nat sitting down, playing with her fingers.

“I can’t do this with you,” she finally said, her voice breaking. “Being with you like this, it-it hurts. Don’t, please don’t touch me.” Shepard got up, pushing himself to his feet and made his way to the door. His curiosity had gotten the better of him, not to mention Tali would kill him if he didn’t tell her every detail, and peeked inside.

Garrus was kneeling in front of her, his one hand tangling in her hair and the other was stroking the side of her cheek. From the side, he saw her tears, the way her face crumbled with his touch and she lurched forward, throwing her arms around his neck. He gathered her to him, running his hand down her back.

“I just need time, Natalie.” She pulled back and he cupped her face, his thumbs wiping her tears away, his eyes never leaving hers. She leaned forward, hesitantly, before pressing her mouth against his, sighing when he kissed her back. After a few minutes she pulled back.

“How much time, Garry?”

He shook his head, his hands falling away from her face.

“I don’t know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes. I did it. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me! 
> 
> I needed to add fluff, happiness and love then take it all away. A love square will ensue soon; lots of angst is in the future of Garrus/Nat/Thane/Jack. I just hope that you continue to enjoy this story with all of the angsty bits to follow. 
> 
> And no. I have not forgotten about Tali/Shepard. We will be seeing a LOT more of them and their budding romance to come. :-) 
> 
> I have to dedicate this chapter to KabiViolet; she's been an amazing cheerleader and I know how much she was looking forward to this. :-) 
> 
> Just for the record I will be out of town starting on Wednesday (the 10th) until the 18th so there will be no updates. But as soon as I get back I plan on going into a writing frenzy! However, I hope to update at least once again before I leave.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordin's loyalty with a different take. Nat and Garrus share some time together.

Despite all of Mordin’s attempts at denying the fact that he regretted his work on the genophage, Sawyer knew better. The way he got angry over the death of the krogan female, the tone of his voice when he spoke about his yearly recon missions to make sure the alterations were working was enough to betray his words.

Mordin was a doctor through and through. He wanted to help people, his work on Omega was evidence enough, and his words were laced with despair every time he mentioned the deaths of the krogan babies. At the time he thought he was doing the right thing, but after seeing all the still-births, the children who would never grow and live, it ate him and Sawyer knew.

Now though, Mordin was angry, hurt and felt betrayed by his student Maelon. Maelon had been working on his own and had not been forced into trying to cure the genophage as Mordin thought. Mordin was, as was Sawyer, Nat and Garrus, disgusted by his experiments. They were sloppy, brutal and lead to unnecessary death.

“Experiments performed here. Live subjects! Prisoners! Torture and executions. Your doing?” Sawyer had never heard him that upset before but Mordin needed a wakeup call and if this was the only way then so be it.

“We’ve already got the blood of millions on our hands, Doctor! If it takes a bit more to make this right, then I’m fine with that!”

“Wait. You really believe that what you did here is justified? Are you crazy?” Nat exclaimed from behind them, her eyes wide with horror. Maelon looked at her.

“We committed cultural genocide. Nothing I do will ever be justified.”

“So that makes it right? I should shoot you right now,” she growled, her hand sliding to her shotgun.

“The experiments are monstrous because… I was taught to be a monster!”

“Mordin – did you ever do this when you were working on the genophage modification?” He shook his head, his large eyes alight with anger.

“No,” he said, turning his gaze back to Maelon. “Never taught you this Maelon.”

“So your hands are clean, but what does it matter if the ground is stained with the blood of millions? You are the one who taught me that the end justified the means. I will undo what we did, Professor. The only way I know how.”

“You’re just adding to it, you stupid bug-eyed moron! You talk about all the blood that was shed, but you’re no better with your experiments. Krogan life is precious already and what little life they have you are taking it away from them!”  

Both Maelon and Sawyer ignored her outburst, but Garrus placed his hand on her arm. “Natty,” he whispered. She shook him off and looked up at him, her eyes flashing in anger.

 “We’re shutting your lab down, Maelon.”

“Shutting down more than that,” Mordin said angrily. Instantly Maelon pulled out a pistol and pointed it at them.

“You can’t face the truth can you? Can’t admit that your brilliant mind led you to commit an atrocity.” Mordin reached out and hit him, making Maelon stumble back and drop his weapon. Mordin pulled out his pistol and placed it against the salarian’s temple.

“Unacceptable experiments. Unacceptable goals. Won’t change. No choice. Have to kill you.”

“Wait. You don’t have to do this, Mordin. You’re not a murderer.” Mordin paused, quickly thinking over Sawyer’s words.

He inhaled and stepped back. “No. Not a murderer. Thank you, Shepard.” He holstered his pistol and looked at Maelon. “Finished Maeolon. Get out. No more Weyrlok left. Project over.”

“What am I supposed to do now?”

“Don’t know. Open another clinic on Omega. Could always use more.”

Maelon stepped around them, heading to the door with his head hanging as a shot rang out. His body fell to the floor, lifeless. Nat stood there, her shotgun out and smoking. Her eyes were bright with fury, her face lined with an emotion that Sawyer couldn’t describe.

Sawyer stared at her, his mouth hanging open. Mordin looked at Maelon before looking at Natalie, shrugging. “Had it coming.”

“You should save the data Mordin. It could come in handy later,” Sawyer said, motioning to the computer behind him as he tried to wrap his head around what just happened.

Despite the fact that he should be furious and he wasn’t, which was something he’d think about later, the same question came to him as it had many time.

Who the hell was Natalie Evans?

 

 

* * *

 

 

Garrus palmed the door to the crew’s quarters, knowing that Natalie would be alone so he could talk to her, but when it opened he stopped taking in the sight before him. She was lying on her stomach, her face buried in her pillow and her body was shaking.

“I killed him,” she sobbed, her shoulders jerking. Thane was sitting next to her, his hand alternating between caressing her back and stroking her hair. Fury flamed in his chest. Comforting her was _his_ job. Seeing Thane touch her that way made him want to rip his hands off and shove them down his throat.

“Siha, it’s not your fault. What he was doing was wrong and it was only a matter of time before he began doing it again. Your body reacted. Don’t shed tears over him, Natty.”

 _Natty_? That was _his_ nickname and he didn’t recall ever giving the assassin the okay to use it.

She turned over, her back to him just as Thane’s was, and looked at him. “That’s easy for you to say, but I always make the decision on what to do with my body. I’m not just a vessel the way you believe.”

He watched, unable to move from his spot, as Thane’s hand tucked her hair behind her ear before trailing his fingers over her cheek, cupping it and running his thumb over her cheek. She leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering closed and her hand came up to cover his. He slid his hand into her thick waves, cradling the back of her head and gently urged her forward.

“Siha,” he murmured as he tilted her face upwards slightly, his other hand coming to rest on her cheek before he pressed his lips against hers. His fingers trailed down her neck gently, tracing the curve of her jaw, the soft sweeping of her throat and the smooth skin of her collar bone.

She leaned into him, her mouth parting under Thane’s. Garrus tried to look away when Thane’s tongue ran over her tongue, but he was transfixed. He was angry. He was hurt. He felt betrayed, but seeing her reaction to Thane’s hand on her waist was the breaking point.

He cleared his throat and they jumped apart instantly. Thane’s eyes met his in a challenge and it took every ounce of self control for Garrus to not rip him from the bed and beat him into a bloody pulp. When Garrus didn’t move Thane excused himself, bumping his shoulder against Garrus’ as he left the room.

When the assassin was gone Garrus locked the door, encrypting it in the way that Nat had taught him before heading towards her. Her eyes, such a beautiful green, gazed at him. As usual her eyes were unreadable. He sat down next to her as she pushed herself up into a sitting position.

He had originally come to talk to her about what happened on Tuchanka but now he had a different reason. He lifted his hand to her cheek, sliding his hand into her hair. His gaze held hers as he bent his head, his lips an inch away from hers.

It was a game they had played on more than one occasion. He would look into her eyes, keeping his lips as close to hers as he could and they would wait to see who would break first. Her breath sped up, her hand sliding up his arm and twisted her fingers under his armor.

“Garrus…” she murmured. Already her face was flushed, her breathing was erratic and his visor picked up in the increase in her heat rate. Inwardly he smirked. _Take that, Krios._

She broke first, leaning in to him and placed her lips on his. He kissed her back, sliding his tongue over her silky lips and moaned quietly when her mouth parted beneath his. His hand tangled in her hair, angling her head against his and he drank her in.

The kiss they shared on the Citadel a few weeks ago was nothing compared to this. Her arms slid around his neck, pressing her body against his armored one, and she dug her nails into the spot beneath his fringe. He grunted in pleasure, his free hand gripping her waist tightly.

At some point their position changed and she was beneath him. His teeth nipped at her throat hungrily, groaning when she moaned and lifted her hips against his. Somehow his armor was tossed across the room with his under armor and her clothes. His erection was pressing against the bed, her legs were spread and her scent was filling his nostrils.

She moaned when his fingers found her clit, her teeth pulling her lower lip into her mouth and biting on it as her head fell back against the pillow. It had been so long for both of them. He had almost forgotten what it was like to taste her, to feel her and watch as the blush spread from her cheeks and down her body.

“Please, Garry. I want y-you,” she gasped when his talon traced over her entrance. He captured her begging lips with his, his tongue dancing with hers as he slid into her warmth.

She was just as tight as she had been the last time they had been together; the night before he left for Omega. His forehead fell against hers as her body contracted around him, his hand gripped her hip and he pulled her leg up, hooking it over his jutting hip.

He pulled out of her, using his hand to guide the head of cock over her lips and clit before sliding back inside of her, whispering her name when he hit the back of her earning a loud, husky moan from her parted lips.

Slowly they fell into a rhythm, his hips slamming into hers as she rubbed herself against him. He dipped his head to swirl his tongue over her nipples, squeezing his eyes tight against the orgasm that was building inside of him when her legs encircled his waist and her fingers dug into the flesh in-between the plates on his back.

He rubbed her nub, coaxing her, as his tongue laved the spot beneath her ear. A deep, throaty cry escaped her throat with his name on her lips like a prayer when she came, her muscles spasming around him. Her orgasm sent him over the edge and he caught her lips, sliding his tongue in her mouth as he came inside of her, groaning out his orgasm, pressing his hips against hers until he was spent.

They laid there for a moment, tangled and sweaty until their heartbeats slowed. He pulled out and she turned onto her side, letting him lay next to her with his chest pressed against her back. When her breathing slowed and her body relaxed he pulled away covering her. He folded her clothes and laid them on the floor next to her after he got dressed.

As he made his way back to the gun battery there was a question in the back of his mind.

What had he just done? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I have to say is: Please don't hate me in the coming chapters...
> 
> EDIT on 7-21-13: Due to the fact that my husband and I have decided to separate and file for divorce, I do not know when I'll be able to update. I will update in between work and other things, but just know it will be sporadic.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawyer and Garrus get into a fight.

After they picked up Samara, which had been simple enough, Sawyer had found himself making his way towards the gun battery. He wasn’t sure what had happened between Garrus and Nat, but the mission had been tense and awkward. Tali refused to give him any information and earlier that morning when he had told Nat she was on the mission her eyes had been red-rimmed, her nose stuffy and it looked like she had been crying and Jack had been consoling her; that right there was enough to tell Sawyer that something was wrong.

He had asked what was wrong but she brushed it off, turning her head to wipe at her face for a brief moment and said, “It won’t affect the mission. When I’m on the battlefield I am focused.” When Nat had looked away Jack jerked her thumb in the direction of the gun battery. Thane had also acted suspiciously when he had talked to him, fidgeting in his seat and ending their conversation quickly.

The door opened and he stepped in, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned his hip against the railing. “Wanna tell me what’s up with you and Nat?” Garrus flicked his mandibles but that was the only response he got and it made him angry. “I swear to God, Garrus. If you have fucked with her I will rip off your mandible and make you eat it.”

Garrus sighed and rubbed the good side of his face. “I made a mistake.” Sawyer clenched his jaw tightly, a muscle ticking quickly and he looked at his friend for a good long moment.

“I figured as much since she was fucking crying this morning. What the hell did you do? You do realize that if she’s not at her best this entire mission could fall to pieces, right?” Garrus shot him a scathing look.

“I’m well aware of the mission,” he ground out through gritted teeth before he relaxed. He turned and sat down on the boxes near his workstation, dropping his head into his hands. “I don’t know what I was thinking by sleeping with her. I just-I saw Thane with her and I got so damn _angry_ ,” he growled, slamming his hand down on the box which created a visible dent the size of his fist. “Who the hell is he, a _drell_ , to try and take my place?”

Sawyer should have felt sympathy for his friend, but he didn’t have it in him. He was there when Garrus told her that he wanted her to wait which was more than just unfair. He had come to care about Natalie as a little sister and it pissed him off that Garrus was toying with her and it seemed that Garrus had had sex with her for his own selfish reasons. “You have no right to be angry about who she chooses to be with,” he retorted. “You told her you needed time but not once did you ever say that you wanted to be with her. For fuck’s sake Garrus she doesn’t even think you care about her! She thinks that you were only with her because you couldn’t get any other pussy on the Citadel! I wanna toss you out an airlock right now. You need to stay away from her. _That_ is an order.”

Garrus looked at him, his eyes burning with barely contained fury and Sawyer matched his gaze.

_You’re being too harsh on him._

He used her because he wanted to prove a point. 

_I understand that, but Jesus. He clearly loves her._

Then he needs to fucking act like it. 

“Wait. She thinks that I was only with her for that reason?” His mandibles fell, his face loosened. He stared down at the floor, his mouth open and his shoulders lost their tense state, slumping. “She never knew. I tried to show her… that’s m-my fault.” He swallowed and looked at Shepard, his eyes full of pain. “She told you that?”

_Sometimes things need to be said before you jump to conclusions, Sawyer._

I still stand firm in what I said. He could see her rolling her eyes and shaking her head, but he chose to ignore it.

He was angry still, but seeing his friend in that much pain softened him a little. A little. He still wanted to toss him out an airlock, but for now he would refrain. He sighed and popped his neck. “She told Tali, not me but look. If you aren’t going to be what she needs then you need to stay away from her.”

“You don’t understand. I never felt more alive than when I was with her. When I left it was the most difficult thing I had ever done. Going with you was different but imagine that you’re leaving the woman you love behind –imagine it was Tali – for your own selfish reasons. How do I fix that? If she doesn’t believe that I loved her then how can I make her understand that I love her now and always have, always will? I know that sleeping with her was a mistake but I had to make it clear that I am the only one who can make her feel the way she did, dammit!”

“That doesn’t give you the right to hurt her! You don’t get it, do you? Everything you’re doing is just pushing her farther and farther away from you and into Thane or Jack’s arms. You have to show her that you love her. One nighting her then not talking to her isn’t going to prove that, but I won’t budge on this. Until you can pull your head from your ass stay the hell away from her or we’ll have some serious fucking problems.” Again Garrus looked at him angrily, his mandibles pulled tight against his face and a dark scowl settled over his face.

“What I choose to do, Shepard, is not something you can dictate to me,” he growled, his voice rumbling out of his chest and through the room. Sawyer raised a brow at him, his eyes narrowing and he pushed away from the railing.

“Don’t test me, Vakarian.” Garrus stood up, bringing himself to his full height and looked down at Sawyer with barely contained fury sparking in his eyes. Again, Shepard was aware of how intimidating turians could be but he’d be damned if he backed down from Garrus.

_Sawyer don’t –_

But it was too late. Before he had time to register what he was doing his fist connected with the good side of Garrus’ face, forcing him to stumble back at the unexpected blow and his back hit the wall with a loud “bang”.

Garrus’ hand flew to his face, shock registering over his plated features. He shook his head, shaking off the blow with a snarl ripping from his chest. “You son of a bitch,” he snapped, bring his fist back and clocking Sawyer under his jaw. His teeth snapped together painfully, as the pain exploded on the side of his face like a supernova; white hot and it left him seeing small white stars.

Garrus lunged at him, but he ducked beneath his arm. Garrus was tall, taller than him by a foot and he was smaller in build so it was easy to maneuver around him, but he was caught off guard when Garrus swung around quickly, slamming his body up against the door.

It opened and Sawyer felt himself falling and skidding on the ground. Before he could get up off the ground Garrus was jerking him up but the collar of his shirt, his fist pulling back to land another punch but Sawyer brought his knee up and connected it with Garrus’ unprotected manhood. Granted, it was still protected by plating but they weren’t nearly as hard as the rest of him. Luckily he wasn’t wearing his armor or Shepard would have had a broken knee.

Garrus grunted in pain, his hold on Sawyer’s shirt dropped as he bent over which left him exposed to Shepard’s fist. Garrus stumbled back, another snarl snapping out of him and he reached for Shepard, pinning his arms to his side with his much larger and stronger one, his talons digging in Sawyer’s skin painfully as they pierced his skin and when Garrus head butted him Sawyer could have sworn that his implant had gotten loose.

“Motherfucker,” he gritted out against the blinding pain. It was dirty move, he knew, but he couldn’t care less. His body glowed with the blue hue of his biotics and Garrus was off of him, his body flying upwards, colliding with the ceiling before snapping back down to the floor. As he stood, groaning in pain Shepard charged at him, his body slamming into the turians and pushing them down the stairs, slamming into the tables of the mess. He wasn’t expecting for Garrus to be ready for it though.

As soon as his body hit his friends, Garrus sunk his talons into his side as Sawyer hit him in the face with his biotics. “What the hell is going on?” Nat‘s voice rang out, halting their fight in an instant.

Both Sawyer and Garrus were covered in blood that belonged to each of them. Sawyer’s nose was bleeding as well as his lips and side. At some point during the fight Garrus’ bandage had come off and his wound was bleeding like a stuck pig and his back was bleeding (presumably from when Sawyer had slammed him). They both opened their mouths to speak, but at seeing the absolute fury radiating from the woman they snapped their jaws closed.

“You,” she snapped at Sawyer, her eyes dancing and crackling. At her tone he tried to stand up straighter, but that was difficult. “You are supposed to be the commanding officer aboard this frigate and here you are fighting with your crewmate knowing full well what is at stake if we fail.” Her eyes slid to Garrus who had the decency to look ashamed. “And you. You’re no better than he is.”

“We were just--”

“I don’t care what you were doing or who started it. You need to lock it down; both of you! Your behavior is unacceptable! I don’t want excuses. I want you, both of you, to shape up and start acting like soldiers. Do you think that fighting is going to help get the crew in gear to fight the Collectors?  You, especially you Sawyer, have to show the crew that you are strong and capable. Fistfights aboard the Normandy will _not_ help morale. You’re dismissed. Go see Chakwas, get those wounds looked at and I am confining both of you to your respected quarters.” When they didn’t move, she cocked a brow at them and rested her hands on her hips. “Move it!” she barked and they jumped, visibly, before shuffling off to the med-bay, both of their prides were stung at her verbal assault but neither of them dared utter a word for fear that she might hurt them both physically and they knew what she was capable of.

When the door shut behind them she threw her hands up in the air, “Men! No matter the species or race they always remain the same.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tali faced cupcakes shall be awarded to anyone who finds the Halo: Reach reference! :-D


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we finally learn more about Natalie.

She sat down at a table in the mess with her portable console. It was late so naturally everyone was asleep and she was fairly certain that she wouldn’t be disturbed. It had dawned on her, while they had been on the Collector ship, that in case she died on this mission she wanted to record her life from the time she left Mindoir up until now. She powered the console on, opened her document manager and laid her fingers against the keys.

_My name is Natalie Evans and I was born October 8 th, 2154; six months after Commander Shepard. I, like him, was born and raised on the human colony of Mindoir. _

_When I was 15, Batarians raided the colony. They killed, raped and took as many people as they could. Those that were captured were turned into slaves, brainwashed and was forced to be subjected to an implant insertion that made them docile, obedient and non-resistive. Those that survived, like myself, were taken by the Alliance to Earth and were separated out to different parts of the world._

_I was sent to the state of Georgia and six months later (on my sixteenth birthday) I lied about my age and enlisted in the United States Army. I rose in rank quickly, was deployed once to Afghanistan to infiltrate a secure facility, take it under US control and free the biotics that they had captured. The mission was a success, despite a few casualties. We lost Myers, Johnston, Smith and Miller. They were, posthumously, awarded purple hearts for their bravery._

_In 2172 I was discharged from the Army and joined the Alliance per my request. My company Commander was, understandably, upset that I wanted to leave, but I felt it was pertinent. I went to Arcturus where I went to school and graduated with honors. I came out as a 2 nd Lieutenant. In 2176 I was on Elysium for shore leave when it was attacked by Batarians. I rallied a group of soldiers and civilians and together we repelled the attack. For my bravery I was promoted to Commander, awarded the Star of Terra and was assigned on the SSV Washington. _

She paused, lightly tapping her fingers on the keys, trying to decide how she wanted to continue.  She decided that if she died, it was better to get everything off her chest. The Alliance and Council could decide what they wanted public knowledge.

_The SSV Washington is a stealth class frigate designed for infiltration and espionage procedures. I am an infiltrator and the Alliance believed that I could better my skills while aboard the Washington. They were correct. I honed my skills and learned that I have a talent for hacking, decrypting and infiltrating a network. I discovered, while out on a mission groundside, that the Batarians were planning to attack Eden Prime and with my intel the Alliance was able to stop it before it began._

_Early on the Alliance noticed my skills and requested my attendance to HQ in Vancouver where I was to meet Admiral Hackett. He wanted me transferred to the fifth fleet and to work for him directly which is why my file is highly classified and you cannot find any record of my operations while being part of the fifth fleet._

_I was sent out on mission after mission and each time it was a success. My most notable mission, however, was when I was sent to a small colony in the terminus systems with a small team. I was to find any information of the so called Leviathan that the Batarians had discovered and what I found was beyond anything that you, I or anyone else could imagine. This creature turned out to be a Reaper that they, the Batarians, had discovered in 2163 in a crater on Jartar._

_The biggest question about this was: how did the Batarians manage move it without the Council noticing their activity? The answer was obscure, but hardly difficult to find given my expertise. The Council did know, but brushed it off as nothing, not wanting to believe that there were organic based synthetics out in dark space, past the borders of our seemingly infinite galaxy. You might find this angering, but what would you have done? Imagine that you are faced with the knowledge that there is something out there, something large that could wipe out your entire civilization (as they did to the Protheans and countless others before them), and you are the only ones who can possibly do something about it. Ignorance is bliss or so the saying goes._

_I reported back to Hackett with my findings. As always he was silent, his face giving away nothing (a trait that I learned from him as he was essentially my mentor, a father figure so to speak) as he clasped his hands together behind his back. He asked me if my information was accurate and that I was one hundred percent positive that there were no flaws in my decryptions of the data. I was positive and slightly offended that he had even bothered to ask me that. After a few moments he decided that I was going to Kar’Shan. Alone._

She sighed, leaning back in her chair and tilted her head to pop the bones in her neck, rolled her shoulders to relieve the slight ache that was building due to an old injury she had sustained. She slid her fingers together and pushed her arms out, the backs of her hands facing her, cracking her knuckles. She had never spoken about her time in the Alliance or her work with the Council before due to strict orders, but if she were to die it was better to get it out there than keep it in. She took a sip of her ice water before laying her hands back on the console.

_Kar’Shan is the Batarian home world and the data that I had, said they had moved the Reaper there, to a highly secured facility, guards posted at every entrance and exit with weapons that could, potentially, kill me instantly. My orders from Hackett and Alliance HQs (including but not limited to: Vancouver, Washington, London, Moscow, Paris, Berlin, Tokyo and Beijing) were to infiltrate the facility, get the data and get out. It sounds simple, but it always does. Doesn’t it?_

_The Batarians are a suspicious people by nature and perhaps that is because of how they are treated. They are treated with suspicion; they are looked down upon and grouped with Vorcha which is unfair. I have no hatred for them and maybe you find that odd, considering I am from Mindoir, but you shouldn’t. You need to understand their anger towards my species. We forced our way into the galactic society, elbowing our way through the Citadel to get an embassy and took their colonies because we wanted them. We were a threat and a major one. We defeated the Turians who had the strongest and largest military in galactic space._

_I still stand firm in my belief that the only reason we were granted a Spectre, Brian “Sawyer” Shepard, without having a seat on the Council, was because the Council was afraid of us, of humans. We are stubborn, strong-headed, and determined. We don’t back down from a fight, we voice our opinions without regard as to who it may or may not offend, and we are brash. It is understandable why the Batarians don’t like us. We took their worlds and when the Council backed us, a new species that most didn’t even fully understand, it was the equivalent to a stab in the back. They were hurt, betrayed and upset. Do you blame them?_

_Are their actions excusable? No. Instead of trying to calmly diffuse the situation they acted out of anger and it cost them._

_Either way, I took multiple connection shuttles to Kar’Shan and was dropped at a remote location, coms off and under orders to not contact anyone; not that I had anyone to contact. I had enough MREs and water to last two weeks. I scouted the facility, trying to find any weakness. Night was my only option but the only downfall was that they were equipped with NVGs that had a range of up to 3500 (approximately 2.2 miles) meters. Even with my tactical cloak their NVGs would pick up my heat signature which is bad, very bad._

_After 6 days I was able to find a crack in their defenses but my only option was staying 3700 (approximately 2.3 miles) meters back, circling around to the side and use a grappling hook to repel myself upwards and that was a very unpleasant experience to say the least. I had to take out four guards in less than sixty seconds so there was no alerting my presence. That was the first time of many times that I was thankful for my training in how to remove an enemy without the use of a weapon and silently. I feel the need to mention that Hackett had been my trainer. I am fairly certain that Thane Krios would be amazed and would gladly test my abilities against his._

_Hacking the door was easy though I suppose they doubted anyone to infiltrate their building from the top and work their way down. I had the lock down and decrypted in less than 30 seconds; Kasumi Goto would be proud._

_I had to contend with two more guards at the door. I already had the schematics for the building, but there were things that I had no previous intel on such as: there was an odd signature coming from the central most part of the facility, shift changes or guards locations so I was moving completely blind._

_As I cautiously, putting it mildly, made my way to the chamber all I could hear was my shallow breathing, my heart beat, and my almost silent footfalls. In order for you to understand I need to let you know that the facility was built_ around _the Reaper who was a Sovereign class sized model which is two kilometers (approximately 1.2 miles) long. With that being said, you now understand how large the facility truly was and I needed to get into the Reaper , make my way to the central chamber, scan the innermost parts, decipher the data and get the hell out._

_Surprisingly there were few guards towards my destination and the guards were easy to distract thanks to a highly modified omni-tool. The Reaper was dead, for all intent and purpose, but it was still the most unnerving feeling. More than once I whipped around, shotgun at the ready, when the whispers finally got to me. It is easy to brush off how even a dead Reaper can indoctrinate you until you are the one who inside of one. I hope to God that I never have to go through that again. It creaked, groaned and shuddered as I made my way. Thinking about it now gives me goose bumps. Creepy would be a loose accuracy for how it made you feel._

_My data provided invaluable intel to the Alliance and I was promoted to Major. My information proved, beyond a doubt, that there was a Reaper killer out in space. The question was: where the hell was it and how did it take it out?_

_Before all of you conspiracy theorists start yacking away on your extranet sites and forums, you need to know that the Alliance had no idea what they were dealing with and only Anderson as well as Hackett were fully convinced that there were synthetic creatures out there as this was before Saren, the Geth and Sovereign’s attack on the Citadel. The Alliance brushed it off, swept it under the rug and vowed to deal with it later. However, they kept the data and per Hackett’s request contacted Dr. Bryson, a competent man and renowned scientist, to do more research with my data. Currently, I have no information on what he has discovered if anything as it was funded with limited resources._

_After that I was put on the most intense, classified and top-secret assignments. Most, all, of which I can never discuss or divulge any information on if you or I want to live._

_In 2183, while Shepard was chasing Saren and the Geth, I managed to get to Therum, Feros and Noveria before he did and all of which I pride myself on, though I don’t want to diminish what he did. I didn’t get all of the intel he managed too, since my reasons for being there were not the same, but I got enough._

_Despite what Liara T’Soni might say (because she  was, at the time, under oath), I am the one who convinced her to seal herself in the Prothean stasis field. I needed her information, whatever she could give on the Protheans and when the Geth landed I was forced to leave. She argued, but in the end she saw reasoning._

_Feros was a nightmare. I had originally thought the colonists of Zhu’s Hope to be indoctrinated but it turned out to be a giant, pre-Prothean, sentient plant that wanted to have a symbiotic relationship with me, but I was unwilling to let it suck me in, create a clone and spit it  back out. Exogeni had a lot to answer for and the Council, after Shepard was declared dead, did literally nothing to them. If I could, honestly, I would put a bullet through every single one of Exogeni’s employees eyes who knew what was happening on Feros. It’s sickening and disgusting. Currently the colony of Zhu’s Hope is faring well._

_Noveria was cold, bitter and laced with corruption. Not my favorite place, certainly, but it wasn’t the worst place I had ever been. Lorik Qui’in, a Turian, proved to be a surprising ally and helped me get the answers I was looking for. Rachni were being studied by both Benezia and Cerberus._

_Cerberus was coming into their own skin, if you will, and were slowly making an impact. I ran into them more than once and the experience was unpleasant to say the least. I will explain my interactions with them later._

_Not only was experimenting on the Rachni inhumane but it was also sloppy, unethical and brutal. Surely Benezia knew this, but she was indoctrinated. The way she spoke, the way she acted and the way she spoke to herself as if she was speaking to someone else was enough to warrant caution. I thought I was making headway with her, but I deluded myself. In the end, after I extracted the data I needed (thanks to a one Gianna Parasinni) I pulled out of Noveria and let Shepard deal with her. I’m not adept enough to deal with a legion of commandos, to put it lightly._

_A few months later Shepard had defeated Saren on the Citadel while I was decrypting data back at Arcturus and a month after that Shepard was declared dead over Alchera. I tried to reason with the Alliance to look for him. I went to Hackett and begged him to let me go to Alchera myself and look for his body, but nothing I ever said or did was enough._

_I know, Hackett knew and Anderson knew that the Reapers were real and were a threat to everyone and everything in galaxy, but the Alliance wouldn’t budge. Out of anger and frustration I left the Alliance, since it was time for me to re-enlist or get out, and went to C-Sec._

She paused, her fingers hovering over the keys. The next two years of her life were both the best and the worst. They were happy, light and fluffy and they were also sad, full of heart-break, betrayal and nightmares. She needed to get it out, get it out of her head. Maybe if she talked about it, she could sleep at night again.

She stopped typing, turning off the screen. He was silent, he was an assassin, but with all of her training, all of her background she could still hear his footfalls and she only looked up when he appeared around the corner, giving her a small smile.

“Siha,” he murmured, coming to sit in front of her, interlacing his fingers together and laying his hands on the table. “You’re up quite late, is there something bothering you? Perhaps, maybe, Vakarian,” he said his name like it was something distasteful, like accidentally eating a piece of moldy bread, and her lips turned down slightly at the corners. “has been upsetting you. I could speak to him; show him the error of his ways. Have you spoken to your Quarian friend, the bouncy, energetic one? She would be the most logical--”

She raised her hand slightly off the table, shaking her head with a small smile. “Thane, please. It’s not Garrus.” He tilted his head in acknowledgement of her statement, but his eyes regarded her with a thousand different emotions. Hesitantly he slid his hand across the table and pressed his fingers lightly to the back of her hand. As if on instinct she flipped her hand over, palm up, and took his in hers, lacing their fingers and giving his warm, gloved hand a soft squeeze.

“Are you working on something?” Her eyes crinkled slightly at the corners when she smiled and he wanted to caress her face, memorize with his hand and not just his mind, the curve of her cheek, the edge of her jaw. Her eyes were the same bright, mossy color found in the expanse of the forests on Kahje.

“Something like that. It’s similar to an auto-biography. I believe Dr. Solus is working on one as well,” she smiled.

“I can only assume that, in the unfortunate event, we fail at our mission, you are writing so that you will be remembered?”

She shook her head and sighed. “No, not at all. I don’t care who does or doesn’t remember me. I’m mostly doing it to just get everything out and off my shoulders. I need to put down into writing everything I have done from the good to the bad. If this makes it way to the Alliance or Council then they can decide what to do with it, but that’s assuming that we die. I’m hoping we won’t.”

They sat in silence for a few moments with Nat lost in her thoughts and Thane watching her. He leaned forward until his abdomen was pressed against the table and raising his hand, tucked her hair behind her ear before trailing his fingers over her cheek, cupping it and running his thumb over her cheek. She leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering closed and her hand came up to cover his.

He slid his hand into her thick waves, cradling the back of her head and gently urged her forward until she too was leaning across the table. His eyes searched hers, looking for an answer to his question. “Siha,” he murmured as he tilted her face upwards slightly, his other hand coming to rest on her cheek before he pressed his lips against hers.

She closed her eyes, letting herself give in to the feeling of Thane’s lips on hers. They were slightly rough, but when his lips parted and her tongue ran over his bottom lip the inside of his mouth was like silk. He tasted Earthy, spicy and sweet.

There was a small sound from behind Thane and they jumped, pulling apart. She tried to calm her breathing when her gaze collided with the fiery gaze of Garrus’ azure eyes. He was standing in the hall, his arms hanging by his side and his hands were clenched in tight fists. Before she could say anything he whipped around and strode back into the battery.

Hurriedly she muttered a goodnight to Thane and grabbed her console, sliding out of her chair and made her way towards the crew’s quarters. Once she was in her bunk, she once again cried over Garrus Vakarian.

 

* * *

 

“Nat,” came Sawyer’s voice from behind her. She was trying to wolf down a quick breakfast before either Thane or Garrus came out for their breakfast. After the night before, it was best if she avoided both of them. She looked over her shoulder, gulping down a glass of water and waved at him. He tossed himself into the chair across from her, sighing and rolled his neck. “So apparently Tali is being accused of treason and we have to get to the Flotilla asap and she asked if you could come along.”

She froze, her spoon hovering a few inches in front of her face and she stared at him. He gave her a funny look, his dark brows drawing down over his blue eyes. “What?”

“What do you mean Tali is being accused of treason? And how can you say that so casually, like it’s an everyday occurrence?” He shrugged, clearly not distressed in the least about Tali’s horrible predicament.

“Trust me, Nat, the Flotilla is about to learn that this was the biggest fuckin’ mistake they could have ever made. You don’t fuck with my crew and definitely not the woman that I am in love with,” he spit vehemently. “Either way, if you’re done meet me at the airlock in five.” He pushed away from the table as she gave him a mock salute, smiling against her cup at his proclamation about her friend.

She heard the gun battery’s door open and immediately pushed her bowl away, not even bothering to put it in the sink knowing full well that Rupert would scream at her later but she really didn’t care at the moment; needing to get away.

 

* * *

 

After finding out that Tali was being accused of bringing active Geth to the Flotilla, that her father had been killed during the attack and retaking the Alerei, Sawyer was extremely pissed off by the time they got back. Not to mention the fact that Tali’s entire trial was just a ruse to decide if they should or should not go to war with the Geth. His anger was also fueled by hearing the fact that Koris was insisting that they continue the trial despite Raan’s attempts at trying to reason with him. “I swear to God, I will kill every single one of them,” he muttered, as they marched through the door.

Sounding defeated Raan finally gave in saying, “Very well. Is the admiralty board prepared to render judgment?”

As they pushed past the crowd, Tali looked at them levelly. “Sorry we’re late.”

Sawyer nodded and snorted, thrusting his hand back over his shoulder with his thumb out. “You don’t waste much time declaring us dead. Why don’t you go get your fuckin’ ship?”

“We apologize, Shepard,” Gerrel said, looking ashamed of himself. “Your success in taking back the Alerei is… very unexpected.”

“But also very welcome,” Raan added pointedly. Gerrel brushed her off.

“Did you find anything that could clarify what happened there?” Tali looked at Sawyer, worried that he might out her father but Nat slipped her hand in hers and squeezed. Shepard stepped forward, his back straight and anger outlined in every muscle of his body.

“Does Captain Shepard have any new evidence to submit to this hearing?” Sawyer shook his head, his body alighting in a faint blue hue.

“Tali’s achievements are the only _evidence_ you should need,” he spat before turning his back and looking at Tali. “Come on, we’re getting the fuck off this ship.”

“What?”

“This is a formal hearing,” Koris spoke up angrily. Suddenly Sawyer whipped around and glared at him.

“Wrong, Admiral! This is a fuckin’ sham. You’re trying to build sympathy for the Geth to forestall the war effort!” Both Koris and Gerrel sputtered; shocked that Shepard had spoken to them like that.

“This is not what you might think it is Shepard,” Gerrel said.

“Gerrel, you just want all the fucked up experiments covered so you yourself can use your power to throw your life and the lives of your people away at the Geth,” Nat quipped, her eyes blazing as turned off the tint on her helmet. Immediately the room fell silent as Koris and Gerrel looked at her.

“Major Evans?”

“Damn right it’s me and you better believe that I’m not fooling around. You can do whatever you want with your ships but you damn well better leave Tali and the entire crew of the Normandy out of your political bullshit! You can either accept Tali’s word or exile her, the woman who saved the Citadel from the Geth, and make an enemy out of me and you both,” she pointed her finger at the them, her voice shaking with anger. “know what I am capable of.”

They stuttered and looked around at each other. Silently and one by one they tapped onto their omni-tools until Raan’s voice rang out.

“We find Tali’Zorah, in light of her service history, not guilty.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this chapter is overdue. Yes, I'm sorry it took so long but please forgive me! 
> 
> And yes, yes, yes. There will be more since it's labeled as "Part 1".
> 
> Also, yes. I agonized over this chapter. :-(


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so we learn everything about Natalie Evans.

“Natalie, there is an encrypted message coming in for you,” EDI’s voice broke over the intercom just as they were docking on Nos Astra. “It’s marked urgent. I’m having difficulties decrypting it and finding the sender.” Nat’s eyes widened, her face paled.

 _That can’t be a good sign_.

No, no I don’t think it is.

“I’ll take it in the com room,” she answered quickly. She glanced at Sawyer who was watching her closely. “Make sure no one interrupts me while I speak to him.” The tone of her voice brooked no argument and before he could even respond she was taking off at a sprint through the CIC and disappeared into the armory.

“What the hell was that?” Sawyer asked, jerking his thumb in the direction that she had taken off towards. Garrus tossed his hands up and Tali shrugged.

“Shepard, I know who the sender is.” It was rare for EDI to sound cautious and it piqued his curiosity.

“Who is it?” After a few moments of silence, he peaked around the corner to peer at EDI’s blue orb. “EDI, who is it?”

“A Geth.” Shepard felt his mouth fall open as he barely registered Tali’s soft, “Keelah”.

“You two, with me _now_ ,” he growled and whipped around, heading in the direction of the com room with fury licking at his veins.

It was time for damn answers and he was tired of not getting anything.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What are you talking about? What Reaper? Where are you, Legion?”

Legion was bathed in the blue light of the QEC and his facial flaps were fluttering as he spoke, “This platform is located on an Old Machine in the Hawking Eta cluster near the brown dwarf in the Thorne system. We require assistance Evans-Major. You have helped us before.”

She scrubbed her face impatiently, running her hands through her thick waves and sighed. “What are you doing on a Reaper? I thought I told you to disappear.”

“The Heretics – Shepard-Commander.” Instantly she whipped around, her hair slapping her jaw and gritted her teeth. Garrus was encrypting the lock while Tali disabled all the monitoring devices, as if Nat hadn’t already done it, while Sawyer faced her, his face contorted in absolute fury.

The line ended, Legion’s form disappearing from view, as Nat and Sawyer stared each other down. He stepped towards her, his blue eyes sparking as she drew herself up to her full height, tilting her head back and meeting his gaze unwaveringly.

“What was that?” he asked slowly, his finger raising and pointing to where the geth had been just moments before.

“He’s a friend.”

“It,” Tali corrected quickly, but shrank back slightly when Natalie turned her eyes on her, fixing her with a steely look.

“ _He_ is my friend.” Her eyes snapped back to Sawyer’s. “I trust him with my life and there are very few people in this galaxy that I can say that about.” Her face darkened for a moment as if remembering something then it disappeared quickly as she once again focused her eyes on Shepard.

“She’s not lying, Shepard.” Sawyer flicked his eyes at Garrus who had his eye fixed on the readings that were flashing over his visor quickly. Sawyer relaxed, rubbing his hands over his face and massaging his temples.

“How are you friends with a geth?”

“That’s--”

“Don’t give me that ‘it’s classified’ bullshit.” Her eyes glinted dangerously and her jaw clenched so tightly he could almost hear her teeth scraping against each other. “I’ve been patient, right? Patient beyond what I am normally capable of doing. I listened to you when you talked about your work trying to free the salve camps, I didn’t ask about the Citadel archives. I didn’t press you for information when you said you knew Liara. I didn’t ask how you knew that I was going after the Collectors and how you are so popular with the Admirals aboard the Fleet. I need answers. Now.” On the last word, he jabbed his index finger down into the table so hard it left a small dent.

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and leaned heavily against the table. Her body was lined with exhaustion and in that moment she looked so young, so fragile. “It’s complicated, so damn complicated. And honest to God, it _is_ classified.” When her emerald eyes met his again he was briefly taken aback by the look in her eyes. Desperation mixed with fury yet lined with truth and somehow combining into pleading and sorrow. She shook her head, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders in silken waves, as her brow knitted as if she were battling herself internally but coming up blank.

“We’ve got all day,” he said slowly, shifting and hauling himself up onto the table into a sitting position. “From the beginning, Evans.”

She took a deep breath, casting a wary eye over Garrus and Tali. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust them, she did, with her life and everything else in between, but there were things that she just didn’t want them to know. Especially Garrus. She looked at the console, making a quick decision. “EDI?”

“Yes, Major Evans?”

“I want everything logged, catalogued, encrypted and kept securely out of the Illusive Man’s hands. Everything I say is between you, me, Sawyer, Tali and Garrus. It never leaves this room or my omni-tool, do I make myself clear?” After a slight hesitation, Nat cocked a brow at the blue orb. “Are my orders clear or do I have to disable you?”

“No one shall ever know about this conversation. You are my crew and it is my job to keep you safe.”

Nat took a deep breath, sliding a slender hand through her hair before waving it out in front of her towards the two dextro aliens. “This is going to take awhile, might as well as make yourselves comfortable.”

As soon as everyone was settled she launched into service history with the Army and Alliance. She brought up her written notes on her omni-tool while telling them about the Leviathan of Dis, Therum, Feros, and Noveria. The looks that past over their faces were almost comical had it not been that everything she was telling them was beyond classified.

As soon as she opened her mouth to continue about how she started working at C-Sec, Sawyer cut her off with his brow drawn down over his eyes and a slight wave of his hand.

“Wait. So the Leviathan of Dis is real? What killed the Reaper? It was a pain in the ass to take down Sovereign. I can’t imagine anything strong enough to take out a Reaper like that and leave it fully intact.”

She splayed her hands in front of her and sighed. “We don’t know, but whatever took it out was extremely powerful. We know it wasn’t conventional weapons or even the Protheans that did it. However, that is why we have Dr. Bryson looking into it.”  

She was bombarded with a thousand questions between the three in front of her: Why were you on Therum?  What were you doing? Did the Alliance send you there? What about Feros? How did you know about what was going on? Why didn’t you stop it? But wait, why did they send you alone to Karshan? Why did you talk to Benezia? What did she tell you? Did you know about Ilos? Were you aware of the conduit?

She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes, trying to reign in the control that she had left. So many questions, not enough viable answers and not nearly enough time. They were asking questions that she was still trying to figure out in her own mind. They were reaching back years and diving off into uncharted waters and she didn’t have a life boat for them. She raised her hands, looking levelly at them. “Enough! I don’t have the answers you want or need. Do you want me to continue or not?” Sawyer looked as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he kept his mouth shut and leaned back  to listen to the rest of her story.

“When you died I decided to try my hand at C-Sec. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be part of the military anymore. Not with the way they handled your death and how they treated Hackett and Anderson when they begged to keep looking for you. They wanted everything over. They wanted to go back to ignoring the Reapers; it was easier that way and I didn’t blame them but it still angered me regardless.

“Given my extensive military background C-Sec placed me with Garrus,” she started, her eyes glancing at the mentioned turian quickly whose blue eyes were fixed on her like he was just now seeing her for the first time. “I’d heard a lot about him. I was told that he was hot-headed, impulsive, and did whatever he felt was necessary to get the job done. Truth be told, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be paired with him even though I knew that he had served with you. Usually, I’m very deliberate in my actions but don’t mistake that to mean that I am _always_ conservative in what I do.

“After working with the infamous Garrus Vakarian I learned that he had changed since following you to Ilos. He was far more relaxed than I was led to believe however uptight he might still have been. We worked our fair share of nasty, disturbing and downright terrifying cases but we always, _always_ , got the asshole. We become close,” she said, her voice dropping to a softer tone, a small wistful smile taking over face and Sawyer knew that look. She wasn’t talking to everyone anymore. She was talking aloud, babbling to him and had forgotten that others were in the room; typical officer behavior. He chanced a glance at Garrus.

Garrus’ eyes were fixed on her face, his visor off. He swallowed and slowly his eyes closed. When he opened them again there was a determination in them that Sawyer had only seen when he wanted something and knew precisely how to get it.

“Everyone at C-sec knew about us,” she continued. “But no one questioned us. We always got the job done and we never flinched to take the hardest cases. We were an exceptional team. However, he left for Omega. When he left I was called to the Council for a private and delicate matter. Turns out that was the understatement of the century. I was promoted to Spectre.”

The three of them jerked visibly and even EDI’s orb quivered for a moment. “It was all very hush-hush and no one was to know except the Council and the highest of the Alliance. That clearance got me into the Citadel Archives and you should know that since it was in your paperwork. More to the point the Council was,” she paused, pacing while plucking at her bottom with her middle finger and thumb of her left hand. “worried, for lack of a better word, about what the quarians were up to in geth space.

“I was more or less sent to investigate while still being a part of C-Sec officially. What I discovered was irrefutably damning to the quarians but we need to back up. The Council wanted to deter a clearly defined ominous threat that pointed to war between the geth and the quarians. In the end, I was that deterrent.

“I was sent to meet with Koris and Gerrel in private. We met aboard my small star ship and I listened while they argued, droned and pointed the finger. Eventually they were able to agree on where the geth stronghold was most prominent, most threatening. I had my pilot escort them back to the fleet before engaging stealth systems and taking off to the location of where they had given me.

“I expected the worse. I expected the geth to have over a million strong, based off of their warnings but nothing they said bared fruit. Instead I came face to face with a geth sniper who matched my skills above and beyond. He was operating with 1,183 programs and I instantly understood the concern of the Admirals.

“He captured me and drug me off to somewhere on his base to question me or rather, interrogate me. He wanted to know what I was doing in the Perseus Veil. More importantly, he wanted to know if I had any information about you, Shepard. He didn’t believe me that you had died. Repeatedly I said the same thing, over and over again.

“Finally the interrogation stopped. He looked at me, his facial flaps moving and he asked me a single question: where? I asked him why it mattered,” she said, closing her eyes to recall the memory with perfect clarity. “He explained why the Heretics allied themselves with Sovereign. He showed me, shoving me into a pod and integrating me with the geth consensus, to prove his point. I watched, listened and cried for the geth. The quarians were wrong. Koris and Gerrel lied to me, point blank, in order to further each of their causes.

“The Geth were never at fault. They only took up arms when the quarians left them no choice,” her eyes opened. She looked at the three of them, her green eyes glistening with unshed tears and Tali turned her head towards the wall trying to hide the quiet sniffling that was coming from her helmet. “The quarians treated them like they were cattle to be slain. They, the quarians, killed innocent men and women who got in their way because they were frightened. Frightened of their own damn creation.

“He asked me where you had died and I told him. He was in need of repair but before we could fix him I needed to ask Liara where exactly she had found you. So we made our way to Illium. She told us, in exchange for a hearty favor.

“When we landed on Alchera I was afraid that Legion wouldn’t be able to survive, but he’s strong. He pushed aside the wreckage, found parts of your armor even. Most was delivered to Liara as per her request but he kept one piece. He welded it to his platform while claiming to have no data available as to why he wanted it.

“I told him that I couldn’t let the geth keep terrorizing the galaxy. He looked at me, his facial flaps moving nervously and he gripped his rifle. His light focused on me and he asked,” she laughed a wet, mournful laugh. “Bless him. He asked, “Evans-Major, are you going to terminate this platform simply because the Creators asked you too?” I was numb, my hand hovering over my shotgun. Never once had I gone against orders but as I let his words wash over me, I knew that my orders were wrong.  Especially after what I had witnessed firsthand.

“I told him no. I let go of my weapon and looked at him. I told him that if he and the geth stayed away from the heretics then no harm would come to him and I have maintained my promise. He agreed and I left him on Alchera, knowing he’d get a way off, to blow up his base, wipe everything and keep a copy for myself, to which, with his permission, I gave to Tali.

“The Admiralty board was none too pleased when I presented them with what Legion had given me. I was furious. They had lied to me, blatantly, and they expected me to just shrug it off as if it meant nothing. They deceived me and I don’t take that lightly.

“They wanted, Rael and Gerrel, to let the galaxy believe the lies that they had produced. Koris was on my side; as you well know he is a sympathizer. I was so angry that I yanked off my helmet and tossed it across the room while I yelled at them. I told them that they either ceased their ridiculous plans for war, because it would destroy their entire race, or I take my evidence to the Council, to the Alliance or even the Hierarchy. If I had to I would upload it onto every major server and broadcast it to every system, every planet and every moon I could find.

“I didn’t think that they would listen but they conceded and deferred to my judgment much to Koris’ relief. They asked me what had become of the base and the geth ship. I told them the truth: I blew them to hell and back. They wanted Legion’s location. I told them I didn’t know where he was and that was lined with truth. I left him on Alchera but I didn’t know if he had gotten off world yet. I didn’t tell them that however.

“I left the Admirals and reported back to the Council who gave me a “job well done, Spectre Evans” and sent me on my next assignment. I was assigned to an asari Spectre. Tela. They praised her, but they also praised Saren so I took their praises and shoved them where the sun don’t shine,” she said, her southern twang coming out particularly strong. Sawyer noticed how Garrus’ face shifted into an amused look, his eyes darting away from her face for a moment and smiling before focusing on her again. He too, apparently, found it adorable. She popped the bones in her neck and sighed.

“We worked fairly well together but I hated her. She was conniving, she was a bitch and most of all I couldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. She was unconventional. She used brute force when it wasn’t necessary. I made the mistake of having drinks with her one night on Omega. After about forty too many drinks in the dingy bar of Afterlife I blabbed about Legion and a little about what I had done before being appointed Spectre. I was drunk, lonely, missing Garrus terribly and all around hating life in general.

“She listened to everything I said and the next morning when I woke up in the horrible place she’d found, she was gone and I escaped the throngs of the Shadow Broker’s agents. I sent a quick message to Legion telling him to fall off the grid and I stole a shuttle out into the Terminus systems. I kept dodging the Broker’s men until I managed to get to Illium. I went to Liara and she gave me safe harbor until the imminent threat was gone.

“I told her what happened. Tela was a double agent and the Broker knew that I had ties to a geth. He wanted that information and when he had whatever Tela had told him I was useless to them. I never found her again but I told the Council what happened and they reacted quickly. They stripped her of her Spectre rank and I disappeared into the Terminus systems with a small team to deal with slavers. And that’s when you found me.”

She sighed heavily, leaning against the table and dropped her head into her hands. A weight had been lifted from her shoulders that she hadn’t known was there but the relief was like taking off your shoes after having been in them all day or unbuttoning your pants after a deliciously heavy meal.

“She tried to have you killed,” Garrus spoke up, his deep voice reverberating off the walls. She nodded slowly and sucked in a breath.

She didn’t know how good it could possibly feel to actually tell someone about her past. Her eyes burned with the scalding hot tears that pricked the back of her eyes. She tried to swallow the lump in the back of her throat but it didn’t give.

She hadn’t let herself feel about any of what had happened. She hadn’t wanted to think about it too much, but now – now she could and she knew, without a doubt, that the three others in the room wouldn’t betray her as Tela had.

As the first sob escaped her lips she felt familiar arms wrap around her, jerking her against a hot, unyielding body. She instinctively gripped his armor and cried into him. His hands ran down her back, through her hair and he murmured into the top of her head softly.

Quietly Tali and Sawyer made their way from the room, letting the door behind them shut before they said anything. They leaned against the opposite wall and looked at each other.

“Well, that’s a lot of fucking information to take in.” Tali laughed but quieted after a moment, her eyes lingering over his face.

“I understand her relief though. To have kept all that in all this time…”

“She trusts us.”

“You know,” she said, her voice taking on a shy note. “one of the greatest ways to show trust in my culture is to link suits with someone. I’ve never done it. I’ve never felt that kind of, well, you know… before, I mean – well, until now that is.”

He looked at her, his heart beating a million miles a minute as he reached up and stroked her arm. She turned towards him and he smiled.

“Are you saying--”

“It’s always been you Sawyer but I never realized it until just now. Watching them and seeing how, despite all of what they’ve each been through, they still love each other so much and trust each other inexplicably just made me realize that I feel for you what they feel for each other. If you don’t feel the same or--”

Sawyer leaned forward, taking her helmeted face in both of his hands and stopped her words. “I would gladly link my suit with yours, Tali’Zorah vas Normandy.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, SO, SO sorry for the long time between updates but I have been crazy busy. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did writing it. :-)


	14. Chapter 14

Hurriedly, he made his way towards Tali.

He needed to talk to someone and Garrus was too preoccupied and upset with the ever growing relationship between Nat and Thane. He’d tried to talk to him but when Garrus had thrown him a thunderous look followed by the utter look of despair; Sawyer knew that he shouldn’t burden him anymore. He needed to accept that Natalie and Thane were growing close and realize that it was partially his fault.

The doors opened and he barked at Ken and Gabby to find somewhere else to hangout as a worried Tali turned around as soon as they left and tilted her helmeted face at him, her glowing eyes filling with worry when he gathered her in a tight hug.

“Sawyer, what-what’s wrong?” she asked, splaying her hand over his back as she slid the other into his hair.

“I can’t find _her_ ,” he gasped out, burying his face into her shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut against the hot liquid that burned the backs of his eyes. She gave a soft, “Oh” and held him tight, sliding her hand up and down his back. He heaved in two heavy breaths before sighing and exhaling through his nose.

“Sawyer, it’s going to be okay. You’ve always found her before, right?”

He pulled back to nod slowly, but the pain was still too much. Her own hands quickly removed her helmet despite the protest on his lips, but when she cupped his face and he could see her eyes, cheeks, and lips all argument died. “You’ll find her again,” she whispered, the warbling of the helmet gone and was replaced with just her soft voice.

“But what if I don’t, Tali? Since Cerberus I-I don’t know.” She offered him a watery smile and sighed, leaning up to press her lips against his. She pulled back, running her hands through his hair.

“She’s your sister, Sawyer. She’s always been with you.”

“I love your confidence.” Her pale lavender lips quirked at the edges.

“Ever doubted me before?” she asked, as she looped her arms around his neck, her one hand sliding through his short, uncharacteristic hair while the other caressed the back of his neck. He ducked his head in mild embarrassment. When he had first met her in the wards, yes he had doubted her but upon seeing her skill he had grown to trust her as much as Garrus. Of course, he wasn’t about to tell her that.

He sighed, feeling his humorous side slipping and being replaced with the ever growing sorrow of not being able to find Jane. Once again, those damned hot tears pricked the back of his eyes and he swallowed forcing himself to meet her eyes.

“What if I can’t get her back?” Tali felt her heart shatter into a million pieces at the sound of his voice and she swallowed quickly, bringing her left hand to hold his face and run her thumb over his cheek.  She felt her own tears gather and could barely see through them, but she smiled despite the obvious pain her lover was feeling.

“Then you’ve found her already.” He jerked and stared at her curiously, his blue eyes looking at her with confusion.

“What?”

She shook her head, giving a small laugh. “Natalie.” Again he gave her a look of confusion, before his eyes looked over her shoulder and her words sunk in.

“Natalie,” he repeated, his voice sounding far off and hollow to his ears, even though the revelation wasn’t as shocking as he thought it might be.

_Are you surprised?_

Where the hell have you been, Jane? In his mind he saw her freckled face give him an impish smile, the dimples in her cheeks giving the indication that she thought it was funnier than he did.

 _Around_ , she answered mystically. _But really, are you that surprised that she would take me place?_

It just doesn’t feel right—

_You can’t hold me prisoner here forever, Brian. Eventually you had to let me go and what better way than this? Now – now you have someone you can physically protect who won’t die so easily. She can fight –_

No! Stop, just stop. But she continued on as if she hadn’t heard his plea.

 _And she can watch over you. I never could. I was never trained to fight, Brian. I was a fucking_ farmer _. Far-mer. What the fuck did I know? I couldn’t even hold a fucking pistol. I couldn’t shoot the piece of shit batarian that raped and murdered me._

He bowed his head against Tali’s shoulder, trying to shield himself from the pain of his sister’s words and dug his fingers into his hair, his face twisting into a look of excruciating pain.

“No,” he whispered. The memories, all the damn memories, came flooding back and he turned away from the quarian to empty the contents of his stomach into the waste basket nearest him, falling to his knees.

_Yes. And you know it’s true._

Then she was gone and he was clutching the trash with white knuckles until he felt five sets of hands on his shoulders.

You were never a prisoner, Jane. I just couldn’t let you go. I love you.

But there was no answer, just the silent echoing of his own thoughts inside his head.

Don’t go Jane. I need you. 


	15. Chapter 15

No one spoke about his episode, not that he expected them to. Tali hadn’t mentioned it and for that he was grateful. Based off the looks he had received from her he knew that she was worried about him, but he’d just smile at her to let her know that he was going to be okay and that he was working through it, in his own way.

As he rounded the corner towards the mess he found Nat and Thane standing in the corner of the hall speaking in quiet tones. He felt like an intruder when Thane raised his hand to caress her cheek before kissing her forehead and murmuring, “Siha.”  It was none of his business, but he could only imagine what Garrus might have felt if he’d been the one to happen upon them instead of himself. Nat noticed him standing there awkwardly and told Thane she’d talk to him later before heading his direction.

Sawyer noticed the way Thane watched her as she walked away and was torn. He knew he should be happy that Natalie was happy, but at the same time he was angry at Thane for hurting his best friend.

“Need me for something or are you just a natural voyeur?” she asked, her lips turning up at the corners. Sawyer looked away from Thane, turning his eyes towards hers.

“Ha, ha. I wanted to talk to you about the Shadow Broker. What exactly do you know about him?” She blew air up out of mouth and shrugged.

“Not as much as I would like, but more than most I suppose. Well, except for maybe Liara but even she doesn’t have that much information on him. He’s obscure and for good reason. He trades information for money, goods and power. Outside of the highest personnel in the governments he’s the last person you’d want to piss off. He could start a war in five minutes or less.” Sawyer motioned for her to walk with him as he made himself a bowl of whatever Gardner had that was steaming on the stove. “Why do you ask?”

“Cerberus gave me some information to hand to Liara since she’s looking for him because of her friend, Feron. Do we even know if he’s human?” Nat tossed herself into a chair across from him as he sat down at the table and began spooning the goop into his mouth and grimacing, his face taking on a sour look as his body shuddered. He eyed the grey shit with barely containtained disgust and Nat had to suppress a laugh.  He dipped his spoon back into the goop and frowned as it dripped from his utensil saying, “I think I prefer paste over this… food?” Nat snorted, trying to keep the giggle inside her throat and failed.

“Gosh, the look on your face is priceless.” He cocked a dark brow at her, his mouth pull down into a pathetic frown and she tried to sober up, tossing her long chocolate hair over her shoulder and coughing. “I have no idea. He could be anything or anyone. We know for a fact that Feron is alive? Or is this just speculation?” He shrugged, forcing another spoonful of goop into his mouth and swallowing. “Well what do you want to do then?”

“I told Liara I’d meet her at her apartment to figure things out. I want you and Garrus to suit up and meet me at the airlock in fifteen,” he said as he pushed the bowl of grayish food like substance away and downed his water.

 

 

* * *

 

 

There was silence on the shuttle ride to Liara’s, not that Sawyer had expected much talking between the human and turian in his company. He did, however, notice the looks of pain, hurt, sadness, and longing that they kept tossing at each other when the other wasn’t looking. Sawyer didn’t think he’d ever truly understand why Garrus wouldn’t pull his head from his ass or why Natalie wouldn’t just tell him how she felt, how badly he’d hurt her and why she was with Thane or was, at least, headed in that direction.

Sawyer knew, without a doubt, that if Garrus would man up and tell her how he felt and how much he wanted to be with her, Thane would just be a distant thought. But it wasn’t his business or so he kept telling himself. Even Tali had told him not to meddle between them saying, “They have to work this out themselves. If Nat wants to be with Thane then let her. Garrus loves her, but both of them are too stubborn to say anything. Eventually they will find each other again, but for now we have to stay out of it.”

As they landed and hopped out, they noticed the police shuttles outside of Liara’s apartment and immediately they took the elevator up to her floor, dread filling Sawyer’s gut. “I’m sure Liara is okay. She’s smart and she knew what she was getting herself into,” Garrus said as they stepped to the door that led to Liara’s home.

“Exactly, Garry’s right. Liara might be a lot of things, but dumb is not one of them.”

They crossed the holographic crime scene tape, ignoring the police who told them to stand back.

“This area is sealed off. Please step back, sir.”

“Sealed off? What the hell?” If Liara’s apartment was being commandeered by the police then something had to have happened. He didn’t like the idea.  

An asari with purple markings slowly made her way down the stairs, casually and almost languidly, caressing the rail, saying, “Someone tried to kill your friend, Commander Shepard.”

 “Thank you, officer. Your people are dismissed,” the asari said quietly. The officers huffed in anger, saying something about how she couldn’t do that, but left. “Tela Vasir. Special Tactics and Recon.”

The name caused Shepard to pause, trying to remember where he’d heard it but her Spectre status caught him off guard. Why was there a Spectre at Liara’s house? “A Spectre?”

“I heard your status was reinstated. Good,” she said, ignoring his question. “You’re one of our most famous operatives, might even get you to sign my chest plate.” Sawyer cocked a brow at her. She paused, looking at his companions, her eyes falling on Natalie and lingering for just a moment longer than necessary. Her eyes moved back to Sawyer. “So I assume your had business with your friend this evening, Commander.”

Natalie shifted at his side, her hand falling towards her shotgun, and her breathing had become ragged in his ear but he ignored it. If Vasir was a Spectre then she could be trusted, but he still didn’t understand how and why a Spectre had gotten wind of Liara’s situation so quickly. Perhaps Nat’s nervous behavior was warranted and maybe he should be slightly more cautious. “Liara was following a lead; something that was damning at best.”

“A lead? On what?” Vasir tilted her head, curiosity lighting her eyes but he couldn’t help but notice the way her eyes shifted towards Natalie’s armor clad body as if trying to see through her breather helmet. Why was she do damn interested in Natalie?

 _Think, Brian,_ think _._ Her voice sounded tried and strained. He pushed down on a well of guilt; the dregs of his episode flaring up and he tried to ignore them.

About what, Jane? But she was gone in an instant, almost as fast as she had appeared.

Once again Natalie tensed at his side. “Tread carefully, Sawyer,” she whispered through the coms. Despite the better, and smarter, part of him he answered Vasir.

“The Shadow Broker.” Vasir’s face slid into a stoic expression though her eyes betrayed her curiosity as she stepped towards him.

“The Shadow Broker? Dangerous enemy to have indeed.” Sawyer sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced around the room, mentally cataloging the bullet holes, Prothean artifacts and even his old N7 armor.

Sawyer gave a frustrated sigh. “Well if she isn’t here, where the fuck is she?”

“If I knew that,” Vasir said, rolling her eyes. “then I wouldn’t be sifting through her crap. The sniper didn’t count on her kinetic barrier. Clever girl. Paranoid, but clever.” Despite her being a Spectre he doubted that she would know if Liara had used her barrier, but he brushed it off and looked around.

“She was expecting me. Maybe she left something. Her office wasn’t exactly safe.”

Vasir gave a rueful laugh and smirked at him, her arms crossing her chest. “I’m not surprised. Illium is just Omega,” she paused, once again looking at Natalie before glancing at Garrus. “with expensive shoes. I haven’t found anything useful in tracking her down yet.” She shrugged, the movement seeming forced and unnatural. “You knew T’Soni better than I do. Where would she have hidden her backups?”

He felt the light touch of Natalie’s hand, but shook her off. “Lemme look around and see what I can find.” Natalie turned away from him, shaking her head and stalking off to glare up at the painted picture of Ilos.

“That’s not Thessia. I don’t know what planet that is.”

“It’s Ilos,” Sawyer called over his shoulder as he made his way up the stair to Liara’s bedroom. As soon as he saw the framed picture of the Normandy he knew that was what he was looking for. He picked it up and sure enough, the picture changed to a Prothean dig site.

“Interesting,” Vasir said, coming up next to him. “It must be keyed to your ID. What is that?”

“Prothean dig site. She did leave me a message,” he said quietly, eyeing Vasir from the corner of his eyes. Why was Natalie so worried about her? Why did Vasir follow him when she seemed to entranced over the bits of broken glass?

“Prothean objects seem to be in abundance around her. How about we see what we can find?”

With the help of Natalie and Garrus is didn’t take long to find the object they were all looking for, but Sawyer was finding it increasingly difficult to trust his fellow Spectre. She was hovering; constantly looking over his shoulder and commenting on what exactly he was inspecting despite her attention being otherwise engaged.  If there was anything Sawyer hated more than betrayal or someone questioning his orders it was someone hovering.

Yet when he touched the glass that encased a magnificent piece of ancient history, and a small round object slid out, he forgot about his worries. He studied the object for a moment before Vasir’s voice broke out through is thoughts. “Backup disc. Let’s try it on her terminal.”

What he had expected to find was not what they had discovered. He’d been under the illusion that it would have been a message to him telling him what had happened and the sad, inevitable truth about her death. Instead he listened to the message, a secret and cryptic one, as Liara spoke to a salarian. The video ended just as quickly as it had begun, but when Vasir’s eyes slid to him suspiciously, almost cautiously, he glanced at Natalie who was once again fingering her shotgun, her eyes trying to shoot lasers at Vasir.

“Sounds like Liara found something big on the Shadow Broker.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“The bitch hasn’t changed!” Natalie cried as she shot forward towards Vasir who was cradling the disc that led to the Shadow Broker’s base. She crashed into her, slamming her back against the window and Sawyer watched in slow motioned horror as they tumbled out of the window. As fast as his biotics would allow he rushed towards them, but they were falling to quickly until Vasir used her biotics to slow them down and kick Natalie off of her, which sent Nat careening to the ground with an audible crack! He grit his teeth against the sickening sound, barely noticing how Liara and Garrus dashed for the window.

“Coming?” Liara asked, lifting her glowing hand towards him. She didn’t wait for an affirmative before she jerked him towards her and all three of them were falling, alarmingly quick, until their feet hit solid ground. Instantly Liara was grabbing Natalie by the hand and tugging her towards Vasir.

“Fuck! Shit! I hurt so much,” Nat swore when Liara grabbed her by the bicep and thrust her towards Vasir. In a quick moment, faster than a varren or cobra, Liara rounded on her, not losing her momentum as she dragged a broken Natalie behind her.

“If you want to catch the asari that gave you up, you better hurry Nat.” The next moment Sawyer was leaning behind a pillar as the Shadow Broker’s agents opened fire against him.

He switched to his pistol and landed three headshots as Garrus called out his catch phrase, “I love this rifle!”

With the current enemies down they took off at a run towards where Liara and Nat had disappeared too, only to be met with more opposition.

“Go for the optics, Chatika!” Sawyer whipped around and was surprised to find Tali rushing in behind him followed closely by Thane and Grunt.

Her drone zapped an unsuspecting Salarian who cursed, but fell to the floor withering in pain and screaming.

“Yeah! Right on your ass!” He couldn’t help the grin that split across his face at as Tali and Garrus flanked him, both giving him similar smiles as his crew took out the waves of enemies.

“How’d you get here?” Sawyer yelled above the bullets and screams of pain as Thane and Garrus landed precise shots. Tali tossed him a skeptical look, tossing out her drone.

“Joker and EDI are monitoring your feeds. Do you really think I’d ignore this?” Grunt gave vent to a peel of laughter as both he and Garrus hit a salarian who fell to the floor.

When the last merc fell he and his crew took off towards where Natalie and Liara were battling Vasir.

“I should have killed you on Omega, Evans!” Vasir screamed over the whirring of the cabs and reloading of weapons.

Natalie was panting heavily, trying to cradle her broken left arm, and gave a rueful laugh. “You should know that I’m not easy to kill!”

As soon as Vasir stopped firing Natalie was hot on her tail. Both Garrus and Thane screamed her name as she ran, despite having broken bones, headlong into Vasir and tackled her into the shuttle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I left this in a cliff hanger, but just know that I will continue it. 
> 
> I'm sorry my updates have been so weird lately, but I have a ton of crap going on. I'll try to get better at updates as soon as my life calms down. :-)
> 
> I just hope that you enjoyed it.


	16. Chapter 16

 

“Where the hell did they go?” Sawyer cried as he searched the darkened blue sky of Illium, his eyes darting to find just a brief glance of the shuttle that Vasir and Nat had careened into and consequently sped off in.

“They’re heading towards Azure,” Liara answered quickly as she frantically typed on her omni-tool. Two shuttles rose from the ground, the doors opening.

“You just _knew_ that?” he asked as he hopped into the driver’s side with Liara and Garrus clamoring in behind him. He nodded at Tali as she, Thane and Grunt commandeered the other shuttle. He eyed the console in front of him. “What kinds of guns does this thing have?”

“It’s a taxi; it has a fare meter,” she said exasperatedly, shaking her head. “If we hurry we can catch up. They are right behind those buildings,” she pointed to the Dantius Towers. As the shuttle took off, much faster than any taxi had a right to, he glanced at her in the rearview mirror; his bright, crystal like blue eyes piercing her.

“How do you know where they are?” Her movements on her omni froze and she met his gaze through the mirror, her blue eyes slightly widened as her lips turned into a thin line.

“Major Evans has a lot of enemies. Just as many as you, Sawyer, so when she came to me looking for a safe house I didn’t know what to do, so I contacted Admiral Hackett. To insure her safety I inserted a tracking device in her left arm.” Her eyes fell away from his in a display that was almost shameful. She swallowed and shook her head. “It was a precaution in case she were to die like you.”

He narrowly avoided a crashing truck as he rounded the corner of the Dantius building. “Are we talking Reaper scale enemies or something less?” Garrus asked quietly, his sharp blue eyes never leaving Liara’s round pale blue face. Her facial expressions flitted between expressions faster than they could read them.

When she didn’t answer, Garrus wrapped his hand around her forearm, forcing her to look at him. She bit her lower lip, her eyes sliding shut for just a moment as she shook her head. “It’s--”

“Don’t give me that fucking bullshit,” Sawyer said as he whipped the shuttle around, pressing his foot against the accelerator and banking towards the right to avoid a proximity mine, that Vasir dropped.

“Reaper scale. The Reapers want her as badly as they want you Sawyer,” she sighed, worrying her bottom lip. “When you died and she fell off the grid to go to C-Sec it wasn’t because she was angry at the Alliance. Not entirely anyway. Most of her files are redacted and heavily so. She was more or less forced to go to C-Sec for her protection. During our hunt for Saren the Reapers became increasingly aware of her and the information that she was uncovering.”

“Was she my partner for a reason?” Garrus asked, his mandibles falling slack on the side of his face. Liara gave him a small reassuring smile and shook her head, her hand lightly squeezing his.

“That was just a coincidence. There was no ulterior motive there. Of that, I am positive.”

“We’ll have to finish this later,” Sawyer growled, mashing the accelerator to the floor. “It seems Vasir wants to play a game of old fashioned chicken.”

 

* * *

 

“Touch your com and I will open that shuttle door so fast you won’t have time to blink, Evans.” Natalie leaned back against the seat, groaning and trying to dig out the pieces of glass that were imbedded into her side. She knew she should have worn her heavy armor instead.

She slammed her foot down on the bottom of the shuttle, gritting her teeth and panting heavily with sweat dripping down the side of her face. “So, Tela,” she huffed out, pulling a large piece of glass from between her ribs then relaxing back against the seat. She then pressed her right hand to her side to try and staunch the bleeding. “Slummin’ with the enemy doesn’t exactly fit your profile, so what gives? Why turn on the Council?”

Vasir’s eyes darted to her for a brief moment. She looked back out the windshield, a sardonic smirk turning up the corners of her mouth. “Information is power. Do you know what your friends at Cerberus have been up to?”

Nat tossed her a look. “I believe that you’re well aware of the fact that I know what and who Cerberus is.”

“Then I’m not the only traitor, now am I?”

“I’m no traitor. I’d never betray my partner or my crew. But you? You tried to have me killed for a sliver of information. You’ve turned traitor to run around like a vorcha, scavenging for any scrap thrown your way.”

Angrily Vasir smashed the accelerator and Natalie lost her precarious balance on her seat, sliding forward quickly, slamming her forehead into the dash of the shuttle. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. If I have to get rid of a few for some damn good information to help the Council then I’m willing to do it. You and I aren’t so different.”

Natalie hissed in pain, tossing her head back to stop the sudden flow of blood from her nose. At some point in their fight she’d lost her helmet. “Looks like Shepard is catching up to us. How the fuck did he know where we were? Oh well, doesn’t matter.”

The bottom of the shuttle vibrated as Vasir released a proximity mine. Nat reached behind her, trying to get a hold of her dagger as Tela tried to outrun the shuttles that were catching up to her, alarmingly fast. “You know,” Nat panted, her chest heaving and feeling as it was going to rip open. “The Council spoke pretty highly of you, but it seems the only good Spectres are human. I mean, look at Saren.”

Vasir threw her a thunderous look, her lips snapping back against her teeth. “I am _nothing_ like Saren.”

Laughing weakly, Natalie shook her head.

_Keep her busy; keep her focus on your words, Natty._

“Oh but I think you’re wrong. You would rather sleep with the enemy to further your selfish goals then stand up and do what’s right! That’s what Saren did and like him, you can’t admit you’re wrong or accept the fact that you’re,” she paused, gritting her teeth against the dizziness and swallowing down on the bile that was rising in her throat as Vasir clipped the side of Sawyer’s shuttle, “not helping anyone but yourself.”

The tips of her fingers brushed against the cool, smooth hilt of her dagger and she gave a rueful smile as she looked between the two shuttles flanking hers.

_Just a few more moments. I promise, Nat._

She turned her head slightly, her eyes sliding shut as she gripped her weapon.

_It’s too dangerous Siha._

_Forgive me,_ she asked silently. She wasn’t sure who she was talking to. Herself? Garrus? Thane?

_Don’t Natalie!_

She ignored their voices in her ear as she pulled her knife out, pressed it against Vasir’s side and stabbed it in between her ribs and sliced down.

Tela’s shriek of pain was the last thing she heard as the shuttle dropped from the sky.

 

* * *

 

Sawyer felt his heart stop beating as he watched the shuttle that Natalie was in suddenly nose-dive and plummet straight for the building. The shuttle crashed, smoke billowing from the engine, and as quickly as possible he landed.

Garrus was out and running towards where the smoke was coming from before Sawyer could stop him. A landing party of the Shadow Broker’s men flew over them as he screamed orders at his crew. Liara threw her singularity, Tali tossed her combat drone.

Shepard whipped around, unloading a thermal clip and slapping one back in the chamber of his shotgun calling out, “Biotics on! Charging!”

His body slammed into an unsuspecting merc, knocking him to the ground as Grunt let loose a concussive round.  He turned his torso, for a fraction of a minute, his eyes scanning for any sign of Garrus or Thane with Natalie but it was a fraction too long.

Tali screamed his name as soon as the bullet from the sniper pierced his armor, propelling his body backwards. He felt, rather than heard, the scream that was ripped from his throat.

He smelled the burnt flesh, felt the flames licking at his armor and skin. He thrashed on the ground, trying to rip his shoulder guards off as Liara ran towards him, skidding across the ground to duck the bullets flying over her head.

“Sawyer!” she cried over the battle waging. “Sawyer, stay with me!” Vaguely he felt her putting out the fire, felt the rumble and sweet rush of her biotics and the gently soothing of the cool medi-gel against his heated skin.

The sounds of fire became a quiet rushing in his ears, like a distant ocean slapping against the rocks on a far off beach. He tilted his head, regretting it.

His armor was seared into his skin, Tali was sobbing by his side and trying to help Liara in any way that she could. Garrus was carrying a broken, bloody Natalie with Thane marching next to him, both of their faces grim.

_Lord, please let her be alive and okay. If You take anyone, let it be me._

His eyes grew heavy, his breathing slowed and he felt peaceful as the sweet, dark, quiet slipped over him, enveloping him in its arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a HUGE thank you to [KabiViolet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KabiViolet/pseuds/KabiViolet) for taking the time to look this over. She's a really awesome person, friend and writer. :-) 
> 
> I hope that you enjoyed it and don't hate me for the double cliffhanger! :D


	17. Chapter 17

Sawyer blinked at the blinding white light, instinctively turning his face away. A hand touched his, slim fingers sliding over his palm and giving the briefest squeeze. “You’re awake,” Liara said softly, leaning over him to shield his eyes from the light of the med bay.

The floodgates opened and he jerked away, his hands frantically running over his bare chest and shoulders. Vaguely, he heard the monitor that he was connected to start to scream but that was his last concern.

_The stench of his burnt flesh filled his nostrils, the pain blinding him every time he moved._

“Sawyer! Shepard, relax. You’re in the med bay on the Normandy,” Liara slowly said, grabbing a hold of his chin and forcing him to look at her. Her painted brows were drawn down over her eyes, her face lined with worry. He took a deep breath to calm himself.

“How is Nat?” Liara looked over her shoulder before turning back to him.

“She’s in bad shape.”

He swallowed down his guilt; guilt for not being there for her. Guilt for letting her to go after Vasir alone.

 _This is different_.

Is it? I don’t see a line that draws the difference between what happened to you and her. He blinked back the hot tears, biting his lower lip to drown out the gaping hole in his heart.

_She’s alive, Brian._

Only barely. I should have fucking been there for her! I should have protected her. I failed you. I failed her. She depended on me to have her six. 

She _jumped into that shuttle. You can’t hold yourself responsible for her actions._

I’m her Commander. It’s my _fucking_ job.  She was gone and he turned his eyes to Liara, admiring how much strength she must have to be there for him.

“Can I… can I see her?” Liara paused for a moment, her mouth tensing, before nodding. She shifted to the side.

“Natalie,” he whispered, the pain in his voice clear. Liara bowed her head and wiped at her tears.

Natalie was covered up to her chest in a white sheet; her dark lashes a stark contrast to her abnormally pale skin. A tube ran from her mouth to a machine. An IV was plugged into her hand. There were more bandages then he could count on her body as they crisscrossed over her arms, face and head.

On the left side of her bed was Garrus. He was asleep with his head resting on her stomach and his hand entwined with hers.

“How long has he been here?” Sawyer asked, prying his eyes away from the bittersweet image before him. Liara gave a small, sad smile.

“Since the moment he laid her on that bed three days ago.”

 

* * *

 

_He looked at Thane, forgetting all the anger he felt towards the assassin, and begged –actually begged – him for help, his voice breaking._

_Together they pried open the door enough for Garrus to squeeze into and the sight he found was enough to make his heart seize and beat erratically._

_Her arm was twisted backward in an unnatural position. Her side was split wide open and pouring blood. Her face was bruised and bleeding profusely._

_Quickly he gathered her in his arms, cradling her like he would a young child, and choked back his emotions as her green eyes fluttered open, a smile gracing her bloody face, and her hand reached up to cup his face, saying, “Always the hero, Garrus._ My _hero.”_

_Her hand slipped from his face to dangle at her side, the smile falling from her face and her eyes closed._

_Thane had the grace to turn away when Garrus spoke, saying, “Only for you, Natty. I love you.”_

* * *

  

Sawyer pressed his hand against Garrus’ shoulder. “I need you groundside.”

Garrus raised his eyes to Shepard’s slowly. “I can’t leave her again; I’m sorry, Shepard.”

Sawyer swallowed; trying to keep his eyes on his friend and failed. “I know how hard this--”

“No, you don’t,” Garrus cut in quickly; almost in a panic. “You have no idea how hard it is to watch her in this state and listen to Chakwas tell you that there is the possibility that she’ll never wake up.”

 

* * *

 

Sawyer stopped by the cockpit, trying to find to humor in Joker’s jokes. 

Thane wanted to be left to his thoughts. Samara wanted to meditate to pray for Natalie. Grunt secluded himself with his G.I. Joes. Miranda brushed him off as she was looking over the scans Chakwas sent over. Jacob threw himself into modding Natalie’s Eviscerator. Jack refused to come out of her hidey hole. Even Zaeed and Kasumi barely spoke to him about anything other than Nat’s health. Kelly was uncharacteristically quiet as well was Ken and Gabby. Mordin had gone so far as to look at him and say, “If Evans has not yet recovered then I will keep working. Apologies Shepard.”

But Garrus… Garrus never left her side. Rupert had to send Hadley over to give him his meals which he didn’t eat. They sat next to him.

Cold and untouched.

 

* * *

 

The next day she opened her eyes to the bright blue eyes of Garrus. He was bent over her, his three fingered hand softly stroking the curve of her cheek.

“Garrus,” she murmured, her own weak hand reaching out to grab a hold of his.

He sagged in relief and exhaled, twining their fingers together against her cheek. He leaned down to press his forehead against hers.

“I-I’ve been so worried about you.”

She smiled weakly, ignoring the pain radiating through her body, and squeezed his hand.

“I thought I lost you,” he said softly, running his hand down her face to trace the contours of her throat. He pulled back and shook his head. He looked back down at her, his eyes trying – desperately – to convey the feelings he couldn’t put in to words. She gave him a wane smile.

“You should know I’m hard to kill.”

He sat down onto the chair by her bed. He braced his elbows on his knees and he let his head fall into his hands, trying to control the amount of emotions that he felt. “I never should have left you.”

She shook her head and swallowed down the tears. Her hand reached out, grasped his hand. “Garrus,” she whispered, her voice breaking on the last syllable of his name. He looked at her. She inhaled sharply at the look of agony in his blue eyes. Her face crumpled; the salty tears she had been so desperately holding in spilled onto her cheeks and she turned her face away.

“I love you, Natty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, this will probably be my last update for awhile since I am moving (hopefully) on Saturday but I will try tp update as quickly as I can after I am settled.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy. :-)
> 
> Please don't hate me for yet ANOTHER cliffhanger! Sawyer is just insisting on cliffhangers. LOL!


	18. Chapter 18

Sawyer looked at the incoming message and swore quietly under his breath. Alliance Command wanted to speak with him. He could only assume it was something of importance if Hackett was needing to talk to him alone.

He accepted the vid-com and leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and schooled his face into the best bored expression he could muster.

"Commander Shepard," the admiral greeted with a nod and thin lips.

"Admiral," Sawyer said. "What can I do for you?"

"I need you to rescue a friend of mine," Hackett said slowly. Sawyer's brows lowered over his blue eyes in mild curiosity. "She's in batarian space and I'm asking you to go alone."

"Solo?” he asked. “After Torfan, you really think that's a good idea?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't believe you were best suited for the mission."

Sawyer lifted a shoulder in a small shrug. "I've got a helluva squad with me. Though, I'm sure you already knew that."

Hackett's lips quirked in a smile. "Indeed. I know you've managed to acquire, again, Vakarian and Miss Zorah."

"Then you also know that Major Evans is aboard the Normandy," Sawyer said quietly, gauging the admiral's reaction. He should have known he wouldn't be surprised.

"I assume you are taking care of her?"

Shepard raised his brow and smirked. "Of course."

"Then there have been no problems with her and Vakarian?" Hackett asked. Sawyer smiled at Hackett's obvious fatherly affection and shook his head.

"They are adults who are capable of working out their own problems."

"Understood. Now, back to Kenson," he said, tilting his head. "She was in batarian space because she found an object."

"What kind of an object?"

"A Reaper artifact."

Sawyer snorted. "Wasn't the Alliance denying the Reaper threat?"

"Officially, yes but Kenson found evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion." Sawyer opened his mouth to speak but Hackett raised his hand. "I know what you're about to say Commander and trust me, this angers me just as much as it does you but this morning I received word that Doctor Kenson has been arrested on terrorism charges."

"This is bullshit," Sawyer spat. "This is the Alliance's problem, not mine. I'm busy trying to find a way to destroy the Collectors who are working for the Reapers and they want me to drop everything for something I already told them? Do they really think that the fuckin' four eyed bastards are going to just let this Alliance op --"

Hackett's lips thinned and he shook his head. "This isn't an Alliance operation, Shepard."

"Slide... what?"

"This is me asking you to rescue a friend, a good friend. The Alliance has nothing to do with this, Commander."

Sawyer's dark brows rose higher than should have been humanly possible. "Interesting," he said quietly. "How does she know there is an invasion coming?"

Hackett sighed. "The artifact. I was unable to get much more information than that."

He pushed away from the wall and scrubbed his nails through his beard. "And you want me to do this alone? I'm no infiltrator Hackett. I'm a _vanguard_. I don't sneak very well."

"Major Evans has been on more than one recon mission for myself and the Alliance."

"You want me to bring her with me?"

"I want you to go in alone but I can't stop you from taking anyone with you, especially infiltrators," Hackett answered. "I know you too well to believe that you'll do anything other than what you want."

Sawyer sighed. "I'll figure something out but I'll get this done, Admiral."

"Just make sure the batarians don't find out, Shepard."

"Understood, sir."

Hackett gave a brief nod. "I'll be waiting to hear back from you. Hackett out."

The vid-com ended and once again Sawyer was staring at his model ships.

Sneak in, grab Kenson, sneak out. It sounded easy enough but he doubted it would be. Nothing was ever that easy. Especially when dealing with batarians.

He ran a hand through his hair. He needed to figure out what to do. Should he go it alone or risk taking others? If it went south he wanted to be the one to have full blame but taking others might prevent that.

His hand hesitated over the comms for a moment before pressing the button. "Kelly?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Send Evans and Vakarian up to my cabin. I need to talk with them."

"Yes, sir," she said and the line went dead.

Worst case they tell him to fuck off. He just really hoped that there wasn't any problems with them. Garrus had been uncharacteristically silent since he had finally told Natalie he loved her and she didn't respond.

Natalie had been the opposite. She'd been seeking out Jack and Tali more often. She kept herself busy with mission reports, rounds and spending ungodly amounts of time in the armory while avoiding both Thane and Garrus.

Sawyer understood that she needed space and she was still angry about Hagalaz. He'd decided to take Garrus instead of her and she had yet to forgive him for that, but she wouldn't talk about it. Instead, she'd taken her anger out on the poor turian in a sparring match.

Garrus was as good as he said, but she had flexibility and was much faster. That or Garrus just let her beat his ass. Sawyer had been both impressed and disappointed in the outcome.

The door opened and the two walked in. "You wanted to see me?" they asked in unison, glancing at each other.

"Yeah," he said, motioning for them to follow him to the couch. He sat down opposite them which forced them to sit together. He noticed that their legs touched and he bit back the smile when they didn't shift away. "I need your help and I couldn't think of any others who were better suited for this."

Natalie's green eyes narrowed but she didn't say anything though her expression spoke volumes.

"Admiral Hackett contacted me about a scientist who has been arrested on terrorism charges in batarian space. He wanted me to go alone to break her out, but I need infiltrators who are trained snipers in case this goes to shit.

"Both of you are highly trained for stealth recon missions and I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't believe in you. I'll understand if you say no and I won't be angry but Kenson has apparently found a Reaper object and claims that they are on our doorstep. I don't know why she was arrested but we need to get her out before the four eyed fuckers try to start a war with the Alliance. So," he paused, looking at both of them, "what do think?"

They were silent, taking in the information. Garrus and Natalie shared a look. "Getting past them shouldn't be difficult, but getting her out will be," Nat finally said. "Alarms will start going off the moment we touch her and all routes will be blocked."

"So what do you suggest we do?" Sawyer asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

She sighed and leaned back against the couch, crossing her right leg over the left. "If we cut the power and take them out as we go it's possible. We'll also have to cut power inside too which will put them on alert and that makes things... interesting. If we can, perhaps, hack into their systems then we may be able to fake a routine update and they'll be none the wiser."

"But that's assuming we can get to the mainframe," Garrus said with palms up and a small shrug. "And batarian mainframes are hard to crack."

"I'm good, really good, but a tech specialist would be ideal," she said, sliding her fingers through her dark hair then fixing Sawyer with a steely look. "Legion is on that derelict Reaper and we could use him. Not only that, I promised I'd help him."

Sawyer hesitated. "How is everyone?"

"Free and clear for the most part," Garrus answered.

"For the most part? What the hell does that mean?"

"Thane still needs to figure out what's up with his son," Garrus said, tensing on the drell's name and glancing at Natalie who pretended to ignore him.

"Anyone else?"

"No, that's everyone. If you want we can send Tali and Mordin to help him while we get Legion." His lips twitched when neither of them suggested to send Miranda. Yeah, he didn't much care for her either.

They sat in silence as he mulled everything over. "You really trust this geth?"

She nodded, eyes serious and leg bouncing. "With my life."

"Alright," Sawyer said, crossing his arms behind his head. "Shore leave on the Citadel for everyone while we do this. I'll tell Joker to take us to the Citadel then make sure everyone is aware of what's going on."

Natalie stood and smoothed her top. "I'll try and get a message to Legion."

"Sounds good. You two might want to rest up for this, especially you," he said, pointing at Nat. "Chakwas cleared you for duty but I don't want you taking any chances." She made a face but refrained from saying anything.

She turned and walked out the door. It was then that Sawyer looked at Garrus. "What's going on between you two?"

Garrus shrugged, running his arms along the back of the couch. "She won't talk about it and I'm trying to give her space. It's only fair."

"Is she still seeing Thane?"

"I don't know,” Garrus said, his mandibles fluttering against his jaw.

Sawyer's brows rose considerably high and asked, "You haven't asked about that?" Garrus shot him an annoyed look and canted his head to the side.

"That would defeat the purpose of giving her space, wouldn't it?"

"Fuckin' smartass," Sawyer said through a smile.  "Well, I do hope you guys work it out. You remember Oraka?"

Garrus groaned and stood, waving his hands. "Don't --"

"I believe you asked him what a woman could possibly do to make him act so pathetic," Sawyer recited, closing his eyes to remember the scene. He opened his eyes and smirked. "Now you know all about that. Perhaps you should send him an apology note."

"Yeah, yeah," Garrus said, making his way up the stairs. "I'm going to go back and --"

"Calibrate?"

"Rest for this impending mission," he finished, ignoring Sawyer's interruption.

"I love giving you shit," Sawyer laughed. Garrus smiled and shook his head as the door closed.

 

* * *

 

 

"You can't possibly believe this is a good idea," Miranda argued, crossing her arms over her chest and fixing him with a scowl.

"I never said it was but this is what we have to do." He looked at Thane from across the table. "Do you have a problem with this?"

"I do not. In fact, if I may, I believe that this is the better path," he said quietly, clasping his hands behind his back. Sawyer noticed, with a small amount of humor, how both Thane and Garrus flanked Nat.

"I agree," Samara spoke up and Sawyer turned his attention on her. "If the Reapers are keeping a watchful eye on us then they will be aware the moment you steal the IFF and I would not be surprised if the Collectors try to launch an attack against the Normandy."

"Exactly. So if everyone and the Normandy is at the Citadel when we head into batarian space then the chances of an attack are slim," Natalie said, giving a sidelong glance at Miranda whose scowl deepened.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Kasumi said from the shadows. "We have no idea what might or will happen on Aratoht. You're going to need to the Normandy in case it goes to crap."

Sawyer rubbed his forehead and sighed. "I think we'd be able to handle things if the Collectors do try to attack," Joker piped over the comms.

"Right," Sawyer snapped angrily. "Because last time you handled things so well, when, you know, I died."

"Sawyer!" Nat whispered in shock. The room quieted and Miranda even flushed with embarrassment on his behalf.

"Dammit," he muttered. "Joker I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

The pilot didn't respond and Sawyer made a mental note to speak to him as soon as they were done in the briefing. He knew it was a shit thing to say. He leaned forward and pressed his hands against the table. "You guys don't shore leave and you're willing to end up like the original Normandy. I've listened and made my decision," he said, looking around the room. "I am not going to allow you to risk it. Everyone but Nat and Garrus will be dropped off at the Citadel after we hit this so called derelict Reaper. Understood?"

Miranda opened her mouth to speak but snapped it closed, seeming to know that no matter what she said the decision would not be changed.

He dismissed them and they filed out of the room slowly until Tali was the only one left with him. She stared at him until he looked at her with a sigh. "What?"

"I can't believe you said that to Joker. You don't understand how upset he was with himself after the attack," she said, avoiding using the words "after you died". "He started drinking and he could barely attend the service."

"I know and I have every intention of apologizing. I shouldn't have said it."

"I don't think you do," she argued angrily, her hands slipping to her hips. "You're angry because Cerberus brought you back. Angry at the Illusive Man and Miranda but you take your anger out on the wrong people. I hate Cerberus just as much as you but it isn't her fault and it isn't Joker's. In fact, I'm glad that Liara gave you to them because you are alive. You're not dead and you can continue what you started.

"No one else could accomplish what you can or what you have done already. No one else could rally a group of multiple species, some who have ancient bloody history, convince them to join and follow you on suicide attempt after suicide attempt.

"You can continue to hate Miranda and be angry at Joker but he didn't kill you and she saved your life. You need to focus your hate and fury on the Reapers. Isn't that what you tell them, tell _me_ , constantly?"

"Tali I --"

She sliced her hand through the air and shook her head. "I know you're under a lot of stress and I cannot begin to even imagine what you might be going through, but you need to let it go. You're alive, you get a second chance, and I'm always, _always_ ," she said, her tone softening as she stepped towards him, "going to be here for you so long as you want me to be. I want you to vent at me and tell me everything that you're feeling. I want you to get through this with me, but they are not the enemy Sawyer."

She placed both of her hands on the side of his face and looked at him. He swallowed, his throat tight with emotion, and pulled her to him in a rough hug, his long arms wrapping around her and his hands splaying over her back.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured against her neck. “You’re right and I’ve been an ass to everyone.” He stroked his hand over the back of her head and pulled back to look at her. “I love you.”

She smiled, looping her arms around his neck, and said, “You better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is about... hm... six freaking months overdue and I'm SO SORRY! 
> 
> I haven't forgotten about Sawyer and Nat and Garrus and Tali. I'm already working on chapter 19 and this part will be coming to a close in a few chapters and then we'll be moving on to part two which I'm still undecided about as far as what I want to do with it. 
> 
> So, I hope you enjoyed it and there will be more! I promise! :-)


	19. Chapter 19

Shepard walked into the cockpit and stood behind Joker; arms crossed over his chest and looked out at the black. "Pretty dark outside, huh?"

Joker laughed, huffing out a breath before regaining his composure. He glanced at Shepard, his hand twitching towards his cap and his smile twisting down. He was quiet for a moment before sighing. "So, uh... about what you said," he started but Shepard cut him off with a warm and heavy hand coming down on his shoulder.

"I didn't mean it," he said, running his free hand over his face. "Or maybe I did, at the time, but I don't blame you for my death, Joker. I've been pissed off since I woke up on that ice cold slab with Miranda bitchin' in my ear and I've taken it out on you, on Miranda, hell even Garrus and Evans but Tali... she -- we had a long talk the other night in my quarters and I've still got to get my shit together, but I'm not as angry anymore. And I'm sorry, really fuckin' sorry, about what I said. It wasn't fair to you or anyone else for that matter."

After a minute of silence, Joker spoke up by saying, "I know you've had a shit time and maybe you don't blame me, but _I_ blame me. If I had just gotten my ass up then --"

"Don't even say it," Sawyer said quietly. He paused for a moment before continuing. "You know, looking back, I don't think I would've made it no matter what. It all happened too fast and all the overrides were fried, all the systems were. I would have had to hit that button regardless and I'd do it again. Saving you? Saving the crew? That's my job, my _duty_ but it's more than that." He blew out a deep breath and toed the bottom of Joker's seat, his bright blue eyes cast downwards. "At Torfan, I sent a hundred good men and women to their deaths. Good soldiers, damn fine marines and why? Because I hate Batarians. I was young and still harboring so much hate, so much _fury_ after Mindoir I just wanted to see every single one of those bastards burn and bleed and fucking beg for their lives like my family did. I was willing to do whatever it took to put them in the ground. And I did.

"Before the Alliance called a cease fire, I was standing over a batarian, my gun pressed against his head. I was screaming at him and telling him to beg for mercy as my team died around me but I didn't care, I couldn't give two flying pyjacks about what was happening except making him suffer. I shot him in both arms and legs, and his stomach but the fucked up part really was, was that I enjoyed watching him bleed out and cry and spit up blood.

"I finally put a bullet in his brain and when I looked up, Kyle was running towards me and yelling but I didn't understand what he was saying, it was all in slow motion. All I could think about was the blood, _so much blood_ and all the bodies. It was never ending and I felt victorious.

"It didn't hit me until later, when I heard someone call me The Butcher, what I'd done and who I sacrificed and why. I got sick, really fucking sick, and found the nearest bathroom and lost it. I started having nightmares, started slipping in my duties and the Alliance brass sent me to a shrink to sort me out. I drank for a time; it kept the dreams at bay when the shrink's pills couldn't. I almost got court marshaled because I couldn't get my shit together.

"Word came down from chain of command that I was slotted for Anderson's new XO on a prototype ship that was still in development. A co-design by turians and humans to show how far we'd come and that we could put aside our differences and move on. At first I didn't care and told them to shove it. I told them to find someone else. I basically told them to go fuck themselves.

"I wanted out of the Alliance for the most part, but brass told me to talk with Anderson, have a meeting and see how things went. If, by that time, I still wanted out then fine. I showed up hung-over with dress blues wrinkled and unshaven. I still remember the look Anderson gave me. You know, one those looks your father gives when he's disappointed in you. It made me so goddamn angry.

"I told him he didn't know what I was going through. Told him to stop looking at me like that. He laughed, _actually fucking laughed_ , and that just pissed me the hell off. He told me he was in the First Contact War, that he did understand and I wasn't alone. I said he didn't know what he was talking about, asked if he knew what happened on Torfan. He said he did and read all about it.

"I asked why the hell he would want me on the Normandy. At first he didn't say anything and I hoped he'd changed his mind. He said, and I'll never forget his words, "Because I know about Mindoir. I know why you did what you did on Torfan. Revenge. And I can see that it's eating you alive, son. But torturing yourself day in and day out? It won't bring those men and women back. It won't stop the ghosts from haunting you and drinking yourself into a stupor nightly? It won't change a damn thing. The only way to change is to accept what you did, own it, and swear to never make that mistake again."

"He stood up, clapped me on the shoulder and told me to think about. He said if he didn't hear from me by the end of the week then he'd understand. When I went back to my room, I looked around at everything. I had more empty whiskey bottles than an honest to God drunk and I started laughing. I laughed because I knew he was right and I realized how absolutely pathetic I'd been acting.

"The next day I woke up and said I wasn't going to keep torturing myself, I had to let it go. The person I'd become wasn't the man I wanted to be. Anderson was right. I couldn't change the past or what I'd done so instead I did what he said: I swore to myself that never again would I sacrifice others for any reason. I tossed all the empty bottles and dumped the full ones into toilet. That afternoon I sent a wave to Anderson.

"I still lost soldiers, like Jenkins, but never because I was a selfish fuckin’ asshole," he finally paused and met Joker's eyes with a steady gaze, brows pulled low and lips thin. "So all of that is me explaining why I didn't leave you behind and why I would die ten thousand times over and still save you. And it's why I make my rounds and why you're always the first I speak to. I made a mistake once and I'll never do it again."

Joker sat there, his fingers tapping out a rhythm on his armrest, unable to say anything until a question popped into his head and out his mouth before he could comprehend what he was saying. "Where was Jane?" He felt rather than saw Shepard tense and the heat of his questioning gaze bore into the back of his head. Lamely he said, "EDI told me."

Shepard laughed. "Blabbermouth," he directed at the AI.

"I believed it pertinent information to the well being of your health since Mr. Moreau frequently asks for updates on your person," she responded, her orb appearing out of thin air.

Joker turned his seat around as Sawyer sighed and shrugged, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He never wanted to be in his Commander's boots. He could only imagine what kind of life he lived and he tried not to. "Jane," he said, the word sounding dry and strained as it left his lips. "She was there. Always was, but I didn't listen to anything she had to say. I got mad at her, even told her to get the hell out of my head, and, for a while she did. She told me if I was going to act like an ass then she would disappear."

"She came back though, right?"

Shepard tilted his head, one ebony brow arched. "Eventually she did, yeah,” he said, his face tense. “I searched for her and kept telling her that I was changing, that I needed her to help me. I didn't think she'd come back to me and even thought that maybe she wasn't real; maybe I just wished she was alive so much that I created her in my head. I still don't know about that. It's not like I broadcast it to the galaxy. I mean, hell, I've never had anyone professional talk to me about it. And when I woke up on that slab, there she was. Right in my head asking a ton of questions and forcing me to move, to do what Miranda said until I made it to Jacob."

"Is she still there? Talking to you, I mean?"

“Not as much as I’d like,” he finally admitted after a long pause, his jaw clenched tight and eyes cast down towards his boots.

Joker looked up at Shepard from under his hat, noticing -- not for the first time -- how different, yet familiar, he looked since Cerberus brought him back to the land of the living. Sure, he was still the cocky Commander with the handsome face that women sighed after when he walked by, but it was strange seeing him without the grisly scars that had graced his features.

Shepard’s eyes lifted and quickly Joker tried to turn his gaze away, but Shepard’s head tilted and thick black brows settled down over bright blue eyes. “Is there something wrong?” he asked, his hand moving to rub his face and glance at his reflection in the shining metal to his right. Joker didn’t miss the grimace, the wry twist of his lips and the nostril flare that indicated distaste.

“No,” he answered, even it was delayed. “It’s still taking some time getting used to seeing you without… you know, the scars.”

Sawyer’s lips pulled up at left side in a lopsided smile and he gave a short laugh. “You’re not the only one who is having a hard time at adjusting. Every time I see myself, it’s like I’m looking at different man. Mostly everything is the same, but there are differences.”

“You’re not missing any important parts, are you?”

This time Sawyer outright laughed and Joker felt a small amount of pride at being able to cause his Commander, his _friend_ , some little bit of happiness in such a shitty time. It was rare when Shepard truly laughed with his eyes scrunched up, teeth showing and shoulders jostling. He’d been happier on the original Normandy, more comfortable and Joker had the sneaking suspicion that the main reason for his being less comfortable was Cerberus. Or Miranda. Or both.

“No. No, I’m all here. At least, everything Miranda deemed necessary to keep anyway. I don’t know. Maybe I’m missing a kidney or half my liver, but externally all parts are accounted for,” he said. He sighed, slipping back into his previous state of seriousness and tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I miss the scars. I had scars all over and each one meant something. Whether it was from a bar-fight or a battle or an injury from my childhood, they were all special. Now they’re gone and all I have is the memory of them. And even that is fading quicker than I would like.”

“I never asked, probably because I was too chicken-shit too, but the one you had on your face. You got that on Torfan, right?” Joker inquired carefully.

Shepard nodded and his shoulders curled forward as if protecting himself from a grenade blast. “Yeah,” he said quietly.

“If you don’t want to talk about it…”

“What? No. It’s fine. I haven’t thought about that one in a long time,” he replied quickly. His lips quirked and Joker knew a feint when he saw one. He’d been a master at it in flight school. Once again Shepard looked at his reflection. One hand pulled out of his pocket and touched his face, traced the invisible, angry crisscross lines that had once been there. “It was a batarian and my own damn fault.”

Joker nodded, keeping his eyes firmly fixed in front of him. Sawyer would tell him when he was ready. Torfan was, well, it wasn’t something the Commander seemed to be proud of.

Shepard toed the metal beneath his booted foot. “I, uh, got too close to a batarian. I wasn’t paying attention to what he had in his hands, only what he was doing to the poor female recruit he was on top of,” he said, eyes distant and glazed. He shook himself of the memory and looked at Joker. “You know what barbed wire looks like? Yeah, well, it was something like that but it was white hot and flaming. He’d had it wrapped around her wrists to get her to stop moving and when I jerked him by the collar, he whipped around and smacked me across the face with it. I screamed and felt the skin of my cheeks melting. I ripped it off and snapped his neck. Despite the pain and bleeding and smelling my burnt skin, I tried to make sure she was okay.”

“Was she?”

Shepard shook his head, lips pulling down at the edges. “No. She was gone.”

They fell silent and the only sound was the quiet humming of the ship. It wasn't awkward or tense, but more thoughtful than anything. Joker glanced at his Commander to find him staring, once again, at the never ending blackness.

"I used to love to watch the stars at night back on Mindoir and even on Earth. Not so much anymore," Shepard said quietly, breaking the comfortable silence.

Joker didn't need to ask why. If he'd been in Shepard's position, he probably wouldn't like the stars much either. Getting spaced would probably do that to a person. The difference was that most stayed dead and didn't remember.

“How much longer?”

Joker glanced towards the countdown. “Just a few hours,” he replied. “Are you sure you want to do it this way?”

“Not really,” Sawyer responded with a heavy sigh. “But I think it’s the best call.”

“And if things go to shit?”

Shepard clapped him on the shoulder and smiled down at him with a wink. “You’ll be able to pull our asses out,” he said. “Let me know when we’re close. I think I need to talk to Miranda. I haven’t been very fair to her either.”

As Shepard was walking away, Joker said, “Let me know if I need to vent the hold or something if she gets really pissed.” Sawyer just laughed and waved him off as he made his way through the CIC.

Yeah, Joker thought. He was glad that Shepard was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this has taken me a year to update, but I swore to you guys that I haven't forgotten and nor will I. The chapter isn't long, but I think it's a good look at Sawyer and who he is. One of the comments told me that I was focusing too much on Natalie and they were right. The story is supposed to be about Sawyer Shepard and I think my focus will shift. I won't stop writing about Natalie, but her "story" is pretty much finished until the events of Mass Effect 3. Her and Garrus just need to work out some things. 
> 
> I'm sorry it has taken to long, but here it is. Sadly, I can't guarantee that it'll be updated any time soon, but know that it will be updated again. 
> 
> I have to give a special thanks to Verdandi and Zendelai for their constant reminder and love for this story. Without them and their superb cheerleading, I don't know if I would have continued it. :-)
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed it. :-)


	20. Chapter 20 Part 1

It was quiet.

 

Much too quiet, he thought as they landed just outside the perimeter of the compound and onto the rocky plain of the asteroid. He'd amped up his visor enough to see ultraviolet rays that could pinpoint tripwires or alarm systems just in case and so far it seemed to have been a damn good idea.

 

They were _everywhere_.

 

Nat glanced his way, her helmet barely catching the light, and threw up a hand signal. _Clear_?

 

He gestured in front of them where the two white structures were and shook his head. He tapped his omni-tool twice and pointed ahead of them. She was silent as she moved around him and up towards the ugly green box that housed the hardware she needed.

 

Sure, he could hack a simple system, but full infiltration? Shutting down an entire sector? That was her speciality. Or Mordin’s. Hard rewire and complete system shutdown that didn't affect another was not something he was capable of unless he had exorbitant amounts of time. Which, unfortunately, they didn't have at the present time.

 

Shepard had gone dark, his vitals were offline and there was only a sliver of hope that he was still alive. EDI believed that Kenson’s people had stripped him of everything in the hope that no one would be none the wiser. Or that maybe help was too far away. He hated to even think of it, but he knew even Joker had thought of it too: maybe he was dead.

 

He was still furious that Shepard had left to get Kenson on his own after deciding to take himself and Natalie with him. The hero complex, Nat had told him. It was both Shepard's greatest strength and weakness. It didn't make him feel any better. He'd learned what Shepard's hero complex was capable of and he didn't like it. After all, he had died. Granted he was brought back, but he had seen firsthand what his hero complex could do whether it was for the best intentions or not.

 

“Garrus?”

 

Her voice came through his helmet quietly and full of control. That wasn't a good sign.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I'm picking up some chatter, lots of chatter. Something about Harbinger and the Alpha Relay? It doesn't make much sense, but - hold on.”

 

Unconsciously he stopped behind her, rifle at the ready and scoped around them. This is how they'd done things at C-Sec. He'd watch her six while she got down and dirty with the complicated hardware that blew his mind. Not that she needed his protection, she was more than capable, but when she was focused she lost all sense of awareness of her surroundings. Much like how he got lost in calibrations or how Shepard sunk into a book. In a lot of ways, when it came to tech, she was like Tali. Handsy, good and very lethal when needed.

 

“He's being kept heavily sedated so they can make contact with the Reapers. Garrus! They're going to let them in! _They're indoctrinated_!”

 

“You need to hurry up. Who knows how long before they actually finish their crazy mission.”

 

“EDI, I need full schematics of this place now. I need to know where Shepard is,” she ordered, her hands deftly separating wires and disconnecting others.

 

“I have managed to acquire a layout of the compound. I have sent them to you omnitools,” came EDI’s smooth voice through their comms.

 

“Garrus, look for something that's sectioned off. They'd keep him somewhere far enough away from the launch station but close enough to a med bay.”

 

It took a minute, but he found it. “Got it.”

 

“Perfect timing. Let's go.”

 

* * *

 

 

Silently they made their way across the rocky slopes of the asteroid, avoiding the windows, and took out any sentries they came across.

 

As the last guy fell to the ground with a broken neck, Garrus looked at Nat. “How can they believe that this is a good idea? How can anyone believe whispers in their head?”

 

She huffed through her helmet and dug out a knife from a pocket on her thigh and some wire cutters. “You know more about indoctrination than I do,” she answered as she spliced some wires together to get the door in front of them open. “All I know is that it's slow. And Harbinger is more powerful than any other Reaper. From what I've learned, it's not all that different from schizophrenia. You can't block it out and it feels real. In a way, you can't really blame them. Especially if the Reapers are telling them they'll spare them. There - let's go.”

 

“You have a point, but it still doesn't make me understand it any better.”

 

“Just think of it as… a mental illness. The brain is a powerful thing and once it turns on you, you have no control. There is no real understanding as to why the brain does what it does. And it's scary to think that everything we do and say and think is controlled by that one organ. It tells us to eat, drink, breathe, survive. When it stops working, so do we. Count yourself lucky that yours hasn't turned on you,” she said quietly as they crossed through a doorway.

 

She swept left while he swept right before converging back to back with her leading and him pulling up the rear. It was quiet aside from the occasional hum of a generator as they moved past the windows that overlooked the rocky surface of the asteroid. In the distance they caught a glimpse of the mass relay. They continued on their silent trek taking down a patrol here and there as they went, hiding the bodies carefully out of sight before moving on.

 

As they neared closer to Shepard's location they started running into more and more guards. Garrus prided himself for choosing to add a silencer to his rifle and forcing Nat to do the same to her pistol, telling her to keep her shotgun close but to only use it if absolutely necessary. Their bullets soared through the air silently and took out the enemy before they were even aware that the guy next to them had died. More than once Nat had whipped out one of her many knives and threw it with expertise that bespoke of her talent. He'd never seen someone use knives so effectively and precisely before. Not that she hadn't used them in C-sec, but seeing her in action and using them was something else.

 

“Why do you use knives?” he asked after she pulled one out of the chest of a guard and wiped it on her thigh. “You know Shepard wants to know too.”

 

“It's less to clean up if you know what you're doing. My dad taught me how to throw them before he died,” she replied. She sifted through their helmets, looking for communication units like he did, as she spoke. “Before they died, we took a trip to Earth for my grandparents funeral. I was young and didn't fully grasp what death meant. My mom wanted to do something fun before we left, to take our minds off things I guess or maybe to get me to stop asking why we couldn't see them ever again, I don't know, but she decided that we'd go to a circus. Well, long story short, they had a guy up on a wheel and when they spun it a woman said she could toss a knife, have it land and not hit him. She had nine knives and not a single one hit him. It was awesome and I was fascinated with it, so my dad decided that he would teach me. As I got older I got better at it and when I went to N school they furthered my talents.”

 

“Got it! Here,” he said handing her a comm unit he'd hacked so they couldn't be heard, but could hear the staff on the asteroid.

 

 _“How is he?”_ a female voice asked.

 

_“Still sedated. His body keeps metabolizing it quicker than anyone else so we have to keep upping the dose, Dr. Kenson.”_

 

_“Don't overdose him. We need him. Harbinger has promised that he will lead us to victory.”_

 

_“I know, but --”_

 

 _“There is no_ but _, Robertson. We have strict orders. Do as you're told.”_

 

He looked at Nat with brow plates raised. “They didn't know about his upgrades.”

 

“It works in our favor. If we can calculate how many milligrams per kilograms they're giving him then we know how long we have before he wakes up which gives us a time window. We know they're ready to make contact with the Reapers. It's been 36 hours since he went dark. EDI, how long would it take for them to let them in?”

 

“According to their database, they are expecting the Reapers to emerge from the relay in twelve hours. That is not calculating how far the Reapers are from us, however.”

 

“Always a ray of sunshine, EDI. Can you tell us how long before Shepard wakes up?”

 

“I've hacked into their systems and it seems that he's waking up every two hours despite how much sedative they are administering.”

 

“Youre not far from him if these schematics are right,” Joker interrupted. “If you turn right and go down that hall then make a left he should be right there in room in the left.”

 

“Mr. Moreau is correct. The room also seems to be heavily guarded with Loki mechs however.”

 

“We'll get it done. Joker, be ready for us when we get Shepard.”

 

“Aye, aye.”

 

* * *

 

“Dammit! What the hell is wrong with this? The readings must be wrong. Some idiot didn't know what they were doing apparently,” the woman muttered, her eyes focused on the console in front of her and not at all aware of her surroundings.

 

Nat snuck up behind her silently and quickly wrapped her arm around the woman's body while pressing her hand over her mouth so she couldn't scream. “You have two options here. The first is to comply with us and do as we say. The second is that you will die and we will still get what we need. Do you understand me?” She nodded furiously. “Good. Give me the counter drug.”

 

Nat took the gun holstered at the woman's hip and pressed it to the back of her skull. “Move. If you do anything, I will pull the trigger.”

 

Carefully they walked towards a cabinet and pulled out a glass vial along with a syringe and needle. She pulled up the antidote and let Garrus take it from her. “You'll need to --” and with a whack! Nat had knocked her out with the butt of her weapon.

 

“I know how to use a needle, thank you very much,” Garrus sighed as her limp body dropped to the floor with a thud and he slid the needle like an expert into Shepard's vein.

 

Within seconds Sawyer was sitting up with a hand pressed to his head and groaning. “What the hell are you two doing here?”

 

“Saving your ass,” Garrus supplied as he helped him off the table. “We've got less than twelve hours until the Reapers come through that relay. We need to figure out how to stop them.”

 

“Before everyone got indoctrinated they were going to slam this asteroid into the relay.”

 

“Can you even do that?” Nat asked, handing Sawyer his gear from the weapons locker nearby.

 

“They certainly thought so.”

 

“Spirits.”

 

“So what are we going to do? If we slam this into the relay won't it blow up?”

 

“Yeah and it'll obliterate this entire system. Hundreds of thousands of Batarians will die.”

 

“Shepard, we can't do that. The Batarians will want you on a silver platter and it'll start a war that we can't win when the Reapers show.”

 

“It's either that or let the Reapers walk through our back door! So unless either of you have a better fucking idea of what to do, and I'm all ears, then we're launching this big ass asteroid into that relay,” he ranted as he put his weapons into place and primed his tech armor.

 

“We need to at least warn them so they try to evacuate as many people as possible.”

 

“Good luck. They're jamming all signals out of here which is why I couldn't tell you that this was a trap.”

 

“I'm sure that between the three of us, we can hack it,” Nat replied with a hint of sarcasm while pulling up her omni-tool.

 

It took them less than fifteen minutes to figure out how to bypass the command codes, the encryption locks and the failsafe before she was able to send a ping to the Normandy telling EDI to send out a muted, heavily encrypted evacuation order so it couldn't be traced back to them.

 

“Alright. We've got 11 hours to get off this rock and I have a bone to pick with Kenson,” Shepard said as he pulled out his Locust and thumbed the safety off.

 

“Are we going to bring her in?”

 

Sawyer looked at Garrus who asked the question that seemed to be on all three of their minds. “If we can subdue her then yes, we'll bring her in. But if she tries to fight us we have to make sure that this asteroid hits that relay regardless of whether she's with us or not. Understood?”

 

“Yes, Shepard,” both Garrus and Nat answered.

 

“Good. Now let's get moving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a little over a year since this was updated and for that I am truly sorry. I've been struggling with this and how to get it moving again. I'd planned on something different and how the next few chapters would be, but every time I tried to write them things just didn't work out. So we've got this instead. 
> 
> I'm hoping to wrap this up in five chapters or less, but we'll see. It definitely won't make it to 30. The next installment will be during the events of ME3 and that will probably have 30 chapters plus and epilogue. 
> 
> I'm sorry it took so long, but as always I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Note: The next chapter should be up in the next couple of months (hopefully less than that), but as many of you know I have a few WIPs that need attending too and I'm slowly getting back into the writing portion of them and not beating my head against a metaphoric brick wall.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're at all interested, you can follow this story's progress on my [tumblr account](http://darkaislinn.tumblr.com/) since I post a lot about my stories and how they're progressing. 
> 
> And if you're curious as to what the characters look like, this is [Sawyer](http://darkaislinn.tumblr.com/post/65166233110/and-here-we-have-sawyer-quite-the-catch-eh#notes) and [Natalie](http://darkaislinn.tumblr.com/post/65162869708/this-is-the-holo-of-natalie-that-garrus-had-while#notes). 
> 
> I'm rewriting all the chapters that are currently uploaded because I really didn't like what I had originally done with it. If anyone is interested in reading the original chapters to compare, you can read them [here](https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0BwCMWtg58XQXXzFMYjhEOG56MDQ&usp=sharing).
> 
> As always, I hope that you enjoy!


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